What's been happening here lately?

 

Lots of small things have been happening here lately which, put together, amount to lots of small things. They're worth mentioning I suppose, seeing I have nothing else to write about.

My friend, who will remain nameless to protect his identity, was arrested by the police last week. Alan Stephen, (he spells his surname with a PH because he's a bit acidic), was speeding down the motorway. Or was it up the motorway? What's the difference?

Anyway, he was speeding at the speed of dark, which is a bit slower than the speed of light, but still too fast for the motorway. The police chased him up. Siren blaring. Blue lights flashing. But he still drove faster than before.

Eventually he stopped and the policeman asked him, "Did you not see the lights flashing and hear the siren?"

"That I did!" said Acidic Alan. 

"Why did you not stop?" asked the policeman.

"Well you see," said my friend, "I have ... a police record."

"Really?" the policeman said.

"Yes ... message in a bottle ... by Sting!" Stephen said, "I've never understood why that singer has a name like a wasp's backside!"

The policeman was not amused. So Stephen thought he'd better be serious. He explained, "you see, officer ... I did see the flashing lights and hear the siren. Fifteen years ago my wife left me and ran off with a policeman. When I saw you chasing me I thought you were returning her!"

"I want your name!" said the policeman.

"Why do you want to be called Alan Stephen?" asked my friend.

And that's when he got arrested. To be honest, he's always been a tearaway. He came from a broken family and his parents never really loved him. He used to come home from school and find that they had moved ... to another country. He never knew what it felt like to be wanted until he saw his photo on a police notice board.

Then somehow as he grew up he settled down a bit. But he was always very lazy. No job lasted very long. He was so lazy that he married someone already pregnant.

When he divorced her, fifteen years go, they had an unusual financial settlement regarding the house. She kept the inside and he kept the outside. That's when I met him. At the homeless shelter. I was volunteering at the time. 

If you have time, you can read the story about my volunteering work HERE. Really worth it! 

Anyway, the police let him off with a caution and penalty points on his driving licence.