Friday 24 October 2014

I didn't mean to ...

We recently attended an Autumn Fair at our church hall. They had a few dancers and musicians to entertain the people and various stalls selling teas and cakes and books and toys and ... and ...

It was enjoyable I suppose, if you like that sort of thing, and all the proceeds were for a good cause, (I never bothered to ask what), so why not go as a family and enjoy ourselves. Better than watching the football on TV with a few cans of Guinness, I should say!

I was getting rather tired so as we were walking around I noticed a young lady setting up her stall with a big notice saying "I can paint you!" Well, I've always fancied a portrait painting of myself, rather dashing and distinguished as I am. It could hang in pride of place at our house and generations thereafter will admire what a great ancestor they are from.

So I sat on the chair and said to the lady I'll wait until she has finished setting up her stall. I must have been more tired than I thought because I fell asleep rather quickly. About twenty or so minutes later I was awakened by the family around me laughing and cheering. I eagerly looked for my portrait  ... but alas ... there was none.

The stupid woman had painted my face instead. She was a children's face painter and had assumed that I wanted my face painted.

She painted a black nose, yellowish face, and whiskers all over my face. She said it was a tiger and the family liked it so much they also wanted their faces painted. Not to spoil their fun, I agreed to keep my face paint and not wipe it off.

I soon forgot that I looked ridiculous as the only adult with a painted face. And it was quite embarrassing when our priest smiled benignly and said nothing.

A couple of hours later it was time to go home. As we passed the newsagent I stopped to pick up my favorite magazine and the children's comic "Feline Weekly". As I approached the owner of the shop and asked her for my magazine and comic she cried: "Oh you're such a nasty man ..." and, to my complete surprise, she hit me on the head with a rolled up newspaper.

I stepped back totally confused and was about to speak when an old lady standing behind me hit me with her umbrella and said: "You should be ashamed of yourself. A grown up man like you behaving so badly!"

"What have I done?" I asked totally bewildered. 

"How could you ..." cried the lady shopkeeper, "on the very day my cat Felix died to come here and mock me with your face painted like that!"

I had totally forgotten that my face was painted like a cat. I mean ... how was I to know that her Felix had just died? It was not in the obituary columns of the local newspapers and it certainly wasn't on the six o'clock news!

I was about to explain about the church Autumn Fair and the painting lady when my two children came in the shop with their faces painted as a lion and a cheetah.

The shopkeeper cried even louder and said: "You've even encouraged your children to mock me ... how awful and nasty can you get?"

We got out of the shop hurriedly and made our way home.

I didn't mean to mock her ... honest.

I blame it all on the painting lady ... don't you?


  1. Only you Victor! I only wish I could have seen a photo! You give me a regular dose of laugh.
    God bless,

    1. It's always good to laugh Noelle.

      God bless you and yours.

  2. Oh funny Victor! My daughter had her face painted like a tiger at the last fair we went to. She thought it was so cool! (And it was!)

    Yeah, much better than a boring old football game and a few cans of Guinness for sure ;) (Poor, poor, Victor. Did you at least tape the game? Lol.)

    1. No, sadly we did not tape the game ... not quite ... well ... I tried to tape the game, got the channel wrong, and when I got home we had a wildlife program about tigers.

      God bless, Mary.

  3. My grandsons paint their bodies with permanent markers---hopefully your paint lady has not changed you permanently to a cat!

    1. Oh ... it did wash off, Lulu ... eventually.

      God bless.

  4. Victor #1, I had quite the week as far as my spiritual family is considered and so I needed a good laugh and sinner vic told me to pay you a visit... I see that it has been awhile since my last visit, "I" mean my last comment... so why not go as a family and enjoy ourselves... "I can paint you!"... you fell a sleep while she was setting up her stall ,,,,,,the family around me laughing and cheering ... She painted a black nose, yellowish face, and whiskers all over my face... whow you are a real pussy cat..... I mean Tiger... and then... I soon forgot that I looked ridiculous as the only adult with a painted face .... I then heard about your favorite magazine "Feline Weekly" ... you're a nasty man?... "What have I done?" I asked totally bewildered.,, The shopkeeper cried even louder and said: "You've even encouraged your children to mock me ... how awful and nasty can you get?"... Long story short, I started to tell myself that you're definately not psychic.... and then... thought... what a kick in the stomach for such a good man... I blame it all on the painting lady ... don't you? ..

    "I" ask myself what story can "I" write to come close to this true story of yours and this below is what "I" came UP with:

    As I walked into church, I noticed one of my old priest French Priest who was replacing our new priest who is away, and said out loud, "He use to be one of my favorite priest" and right away the deacon said out loud, "He use to be?"... I was just saying that cause there were many listening and didn't really want to show favoritism so I quickly replied, "He is one of my favorite and then got a hug from him.

    Long story short my old French priest from our past church that was closed down was such a great priest that he even let the deacon give out the sermon and I'm not kidding when I say that he had plenty of great sermon stories back then and still does.

    At the end of Mass... a lady who had gotten permission from our priest gave a speech on "Let's help build a thriving church community!... There was a sheet which said below that statement...( Possible activities for our parish)... long list.

    Long story short, sinner vic started stirring up my heart and pointed out that there was nothing on this sheep, "I" mean sheet concerning doing things as "The Family" and made a few comments to my wife about nowadays propaganda in our Catholic churches... and I'll spare you the examples.

    After this lady finished speaking, my old priest made a joke which went this way and I'll try to make it as short as possible:

    There was some kind of disaster (?) an helicopter was seen taking off with 12 people holding on to a rope for dear life... the rope was to break if one person didn't make the sacrifice by letting go... after the only women on the rope gave a speech (long speech) saying that she would make the sacrifice... the eleven men jumped off... everyone was laughing except for the man and woman in front of me who walked out as soon as they got the blessing... Longer story shorter, I was not in a sinning, "I" mean singing mood and as our priest when by while looking him in the eyes, "I" told him to be careful of "Propaganda"... He simply stepped back and with a polite sad voice and face said, "IT" WAS JUST A JOKE!... Truth be known, i liked the joked but when I got home i wrote a letter, "I" mean a email to our good Bishop telling him what happened...

    I hear YA! When I said, "I blame it all on the painting lady ... don't you"?... "IT WAS JUST A JOKE"... lol

    Go Figure? I guess you were only trying to tell us that It wasn't very funny what Christ when through for us all.

    God Bless you and yours

    1. Oh dear ... what more can I say?

      God bless you and your family.

  5. Well you could at least tell Victor that when Jesus died for all our sins, He certainly went through great spiritual pain, not to mention what He went through when humanity nailed Him to the cross.

    I hear YA! Some nowadays would probably say to US (usual sinners) something like... Prove "IT" that "Jesus" really died for all of our sins? LOL :)

    God Bless



God bless you.