Lessons on being helpful

 

It seems that all my attempts at being helpful backfire some way or another. But I just can't help to volunteer even when I have no cause to do so and it's better to stand aside.

In a restaurant once someone shouted "is there a medic in the house?" To impress the people I was with I jumped up and said, "Can I help?"

A waiter in the kitchen had slipped and hurt his foot. I did not know what to do. Mouth to mouth resuscitation was not an option. So I placed my hand on his forehead to take his temperature. I don't even know what the normal temperature is. I then checked his pulse by holding his wrist. Everyone around was amazed at my technique. I said, "It's important to check for vital signs!" I then said with authority, "I think you should call an ambulance!"

On another occasion in Paris someone fell in the river. You could say he was in Seine! I threw him one of those inflatable rings on sign posts nearby and it hit him hard on the head nearly knocking him unconscious. Two other people swore at me in French and jumped it to pull him out of the water. That's very rude of them. If it was not for me throwing the ring they would not know where he was drowning.

I remember one day in the park in England some people were playing football. They hit the ball so hard it came towards me. In order to impress them I placed the ball on the ground, took a run at it, and kicked it back. Unfortunately I kicked it to the left and it went in the river. They too were rude about it. In English, not in French. 

Driving on a country lane one evening I saw a car parked on the side of the road with its bonnet up. A sure sign over here that the car had broken down. I stopped to help. It was an old couple. I looked under the bonnet and did not know what to do. It was all bits of engine and wires and cables and mechanical things. Why can't car manufacturers label each bit with a name and what it is for? The old man said, "Actually, the problem is a flat tyre, we are waiting for the car rescue service to arrive!" The old lady thought I was a thief and threatened to beat me with her umbrella.  

There was a commotion in town. Someone shouting, "stop ... thief ..." and running out the store. I jumped in and stopped him to the ground. He was the security guard chasing the real thief. I was accused of being an accomplice ... of the thief, not the security guard.

I think I'll give up being helpful. The good Samaritan did not have such troubles. Imagine if as he was helping the man onto his donkey the donkey had bitten him. He would have been accused of adding bites to assault, and charged for being the actual thief rather than the helpful Samaritan.