Wednesday, 31 July 2019
Visit To Pastoral Counsellor
Counsellor: Hello again. How are you and how have you been since we last met?
Man: OK ... I guess ...
Counsellor: You don't sound convinced. Last month you were all smiling when you left here. Tell me what's been happening.
Man: Well, last week was our wedding anniversary.
Counsellor: OH ... congratulations to you and Helen. Give her my love will you? How long have you been married?
Man: About ten years!
Counsellor: You don't seem sure ... is anything the matter?
Man: Well ... I forgot about it. I got home from work rather tired and sat to watch the football on TV. She went on and on about her day. How she had taken the dog for a walk. How she met her friend Harriet. And they went shopping together. And Harriet's husband is having an operation on his butt because of a personal problem. And on and on she went on ... I kept saying yes dear ... yes dear ... but I was not really listening.
Counsellor: And why is that do you think?
Man: Partly because I was watching the game and partly because I'd had a bad day at work. I had a million and one things to do. Whilst I was shredding some very secret papers that would embarrass the firm my tie got caught in the shredder and pulled me in. I nearly shredded my beard. I pulled back hard and the shredder fell off the desk on to my foot and hurt it badly. As I pulled back sharply I fell on the photocopier and broke the glass plate where you put the paper. The manageress came in and accused me of trying to photocopy my backside. I explained what had happened and she didn't believe me. Luckily my secretary vouched for me but I still have to pay for the damage to the photocopier.
Counsellor: I understand why you were not paying attention to your wife talking. She obviously had a bad day too and wanted to share it with you. How did she take your not paying attention?
Man: She suddenly screamed ... Are you paying attention to what I am saying? I replied ... Yes ... just after he takes that penalty kick. Then she burst out crying. At first I increased the volume on the TV, then I realised I could record the game. I did so and tried to console her. That's when she told me it was our wedding anniversary and I had forgotten it.
Counsellor: I can see why she was very upset. What happened next? Did you try to hug and comfort her?
Man: No ... I decided to go out and buy her some flowers from the gas station down the road. I got in the car and in my hurry I put it in reverse and hit the car parked behind me. It did a lot of damage. To extricate both cars which were welded together I put the car in forwards and hit the parked police car in front of me. The police thought I was drunk. They took me to the station for drink driving tests. They did not believe my story about the anniversary or the fact that I broke the photocopier. They thought I was a pervert. Eventually they booked me for several things and sent me home with my solicitor.
Counsellor: Oh dear ... I am so sorry ... what happened next?
Man: It was late by the time I got home and my wife was very upset. She believed I had left her. She phoned her friend Harriet who suggested she files for divorce. Harriet never liked me ...
Counsellor: I see ... let us look at this situation in a loving Christian way and see what we have learnt and how we can proceed ... tell me ... what would Jesus do in such a situation?
Man: Well ... He wouldn't get married for a start.
Counsellor: No ... what I meant to say is ... what would Jesus not have done that perhaps you did and contributed to this situation?
Man: He wouldn't have driven the car because there were no cars at His time on earth. Nor photocopiers or shredders.
Counsellor: Oh dear ... tell me, how are things between you and your wife Helen?
Man: Well ... when my solicitor explained all that had happened, including the shredder and photocopier and the car accidents, my wife laughed and she forgave me. She said it was the funniest anniversary we'd ever had. The next day we went out, by taxi, and celebrated at a restaurant.
Counsellor: Oh good ... Praise the Lord ... I'm afraid our time is up. See you next month.