High Class Do

 

Have you ever been to one of those high-class posh types of dances, or parties, where the men dress in penguin suits with bow ties, and the women normally have very tight revealing low cut dresses showing their bosoms?

I remember going to such an event years ago in London. I just found the "program" they gave us at the time. Yes, a beautifully printed on quality paper program of events, with the names of all those attending listed there. 

It was a really high-class birthday celebration for a friend of mine at the time. It was held at a top hotel where a man in a bright red uniform would announce your arrival as soon as you got in, and everyone would turn round to see your entrance and greet you with a smile; or in my case, total indifference and disdain.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Mr Victor Moo ... Moo ..." he stuttered, not being able to pronounce my name, nor having the wit or inclination to check how to pronounce it beforehand.

I whispered my name quietly.

"Whatever," he said as I got in and no one cared. 

I noticed a man a short distance away, with a beautiful young lady, turn round, look at me and snigger with derision.

That's when I gave way to the devil at my side. I made a bee-line towards him, walking like Groucho Marx used to, and when I got there I said, "Hello Mr eh ... hmmm ... I'm so sorry. I make a point never to forget a name or a face, but in your case I make an exception. I hope this gorgeous lady will bother to remember you better than me; but somehow I doubt she likes cockroaches!"

Then before he had a chance to say anything, I left and walked straight to the bar where I met the birthday boy and his friends. They were really down to earth lovely people who greeted me like a star. The birthday boy, or man, apologised for the announcer's faux-pas and was genuinely most hurt at my treatment.

I'm reading some of the names from the program of events which I've just found amongst my papers.

There was Mrs Madeleine Byteme-Legg, with her husband Professor Thomas Legg. Apparently she insisted upon keeping her maiden name when they got married.

From Stirling in Scotland there was Mr and Mrs Strapp with their young son Jock Strapp.

Mr and Mrs Lear with their daughter Crystal-Shandi.

Also there was the famous opera singer Melissa Tone with her husband Barry Tone.

I recognised my old friends Mr and Mrs Dover with their daughter Eileen. I remember she had a REALLY low cut dress. She'd been on a peanut and melons diet. The peanuts did not have any effect on her figure, however ...

Brigadier Turner arrived late. On his journey to the hotel his car crashed into two houses side by side belonging to old friends of his, John and Mary Ball, and Robert and Helena Jones. What are the chances of that happening? The car nearly caught fire but luckily he was pulled out of the car by the Joneses.

Looking at all these names brings back memories of old friends and acquaintances like Mr and Mrs Stick and their daughter Ella. To call her a friend would be stretching it a bit; but she was good fun until I made a snap decision to end it all.

I also recall the somewhat superstitious couple who always tried to anticipate every eventuality. What was their name ... oh here it is in the program. Mr And Mrs Case and their son Justin. 

I don't know about you, but I am not superstitious. Just a little stitious at times. For instance, I would never walk under a black cat. 

What a party and what an evening that was. I wonder if you were also there and at the time we had not met each other and get acquainted. Do you remember anyone else at that party?

Oh ... by the way. That man who sniggered at me when I arrived. His luck soon ran out. I went out with the lady he was with at the time. We became good friends!!!