Christmas presents

 

Well, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with family and friends and that you had lovely presents which you have enjoyed and will perhaps come useful in future as well. 

Normally at Christmas people receive gifts such as perfumes, slippers, various clothing items, socks, toys or even electronic gadgets such as tablets, computer games, electric hair dryers and this and that and the other thing.

Personally, I prefer edible gifts. There's nothing better than edible gifts for two main reasons. First of all, they can be nutritious, secondly you do not have to find a place where to store them, (often unused), and keep them safe to re-cycle them next time you're looking for a birthday, wedding or Christmas gift for someone else. 

There's nothing better than an edible Christmas tree with edible decorations - that's what I say.

Well ... this year someone gifted me something edible; although I doubt that is what he had in mind. He gave me a French snail called Hugo Slow.

Yes; a genuine, live, French garden snail which you can find plenty of in any back garden or park in France. 

I was told that this was a pet which needed very little looking after. It does not need to be taken for a daily walk, it does not jump on the couch when you're not looking, or scratch at furniture or do any of the things a dog or a cat would do which you wish they did not do. It does not even need to go out in the garden to do its business, or climb trees and become unable to get down again. 

This pet just stays in its glass tank and is happy to be fed with lettuce leaves and the odd dandelion leaf easily obtainable from my garden.

At the most, he just walks a few inches a day from one end of its glass tank to the other. He will not escape because the top of the tank is covered by a metal mesh to prevent him from going out.

More often than not, all you see is just the shell. Sometimes he comes out of his shell, especially when slightly claustrophobic, and you see him sliding slowly and perhaps nibbling gently a bit of lettuce or so.

Whereas some people do have their pets with them in bed, you do not need to do so with Hugo Slow because his tank in our bed would cause a real obstacle to marital harmony. No one wants a ménage à trois with Hugo in bed.

I'll never forget the day I replaced our king-sized double bed with a trampoline and my wife hit the roof. 

So now, for the sake of calm and happiness, I always ask for permission first on such bedroom matters.

And there you have it; this Christmas I did receive an edible gift in the shape of Hugo Slow; yet he is not edible for reasons that are very obvious ... we have no garlic sauce to serve him with!