Zut Alors!

Allo mes amis,

Zis storee appened in ze late 19 century in Paris in la belle France. It was in Autumn zee air is misty and grey and you can smell zee chestnuts on hot coal fires on zee little carts of zee chestnuts sellers at every corner of zee street.

Walking by the river side iz a short man called Too Lose Le Trick. Suddenly a man runs towards him and jumps in zee river. He was in Seine, obviouslee.

Too Lose Le Trick e was a very short man. A painter by profession. Not a painter of houses, or furniture or such things. To Lose Le Trick was a painter of pictures you hung on your wall and admire lovinglee.

Too Lose Le Trick, waz known as a post impressionist painter. Zat iz e stopped doing impressions of ozer people, like hiz friends Cezanne, Van Gogh and Gauguin. 

 Too Lose waz so short zat e could only paint portraits of zee peoples' knees, becauze zis was as far as e could see. E could not see much higher zan people's knees becoze eet waz veree rude to look higher zan zee knees. So e settled to become a veree famous painter of zee knees. Ere is a famous painting of his.

Zee model for zis painting was a demure English woman called Enid Brown. Zis painting gave rise to zee English song "Knees up mother Brown" which you may ave heard singing sometime in zee pub.

Too Lose Le Trick e had a small dog with a detachable tail. Zee dog, when a young pupee, e run round and round chasing iz tail and zen e caught it and bit it off. So Too Lose Le Trick, being a resourceful and inventive man, e made a new tail which e clipped on zee dog. Zee tail would wag back and forth with zee power of electrique batteries. For exercise, Too Lose would take off zee tail, throw it far away, and zee dog would run and fetch it back.

One day Too Lose went to see an old friend of hiz which used to model for him. Her name was Madame Leggert. Her leg did hurt because of her standing still all zee time while e painted her knees. So Too Lose painted her lying down on ze canape instead. 

Zis is zee painting of Madame Leggert lying on zee canape. You weel notice e az stopped painting by her bottom becauze Madame Leggert did not want ze painting too show zee knees.

Too Lose Le Trick liked to visit Ze Moulin Rouge and see zee Can Can dancers so e could paint zeir knees. 

One day, Too Lose Le Trick, waz too close to zee dancing ladies and one of zem accidentalee, on zee purpose, kicked im in zee face and e lost zee monocle. E went down on all fours to search for zee monocle which did zee rolling on zee ground.

Zee Can Can dancers, zey were lifting zeir skirts high up for zee showing of zeir legs and zeir under wear; zey noticed Too Lose low on zee ground looking up at zeir bottoms and zey thought ziz eez veree rude.

Too Lose Le Trick became veree famous for the paintings of zee Can Can dancers and also for painting manee posters of zem too.

I ave also a veree old video of Too Lose Le Trick visiting zee Moulin Rouge and seeing zee Can Can dancers doing zee Can Can. It is not suitable for zee people wiz a nervous dispositions.