Beware when giving to charity

 

We often receive letters and emails urging us to donate to this and that charity. We end up feeling guilty if we do not respond to one appeal or another. They all have a sad tale to tell as to why they need funds.

Some charities even suggest you sponsor or "adopt" as part of your donation. For example they would say that if you were to promise to donate a certain sum each month you would "adopt" an animal, and they would send you a photo of the animal, sometimes a cuddly toy too, and every so often a letter telling you how it is doing and how happy it is in the reserve where it is living.

They asked us in church to help with continuous donations to train new priests. I kindly obliged and filled in a form.

Three weeks later we had a new trainee priest standing at our door. He came to live with us.

I could not believe it! I never agreed to have a priest living with us. I read the form I signed, and there, in very very small print, it said in Clause 365, Chapter 366, sub-paragraph 900: "The priest will live with you until he qualifies as a fully working priest and has gained at least one A Grade in his exams".

Those Catholics had tricked me once again.

Apparently I have to have this priest living with us for I don't know how long. My lawyer said it is until he finishes his training. I hope he is not a slow learner.

Can you imagine what it's like having a priest living with you? I have to mind what I say and do. For a start, I cannot watch whichever "dubious" programs on TV any more. The priest does not approve of that. And there's a limit to how much Christian programs I can take. 

I have even stopped drinking my favourite whisky or can of Guinness. 

And there's a limit to how much coffee I can take instead. I am so wound up I'm likely to lose control soon. Coffee is making me run to the bathroom more often than I like to. It is certainly not my cup of tea!

The trainee priest sits there quietly all day reading his books and praying all the time. 

Every so often he asks us, ever so politely, to test him by asking him questions from his revision books. Questions like "what does ora pro nobis mean?" And other Latin phrases which he has to learn by heart. Does anyone know how to say, "Clear off!" in Latin?

Worse of all, since he has been here I have had to be very nice and very good indeed. I am not myself any more. 

My family have noticed and liked the transformation in me. They say I am a much nicer person. That's what a lack of a good drink does to you and endless hours of Christianity on TV.

Even the cat now likes me and sits on my lap purring. It's really too much. Oh ... to be able to sin again!

I went to confession the other day and I had nothing to tell our regular priest. Ever since we've had this trainee priest living with us I have been turning into a Saint. I have not done one thing wrong or bad for ages. Not one impure thought, not one biscuit or chocolate too many, in fact none at all. Not one greedy piece of cake or my favourite cheese. In fact I am losing weight as well as being saintly - maybe it's all those sins washing away.

Can YOU imagine what it would be like having a priest living with you? Seriously now. Think about it. How would it change your life? Would it change you for the better?

Another thought - Jesus is with you right now and every day. How does this affect the way you behave?