Knee Problem

Something very strange happened to me recently. I have been to the doctor's and he sent me to hospital and I am sad to say it is not getting any better.

To get straight to the point; my knee is playing music. I guess some of you are smiling already thinking that this is one of my funny articles written to amuse you. But it isn't. This is serious.

Let me explain.

I was sitting by the fireplace a few days ago reading one of my books, (someone's got to read them), when the dog approached me, sat by my side and pricked his ears up. He turned his head to one side, then the other side. Whined once or twice and then barked loudly.

I jumped out of my chair.

"Stupid dog," I said, "you gave me a fright. Go to bed!"

"Who's Fred?" he replied, lying down next to me.

I ignored him. After a while he got up again and barked loudly at my knee.

"What's wrong with the dog?" asked a member of the family coming into the room.

"I don't know, he's being stupid as ever," I replied reading my book for the nth time.

"He seems to be listening to something. It's disturbing him. Have you got your cell phone in your pocket?"

"No!" I replied reading the same sentence once again.

"Hey ... there's a sound coming from near you. It's near your leg. Sounds like music!"

"What do you mean," I said, lifting my leg up to listen and falling off the chair. I am not as supple and flexible as I used to be, you know.

"There ... from your knee ... sounds like music!"

To cut a long story short, I went to the doctor. He put a stethoscope on my knee and listened. Then he asked, "have you ever had water on the knee?"

"I used to," I said, "but now I am careful and aim straight!"

He continued listening for a few more minutes.

"Well? What are you listening for?" I asked after a while.

"I am waiting to see if they'll play my favourite tune!" he said, "I like Country Music! Dolly Parton is my favourite."

I was sent to hospital and there, first a doctor, then a consultant, then a number of nurses listened to my knee.

It was embarrassing having all those nurses and doctors kneeling beside me and listening to my knee. They said it played Johnny Cash, and Don Williams, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Tom T Hall and many other country singers.

They said it was very low volume and you had to be very close to hear it; but it was certainly there.

No one could suggest a cure. The doctors said it's only from one knee at the moment. I asked them what if the other knee plays tunes too. They said then I'd have stereo.

Sometimes when we're in bed we hear my knee singing, "These boots are made for walking!" followed by "Stand by your man" and "Knees Up Mother Brown"!!!