Henry VIII

 

Pay attention everyone. Today's English history lesson is about King Henry VIII.

Now here's a tip for all of you history enthusiasts. Remember, in English history the answer to any question is more often than not Henry VIII.

Just answer Henry VIII and the chances are you are right. Here are some examples:

Name a popular English King - Henry VIII

Who broke away from the Catholic Church - Henry VIII

Who had his wives killed - Henry VIII

Name a song by Herman's Hermits - I'm Henry VIII I am

What is the capital of England - Henry VIII

Name three ways to cook a potato - Henry VIII, Henry VIII and Henry VIII

In 1509 King Henry VIII was King. He wanted a son as an heir and married six times to make sure his wife got him a son.

His first wife Catherine of Aragon brought him five daughters, (four dead), so he divorced her. She was a Catholic. When Henry VIII divorced her it upset the Pope. Henry created the Church of England with him as head. He got rid of Catholic monasteries but he still worshipped as a Catholic ... and executed those who didn't. (Confused? There's more!)

 

He married Anne Boleyn who also gave him a daughter. She was also friendly with a number of people in the palace so Henry VIII cut off her head and also that of all her lovers too. It is said that Anne Boleyn had an extra finger on one hand and three breasts! Henry accused her of being a witch because of her deformities.

Henry then married Jane Seymour who gave him a son in 1537 but unfortunately she died whilst giving birth.

In 1540 Henry married Anne of Cleves who is said to have been very ugly. The marriage was not consummated, so he divorced her.

In the same year he married Catherine Howard and shortly afterwards chopped her head off too because of her adultery.

 

In 1543 he married Katherine Parr. Now I ask you ... would you have married a man with such a track record? Anyway, by this time Henry VIII was very sick with diseases one gets when they are too friendly (know what I mean?). He died in 1547.

In those days people didn't wash as often as we do today because power showers had not been invented. So in time you could smell their arrival a mile off before they actually arrived. People with big noses suffered the most because they inhaled more of the bad smells. Having a cold was a wonderful relief. To hide their bad smell some people carried apples with cloves in it. Hmmm ... I wonder what smelled worse. A rotten apple in your armpits or the "naturelle smelle" of said body parts.

 

Did you know that during Henry VIII's reign there was a grain famine. He told his people to kill vermin that eat grains like mice, rats, and such like and he will pay them money if they handed the dead creature to the Local Authorities. Amongst the creatures on the list was the kite; a bird of prey. Someone pointed to him that the kite eats mice and birds, not grain. So in a way he was contributing to the war against vermin. Why put him on the list of creatures to be hunted? King Henry VIII reminded the people as to who was King, and the kite remained on the list.

Also, did you know that Henry VIII was short-sighted? His helmet had glass spectacles fitted to them so he could see better. The Tudors were far more advanced than we gave them credit for.

Living in Tudor times was not much fun. TV had still not been invented so people could not watch soaps for hours on end.

In Henry VIII's time football was a favourite pastime played between two villages. The ball was a pig's bladder and they started the game at a mid-point between two villages several miles apart. The idea was to get the ball into your village. The whole village population would play and there were no rules or referee. Anything goes. Just fight everyone else and get the ball to your village. Many people got injured and hurt. In 1540 Henry VIII banned the game because he needed soldiers for his army and too many people were getting injured and maimed playing football.

It was not a healthy time either. They had open sewers in the streets and toilets were a hole in the ground in the back garden. They often emptied chamber pots out of the window onto the people in the streets down below. Hence the phrase "Gardyloo !!!" which roughly translated meant "watch out for the water" (and what's in it) !!!

Umbrellas had yet to be invented; but I bet the Laundry Business was quite successful.

People had very odd cures for illnesses, like swallowing live spiders, covered in butter to make them go down quicker. And swallowing powdered human skulls, or eating bone-marrow mixed with sweat. They also believed in blood-letting. You'd go to the barber and he'd cut you up and let the blood out.

 

I remember a story about a man who went to the barber's once for a haircut. As the barber was working on him the man looked down and saw a human ear on the ground. "Whose ear is that?" he asked.

The barber replied, "Hold it. If it's still warm it's yours!"

Hence the phrase "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!" which is a famous line in the play Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616).  

 

Life for women was terrible in Tudor times. If a woman did not marry she often stayed at home with her parents and spent her time spinning - hence the word "spinster". She could not become a nun since Henry VIII had closed all convents.

Women could be punished by law for nagging and scolding. Women were warned in church to stop nagging and if they continued they were punished by ducking. They were tied to a chair and lowered in the river a few times.

If a woman continued nagging and scolding she was made to wear a metal mask which clamped on the head with a metal bar in her mouth holding her tongue down. She was then paraded in town as a warning to other women.

 

Here's a short video to remind you of the names of Henry VIII's wives.