Tuesday 14 October 2014

One day I was a boy ...

I was reminiscing the other day when I was a boy at school and my English teacher said to me "Your grammar stinks!"

I remember being quite upset at this sudden outburst, especially since my grandma always smelled of lavender.

When I got home I told my father what the teacher had said and he asked "Which grand-mother? ... I know my own mother always smells of the sweetest delicate best quality Norfolk lavender. Although I'll admit your mother's mom does smell of potpourri!"

I explained that the teacher had not specified which grandma stank. So my father wrote a letter of complaint which I had to take to school with me.

My teacher replied that she had never commented on, nor would she ever presume to comment on, my family's body odour; although she suggested that I eat less beans!

On reading her letter my father gave me a clip round the ears. He then wrote again to the teacher apologising for the misunderstanding and explaining that beans were less expensive than other foods.

On reading my father's letter the teacher gave me detention after school.

On the Saturday I went to Confession. Our church had an old fashioned confessional which was a wooden booth where the priest sat and the penitents would kneel on either side and confess through a small window.

I told the priest all that had happened and how it was really a non-sin on my part thus deserving a lighter penance this week. He said "Don't speak so loud I can smell your grandmother kneeling on my other side!" Although he did not specify which grandma he could smell.

Then he gave me an extra penance for speaking loudly and for drawing attention to old peoples' body odour. Which technically I had not done because it was not me who started all this; it was my English teacher who said "Your grammar stinks!"

I think the church got this whole question of confession and absolution wrong somehow. I got a penance for my teacher's sin!

Moral: So did Jesus.


  1. Hi Victor! Oh my, I was laughing about the priest smelling your Grandmother in the confessional. Too funny! But what a powerful point about having to pay for another's 'sin'. Jesus sure did do that, and without complaint. That's something I do need to remember, even if I suffer for someone else's mistakes. It seems to me that many Saints did just that for the love of God.

    Have you been able to cut down on the bean-eating now that you are an adult?

    1. Hello Ceil,

      Glad to see you visiting me again. Thanx. I'm so pleased you enjoyed my funny story. I tried to make a point in a light-hearted way.

      Yes I do love beans. Still ...

      God bless you Ceil.

  2. When I was in grandma school, the children used to sing:
    "beans, beans, they're good for your heart,
    the more you eat 'em, the more you..."
    (You fill in the rest)
    I cannot believe I am commenting about this. ;o)

    Have a happy day, Victor!

    1. It's good to comment on anything you want on this Blog, Hand-Maid. In fact I'm surprised I've still got readers and visitors here after all I write.

      So thank you for visiting me.

      God bless you Hand-Maid.

  3. This is another one of your true stories, is it not?

    Non sense! "I" meant to say non sin post...lol

    God Bless

    1. Some of my stories are true. And some of my stories are not. And some are a mixture of both true and not.

      God bless.

  4. OH Victor! Thank you for a laugh!

  5. It's good to laugh, Lulu.

    God bless you.

  6. Victor, thank you for your prayers.

  7. Thank you for sending me this link, Victor! I was alternately shaking my head and chuckling, then. Then, the Moral. Wow. Good stuff.

    1. Thank you Mevely. I may re-post this sometime. It's been four years since and I now have a new audience.

      God bless you always.



God bless you.