Wednesday 10 September 2014

Invitation to join a new profitable Business Venture

Dear Friends,

I have a very interesting business proposition to put to you which will mature into a valuable investment.

But first let me give you some background.

A certain member of our family recently made a batch full of black buns. Now for those who don’t know, this is a rich Scottish fruitcake which is encased in pastry and then cooked. It is a particular delicacy up North on Hogmanay; and other celebratory occasions.

Now for some reason, this particular batch of black buns was harder than usual. I mean, black buns in our household are normally hard, but this lot was so hard you could have built a house with them. If you had enough of them that is; which thankfully we didn’t.

No one wanted to eat them so I took them to the local park to feed the ducks in the pond. To my amazement the black buns floated on the surface of the water. Perhaps they were hollow inside, or the rising pastry had trapped some air between the casing and the fruitcake inside.

As soon as these pastry bricks floated on the pond a flock of ducks came floating towards them cackling with excitement. The sound attracted even more ducks and swans and birds who gathered around me for a Scottish feast.

Surprisingly, their sharp beaks managed to break through the concrete pastry and into the cake but … oh horror … as soon as the ducks and swans ate some of the fruitcake they sank to the bottom of the pond like stones. A while later they got up to the surface and quickly got out of the water belching and farting and searching for indigestion tablets.

I got home somewhat dejected at my failure in introducing our ducks to a Northern delicacy; and then it hit me … (someone threw a black bun at me which I had inadvertently forgotten behind!).

I picked up the bun and pondered. As I held the cake in my hand the warmth I generated started to soften the pastry. I ate a bit. It tasted nice and soft; so did the cake inside.

And that’s how genius works, my friends.

I had in my hand a hard edible substance, hard enough for me to stand on it without it crumbling, yet body warmth makes it soft, and safe to eat, and sweet.

What if I had enough black buns ingredients to mould the cake into the shape of a seat?

We quickly made another lot and in about an hour or so we had made a small baby-sized chair. It was strong enough for me to sit on, I tell you; yet, after a while I could break off a bit from the chair and eat it.

That’s it folks! Edible furniture has arrived.

We’re now discussing business terms with a furniture manufacturer and a large bakery nearby.

We intend making all sorts of seats, chairs, sofas, armchairs, as well as tables and other household items.

We’re thinking about different flavors too. Chocolate is a distinct favorite as well as vanilla flavored pastry and savory cakes too.

Can you imagine the endless possibilities?

You invite guests to dinner at your house and end up eating the furniture. We’re considering meat and vegetable flavors too as well as vegetarian and vegan products.

The advantage of this is that you save on expensive meals which you have to prepare and cook and, every time you have a party you have a new style of furniture to keep up with the latest styles and fashions … and flavors.

If you go on a picnic, all you have to take with you is some chairs which you can eat whilst lying there on the beach, or nearby a river, or in the park. And don’t worry about cleaning up afterwards. Any crumbs you leave behind will be eaten by the birds.

Imagine for a moment sports venues where all the spectators sit on edible seats which they eat whilst enjoying the football game. They’d be able to book a seat in advance in their favorite flavors.

The same applies to cinemas and theaters. Can you see yourself eating through an opera or a concert?

I’ve received this morning an order for a large consignment of said edible furniture from a famous Department Store. I could have shown you the order, but I ate it.

So if you wish to make a fortune, you’d better invest in this new venture right now.

It’s selling like hot cakes.


  1. I'm a little disappointed in YA Victor #1! ... let me try to explain...

    After "I" generously invested a million in your last venture, YA didn't even have the passtreeballs to give me a chance to be YAR first share hold her, "I" mean holder.

    As a matter of fact "I" had even con, "I" mean convinced "ME", "ME" and "ME" to improve "IT" by supplying blow up bathtubs for every other customers who also bought a million of those book consisting of a list of all the words used in the English language...

    I had so many great ideas for those black buns such as... As a matter of fact, "I" had convinced some old rich Beverly Hillbillies to use them as roof shingles for their relatives and friends who were still living on the mountains with the old folks at home... they agree with me that if "IT" got to hot, they wouldn't need to go hungry, "I" mean why go hunting when you've got food in YAR house now?...

    I'm so hungry, "I" mean angry now that I'm almost tempted to can "I" mean cancel my last order but then those hot balloon blow ups have already been purchased by Elly May Clampett and her friends... the last thing "I" want to do is UPSET any of those beautiful smart blond chicks if YA get my drift?...

    I was just kidding! Sign "ME", "MYSELF" AND "I" UP for a couple of million shares in YAR new profitable Business Venture...

    P.S. Please! No hot cakes

    God Bless

    1. Perhaps you can think up some new flavors for the furniture.

      God bless.

  2. Yeah, definitely sounds like a great investment opportunity. But Victor? Does it do the same thing to people that it did to those poor ducks? I didn't even know ducks farted, to be honest with you. So, I googled it and the evidence goes both ways. See: Also came across this:

    Which also makes me wonder: can you give dogs antacids?

    You sell the buns, I'll buy stock in Beano. We'll make millions :)

    (Surely you have Beano in the UK, right?)

    Hilarious post, Victor!

  3. Just crazy the things you can learn online ;)

    1. Yes Mary. We learn a lot from the Internet.

      Cow's farts contribute to global warming because their gases destroy the ozone layer. The kangaroo on the other hand cannot actually pass wind. Its guts do not have the necessary bacteria to create the gassy emissions which make up a fart! So you cannot blame the Australians for global warming.

      The Beano is available in the UK under another name, no doubt. We have a children's magazine called The Beano. See:

      The Duck Fart mixture of Kahlua, Bailey's Irish Cream and Jack Daniels whiskey sounds too strong for me. I like all three but never had them together.

      I'm not sure whether you can give dogs antacids. When ours farts it is so strong that the neighbors move house !!!

      God bless.

  4. Lol. Quite a fart history lesson we have going on here!

    Whales do it too you know. As do iguanas:

    No, I've never had a Duck Fart either...the name alone is enough to kill any desire to try it :)

    1. Amazing video. Thanx !!!!

      I wonder where the drink got its name from.

      God bless.

  5. I used to love Dennis the Menace - I see he was in The Beano! Never heard of most of the others though.

    1. Dennis the Menace is the oldest character from the magazine. Others have been added through the years.

      God bless.

  6. Now we're living in the future. Long has the inedible nature of my furniture tormented me. With this opportunity perhaps I will finally be able to have my cake and seat it. Have you considered other applications for this technique? Perhaps actual "shoe pastry". Just remember, in business there is often little margarine for error!

    Nicholas Taylor @ Vancouver Business Brokers

    1. You have a great sense of humour, Nicholas. Welcome here. Thanx for your visit.

      God bless you.



God bless you.