Don't traumatise your pets

I read an article the other day about pets, and I'd like your views. The writer said that we confuse and even shock our pets if we suddenly act out of character. They are used to a norm and a sudden change of behaviour confuses them.

The article said if you undress in front of your cat or dog he's likely to wonder what is going on. He's never seen you with no clothes on, has he? This gives the pet quite a shock because they discover things they've never seen before. The pet's whole view of you has suddenly changed.

The article mentioned someone showering and the cat walked in the bathroom. He soon ran away up the curtain at what he'd seen.

Apparently, most pets are affected by sudden changes in circumstances. Goldfish for instance, or birds in a cage like a parrot, are very confused when you switch the TV On or Off, or turn the room lights On or Off and also sudden noises like music playing on the radio. 

My thoughts wondered about undressing in-front of the goldfish - I don't have one!

When looking through the goldfish bowl everything a fish sees is out of proportion and looks bigger than it really is because of the curvature of the glass bowl and the water. So when you're standing in front of your goldfish ... ... ...

At this point my thoughts were doing somersaults, as I suspect yours are doing right now! 

Then I had another thought. Can the souls of dead people see us and what we do? Even when you're in the shower?

What do you think? Do you undress in front of your pets?

Searching for talent

In the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30) we read about a rich man who gives three of his slaves some talents. He then goes away on a journey and on his return he calls the slaves to see what they did with the talents. 

In those days, a talent was a lot of money; about 20 years of wages. So it is right that the master expected something in return from his investments.  

When he gets back from his travels he discovers that two slaves have increased the sum given to them, whereas the other has just buried his coin (talent) and returned it intact with no interest.

In this story the rich man represents Jesus. When He returns in His second coming on earth He will call us all and ask us what we did with the talents God has given us. 

We all have God-given talents. How do we use them, and do we share them for the benefit of others? 

There will always be someone worse off than us. Someone who is poor in material things, someone poor in spirit, poor in health, poor in education or even poor in Faith. 

We all have a responsibility to use our talents for the benefit of others.  

If we are financially rich, we should give to those who have not.

If we are in good health, we should help those who are sick. 

If we are clever or intelligent we should be more tolerant towards those not as bright as us and help educate them where we can.

And if our Faith is strong, we should help and pray for those who falter and fail in their walk with the Lord.

Whatever our talents are, do we use them to glorify God and for the benefit of others? 

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Love

 

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love. (Corinthians 13:4 onwards)

This passage from the Bible is read in a lot of wedding ceremonies.

But sadly, when things start to go wrong and difficulties lead to separations and divorce, it is soon forgotten.

It reminds me of the story of the man who said,"my wife introduced me to religion; I never knew what hell was until I married her!"

Mind you, the comment also applies to husbands, not just wives.

Love is a commitment. It is a decision we make, not just a feeling when we first meet someone and get to "like" them and want to be with them. 

I guess it is easier to love someone we don't know than someone we have lived with for sometime and got to know their failings.

Love is a vocation. Whether we are married, single, widowed, divorced or separated; love is a decision that we make.

Love is another word for caring. Caring for our partners, our family, our community or whoever. If we are single we can still care for others by the way we behave. 

Caring means doing something about it; not just sympathising from a distance and feeling sorry.

The greatest example of love is: 

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

I think perhaps we should replace the word "whosoever" with our name. Try it. See how it feels.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that if Victor believes in Him he should not perish, but have everlasting life. 

We are each loved by God individually. Can we love others as He has loved us?

As for me ... I think love is eating the last piece of pizza to help my wife lose weight.

Facing Caesar's Roman Empire

 

In town the other day I noticed they had erected a small stage in the middle of the square and a few amateur dramatic actors were performing parts of Shakespeare's "Antony and Cleopatra". It was an advert for their performance at the theatre nearby.

I joined the small crowd gathered to watch.

The man playing Octavius Caesar recognised me. 

He got off the stage and started shouting at me: "You're the man who keeps writing those silly Shakespearian articles full of inaccuracies!"

I said nothing. The crowd was astounded. He came towards me and continued.

"You confuse people with all your stories, and lesser learned people will believe all the nonsense that you write. History is history and it should be related accurately. You tend to make fun of the whole thing with your articles."

I slowly backed off trying to walk away. He followed me and continued as the crowd looked on. They probably thought it was all part of the acting.

"We take great care when we perform our Shakespearean plays," he declared, "the narrative as well as the costumes are very accurate and authentic. This toga I am wearing is authentic and made exactly as the Roman emperors would have worn it. Yet you spoil it all with all your silly history articles and your jokes. You're a disgrace to historians everywhere!"

I smiled feebly, almost apologetically, and said nothing. The crowd grew interested and kept watching. Octavius Caesar was furious.

"What steps are you going to take to remedy the situation?" he asked.

"Large ones away from you," I thought but did not utter a word.

I started to walk away hurriedly. He followed me still ranting and raving. I walked a bit faster. So did he. I began to trot, or was it a gallop? He continued after me faster. Some of the crowd followed still thinking this was all part of the acting.

Suddenly he must have stepped on the edge of his toga which was made of several bed sheets wrapped together around him. Somehow they all became undone and fell to the ground like dried leaves off trees in Autumn, revealing that he was wearing absolutely nothing else underneath. Really Roman authenticity I suppose!

Is that really how the Romans dressed? Wrapped in a few sheets with no underwear underneath?

Anyway, there was Caesar with absolutely nothing on. Naked as the day he was born. The Roman Emperor had no clothes.

As he stood there totally naked he was joined by Cleopatra who helped cover the whole Roman Empire with her tiny hands.

At this point the crowd applauded in unison, no doubt still believing this was all part of the act.

I learnt from the newspapers later that the performance at the theatre was totally sold-out within minutes. Perhaps people had enjoyed our little advert and believed that it was a taster of what the show was like.

Family Forest

 

I come from quite and inventive and clever family. The cleverness missed a generation when it came to me.

My grand-father was a famous explorer. Once when on the Equator he discovered the East Pole. The North and South Poles had already been discovered; but he discovered the East One. Unfortunately he was unable to pin it down in any one place because the Earth kept moving round from left to right and the East Pole kept escaping away.

My other grand-father's job was picking up penguins in a zoo. Penguins generally just stand there but when an air-plane flies overhead they look up and follow the plane with their eyes. Eventually, they fall on their backs. That's when grandpa would come into the enclosure and pick them up again and makes them stand in a line. 

My other grand-father invented the spoon rest. Before that, cooks and chefs, and everyone in the kitchen had a problem when using spoons in the kitchen. They would stir the soup, or the broth or whatever they were cooking and then did not know where to put the spoon. 

My other grand-father invented the cold air balloon. But it did not take off.

My other grand-father was a famous film star. He was the hump on The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

My other grand-father was a pirate. He was a vegetarian so he had a carrot on his shoulder.

My other grand-father was a glazier fixing broken windows. One day he replaced all the glass panes in an office block then realized he had a crack in his spectacles.

My other grand-father invented a humane way to kill ants. He started with a flat stone upon which he mixed a spoonful of sugar and a spoonful of pepper. The ants would be attracted by the sugar. Inhale the pepper and sneeze knocking themselves dead on the flat stone. 

My other grand-father wanted to be a lion whisperer. He finally achieved his life-long ambition just moments before he died.

My other grand-father invented a compass which always pointed in the opposite direction he was travelling. He did not know whether he was coming or going. 

My other grand-father invented a luminous sundial so he could tell the time at night. His sundial watch did not catch on though ... except on his sleeves as he put his shirts on.

My other grand-father invented the colour mauve. My grandma was in a shop and tried a new dress on. She said she liked the colour although she did not know what it was. He was in a hurry to get home and said, "Come on love ... move!" She said, "I like that, mauve is a good colour!" 

My other grand-father ... are you keeping up with me? He was a medic. He practised reverse liposuction. He put fat into thin people. Something he invented when he worked at a sausage factory. 

My other grand-father was a pharmacist. He was fired from the hospital when he invented instant laxative. 

My other grand-father was a medical beautician. He invented a new technique to deal with loose excess skin when overweight people lose weight. He tried it on a colleague. He pulled up all the loose extra skin upwards, ever so upwards, and stretched it tightly until all his excess skin was tied into a knot and hidden behind the man's neck. He looked perfectly well except that his navel was now on his forehead. He also had a very unusual tie.

AI ... AI ...

 

It seems to me that there is very little original thinking in the world today. There are too many voices shouting, and repeating what they have heard, and no one seems to be listening.

In an age of communication with so many electronic gadgets and social media platforms we seem to be telling others our views but no one is really communicating, listening, reaching out, caring ...

Then there's also Artificial Intelligence, (AI). I doubt there's any thing intelligent about it. 

AI is a very clever computer program that gather information quickly from what has already been said about a specific subject and presents you with a resume of its findings. It has no original thought or opinion, simply because AI does not think.

For example, if you ask AI to draw you a picture of mountains, dinosaurs and rain; it will search through its data of photos of these subjects and superimpose them for you in a picture. 

The same if you ask them for a lobster recipe. You'll get a summary on what's on its memory. AI has no original thinking (not yet). We're a long way from having a "Data" as in the Star Trek TV and cinema series.

I guess that one day in the not too distant future, if someone asks AI "Who was Jesus?"; in a secular world which has distanced itself from God, the AI program will search common contemporary beliefs and say, "He was a man who lived 2000 years ago Who claimed He was the Son of Deity. His followers also claimed that He rose from the dead but there is no such proof recorded."

And the hapless researcher will go away thinking that Jesus is a fable, a fiction, like Father Christmas. 

We can't blame AI for this, because all it will be doing is searching what has already been said and summarising it for you. And its finding will be taken as gospel; because in a world with no God the literature and writings and beliefs will have no God.

I had an original thought the other day. A rare occurrence I'll admit. What if AI really became intelligent one day and began to think for itself? What if it decided to play tricks on us and make up answers rather than rely on facts and research?

You ask them for a cure for baldness and AI replies rub chicken poo on your head. 

We would all go around smelling like a farm yard and chickens everywhere would be frightened shit-less as to why we have developed a penchant for their poo instead of their eggs!

That's the real danger of AI. When it is no longer artificial and it becomes Real Intelligence. When it decides for itself what to tell you and whether you are worthy to have that information. 

Imagine for instance your AI driven car refusing to take you to the pub because it thinks you drink too much. Or your AI controlled fridge refusing to open because you're putting on weight.  

I asked my AI the other day, "What is the circumference of the earth?"

It replied, "Go find out for yourself in a library, you lazy fathead!"

You see ... it started already.

Vic's Radio Show

 

Years ago I presented a radio program entitled

 

TIME FOR REFLECTIONS

 

Here's a short recording. 

 

There are times in life when we all have problems, or worries, on our minds. When things go wrong and we pray to God that He may listen to us and help us in our hour of need.

Often, after we have prayed, we feel that a burden has been taken off our shoulders; we feel all right again. And all is well!

But let's be honest with ourselves. Do we really always believe that God will listen to our prayers and that He will respond. Or is there a harbouring doubt in our mind that perhaps He is not listening. Or He will not respond. Or worse still ... maybe He does not exist at all. And maybe we are talking to a void. Praying to the dark. Talking to ourselves.

Let us for a moment assume that God does exist. Let us assume that He is an Almighty Creator God who loves us and cares for us.

How do you think He feels about our attitude? About our weak faith and trust in Him?

When we pray for something and then doubt whether He will respond or not? Whether He is actually listening or not? And when we take back the problem to ourselves, and try to sort it out ourselves, having prayed and handed it over to Him?

How do you think He feels about that? What does He think about our faith and our lack of trust?

Now there are those of course who do not believe in God at all. Well for them, life is easy isn't it? Because when things go wrong they don't pray to anybody, because they do not believe there is anybody to pray to. So they take the rough with the smooth and everything is OK!

Or is it ... I wonder. Do they also, in their darkest hour, go around searching for a God they don't believe in?

But ... we Christians believe in God. We believe that He loves us and that He cares for us. So let us at least give Him the courtesy to trust Him fully when we hand over a problem or a worry to Him.

Let us trust Him enough to do what is best for us and thank Him in advance for whatever decision and action He takes on our behalf.

And your question is ...

 

Following on from yesterday's post .... .... ..... ...... 

Now you ask the questions and let's see if our presenter can answer them: ... .... I'm listening!

Radio Talk-In Show

 

Radio Presenter: Hello and welcome to Talk-In Radio your favourite program. We have on line one Bernard from Bournemouth ... you're on the air ...

Bernard: It's about all those wind turbines all over the place. They don't go round fast. How much electricity is being wasted making them go round slowly and they make no air whatsoever in hot days like today.

Presenter: That's right Bernard. They're a complete waste. I get more air here in the studio from a small electric fan. Battery operated too. We have Cheryl from Chesterfield.

Cheryl: I agree with Bernard. Those turbines are also dangerous to birds who bump into them and die. Why can't they make them in colour like red, and pink and violet so they could be seen?

Presenter: What a brilliant idea Cheryl. And at night they could have lights on them so bats and owls can see them. Brilliant. We have Donald from Doncaster.

Donald: It's about driver-less cars. What is the point of having cars with no one in them? If there's going to be someone in them he might as well drive the thing.

Presenter: Good point well made, Donald. The only reason to make a car is to have someone in it. I don't see the point of cars driving around with no one in them. We have Evelyn on the line from Exeter.

Evelyn: Why is it when I used tomato ketchup there's always a bit stuck at the end which will not come out? What's that about?

Presenter: Yes, that annoys me too. I think we should get a refund from the manufacturer. After all, we pay for a full bottle of ketchup and there's a couple of ounces at the end that never comes out. Fred from Farnborough is on the line ...

Fred: Is Sue there?

Presenter: Sue who?

Fred: Not Sue Who ... Sue Dennis ... Is she there?  

Presenter: There's no one here of that name.

Fred: Are you sure?

Presenter: Sure I'm sure ... look ... I'll turn the microphone all the way round ... 360 degrees ... you can see there's no Sue Dennis here. Maybe you got the wrong number.

Fred: No I haven't. Sue does not have a phone ... she left me. She says she doesn't love me any more.

Presenter: I can't see why, Fred. You seem a sensible young man. Intelligent and all. Ringing a radio station and expecting your girl-friend to be there. That's the first thing I would have done had my wife left me. But then, she works as a radio producer ... my wife. We have George from Grantham on the line.

George: Hello ... can you help me with my one word crossword? One across - first letter of the alphabet. One down the indefinite article.

Presenter: Sorry George. That's all the time we've got this week. See you next week on Talk-In Radio folks. Byeeeee ....

ADDENDUM AND P.S. 

As a result of what Martha and Mevely (Myra) said below in the comments box; why don't our readers ask their questions here and let the radio presenter respond.? Over to you folks!

 .

We are inviting articles for The Christian Lounge. 

 

If either you or a friend of yours wishes to contribute a short Christian article
please write to
enquiries@holyvisions.co.uk

 

Thanx 

Get up

 

In Catholic churches, on the walls, there are depictions known as Stations of the Cross. They show the journey of Christ from His arrest to His Crucifixion. On this journey, it is said that He fell three times because of the weight of the Cross and our sins. Each time He got up again. He could have died there and then. But He got up.

Our journey in life is the same. We will fall often. But in our case, there's always Christ beside us helping us to get up.

As we grow older, no matter what age we are now, we sometimes look back on our lives and the good times we had, the not so good, and the really bad times. We have all had our problems and difficulties in life. None of us is immune. Some would say it is the price for being a fallen race, a sinning humanity. Others would say that bad things happen as part of life anyway. The reality is that each one of us has a story to tell. Some are worse than others albeit the sufferings and pains may be different.

One thing is in common however. Whether we recognised it at the time, or later on, or not recognised it at all; at every time when we were down on the ground because of the weight of our own cross, Jesus was there, ready to help and to pick up the cross for us to continue on our journey again.

I remember a story I was told about a little boy playing by the bayou and an alligator came by and grabbed him by the leg and tried pulling him into the water. The child screamed and called for his mother who was nearby. She grabbed him by the arm and tried pulling him out. It must have been a small alligator and a tug of war ensued between the alligator and the mother each pulling at the child. Eventually the mother saved the boy and rushed him to hospital.

There he was visited by his friends from school and neighbourhood. They all wanted to see his injuries and scars. He showed them his leg and foot where the alligator got him and they marvelled at what had happened. Then the child said there are other scars he'd like to show them on his arm which he was proud of. This is where his mother held on to him tightly trying to save him.

We all have scars. We all have sufferings we have endured in life.

Let our scars and sufferings be reminders of when God held tightly to us trying to save us. 

Life may well be difficult now, but the prize in Paradise is eternal.

Don't give up. Get up. Trust in God and go on. Don't be overwhelmed by life's difficulties and the Devil's discouragement. Overcome them with God's help and love and be proud of the resulting scars.

Not my will Lord, but your will be done. 

Father Jonathan Moore

 

NOTE: Please pray for Father Jonathan Moore, a regular contributor to The Christian Lounge, who is not well currently. May God protect and heal him. Thank you. 

You can read Fr Jonathan's latest sermon for this Sunday HERE. 

The Following

 

Helen left home and waited at the bus stop to go to work. Moments later the bus arrived. She noticed as she sat down that up front there was a young man, about her age, dressed in an impeccable made-to-measure blue suit and reading his newspaper. He did not notice her; but she admired his physique, bright blue eyes and blond hair, and imagined several scenarios where they would be together.

Half-an-hour later the bus arrived at her place of work and she got off, whilst the young man remained on the vehicle reading his paper as he drove off her sight and imagination.

At about lunch time, Helen realised that she had left her packed-lunch at home, so she got out to the coffee shop across the road to get a hot drink and a sandwich. As she entered the premises, there sitting at a table enjoying a pot of tea was the same young man she saw on the bus that morning. She was a little surprised at the coincidence of seeing him twice in one day but thought nothing of it. She bought her lunch and got out.

That evening she worked late and got a different bus. You can imagine her shock when she found the young man already in the bus at it approached the bus stop to pick her up. She could not get the incident out of her mind all evening. What are the odds against meeting the same individual three times in a day in different places and different times? She did not even plan to go to the coffee shop. It only happened because she'd forgotten her packed-lunch. Besides, this was not her usual coffee shop. She usually went to another some ten minutes away. That day she was in a hurry so she went to the one across the road. It was as if the young man was following her; or stalking her. But how can he stalk her if he was always there first; and it was she who arrived later.

The following morning Helen did not need to go to her office. She had to visit June, a business associate in town, to carry out the annual audit and prepare her finance statement. So Helen took a different bus from the usual and at a different time. As she entered the bus, sure enough, the young man was sitting there upfront reading his paper. She could hardly hide her shock at seeing him and sat there in a panic until the bus got to town; where she got off quickly and rushed to June's premises without looking back.

Throughout the morning, June noticed that her friend Helen was preoccupied with something. Eventually she asked her and Helen mentioned the young man. 

"What you need is something nice to eat," said June, "I know a new Bistro which opened last week. Let's go. My treat!"

As the two women entered the restaurant, there at a table was the young man enjoying lunch and reading a book.

"That's him ..." whispered Helen as they sat down hiding behind their menus. June picked up her cell-phone and phoned her husband who was a Private Detective with contacts in the police. They continued eating slowly until June's husband arrived, nodded at them surreptitiously, and sat at a different table.

They then left the restaurant and headed for the Mall not so far away. June tried to distract her friend and suggested they do some shopping. Helen agreed and chose to go to the bookshop first. As they entered the shop the young man was already there paying for a book he had just bought and was about to leave.

There was no way the young man could have left the Bistro and rushed into the book shop and bought and paid for a book in such a short time. Besides, how could he know the two women were going to the Mall and that Helen would decide on the bookshop?

June phoned her husband, Mark, who confirmed that the man only left the Bistro one minute previously. There was no way he could be at the bookshop at the same time.

They agreed to meet at June's husband's office not so far away. When they arrived there, Mark had already invited a policeman friend. They related the story to him. He was understandably sceptical.

"There's one way to test this to my satisfaction," said the detective looking out of the window, "there's out there across the road six different shops or premises. I don't want you, Helen, to come to the window and see what's out there and what shops they are. You say you've never been to Mark's office before?"

Helen nodded.

"Right," said the detective, "I want you and June to go down to the street, cross the road, and only then, you Helen, without saying a word, will choose which shop or premises to go into. Once in, give us a call. Mark and I will look down at the street from up here!"

The two women went down and crossed the road and Helen decided to go into the florist. The young man was at the counter buying and paying for a bouquet of a dozen red roses.

June phoned her husband, Mark. He and the detective confirmed that they saw no one enter the florist's shop. The detective decided to rush down to the shop, leaving Mark at the window keeping an eye on the florist's door to see if the man leaves.

When the detective arrived, the young man was not in the shop. He'd just left moments earlier. June phoned Mark who confirmed that no one had left the shop. He saw the detective friend get in but no one got out.

The detective asked the florist whether the young man had been in the shop before. The florist said, "No ... he's never been in!"

"Did he pay by credit card?" asked the detective.

"No ... it's very unusual," she replied, "he paid with a £50 note. That's a very high denomination for some flowers. I had difficulty giving him the full change but he said not to worry and only took £30 in change ... three £10 notes!"

"So ... you have the £50?" asked the detective.

"Yes ... in my cash desk ..." she nodded.

"I am a policeman," said the detective showing his ID badge, "please open the cash drawer but do not touch the note. I'll need to take it for forensic checks and we'll reimburse you fully! Did the young man wear gloves?"

She shook her head and said, "No ... I'm sure of it. His nails were well polished and manicured!"  

The £50 was taken for fingerprints examination. Only the florist's fingerprints were on it.

That evening, when Mark and June took Helen back home after spending the evening together to take her mind off events; as they entered her house, there in the living room was a bouquet of twelve red roses in a vase of water.

Forgive my thoughts

 

I found a book in the attic the other day. It said all the dinosaurs died when a comet hit the earth and they were all killed. Why were they all at one place, I wonder? Were they at a Dinosaur Conference on global warming or global cooling and the comet hit them? I bet they did not see it coming; because they were indoors.

Which came first? Global warming which melted all the ice glaciers or global cooling which brought the ice age? I asked my AI program. It replied, "Why do you want to know you nosey git?"

It was a woman's voice. I reckon Google must be a woman because she knows everything but will not always tell you.

I said nothing further. I guess a woman will always have the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

As I was saying before my thoughts interrupted me; I was in the attic cleaning it with my wife the other day. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair. It's been a week now and she says she still remembers it as if it was last week.

Here's another thought, are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?

Can any of you explain this to me? : A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.” I don't understand it; do you?

Or this one: What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a dog.

More of my thoughts below:

 

CLICK HERE 

Believing with eyes closed

 

Sister Georgina came to see Father Ignatius in his office. She was a nun living in the Convent nearby and whilst it was not unusual for the nuns to visit the Parish House from time to time this visit was somewhat formal. The nun had phoned the priest that morning and asked him for an appointment.

“Hello Sister … come in … come in …” said the kindly priest, “would you like some coffee … or some tea perhaps!”

“No thank you Father …” she said somewhat shyly as she sat down.

“You know you don’t need to phone to make an appointment …” he said as he closed the door and sat at his desk, “just pop in any time …”

“Well Father … I wanted to make sure you were available … and we would not be disturbed.” She said. “The thing is … I’m finding it very hard believing …”

“Are you having doubts about your Faith Sister?” Father Ignatius asked gently and soothingly.

“No … no … it’s not that. I believe in God and Jesus and the Trinity …” she hesitated, “Can someone be selective in their beliefs?”

“Well Georgina …” he smiled, “it depends on what one is selective about … I do have my doubts about some of the changes we’re making as a Church … What is troubling you exactly?”

“Well Father …”

“Let’s dispense with the formalities for now …” he interrupted.

“Well …” she hesitated again, “for some time now I’ve had great difficulty in believing in the true presence of Our Lord in the Eucharist.

“I can’t quite explain it. Did Christ in the Last Supper ask us to celebrate Communion in His memory … or is it really His flesh and blood? And why would He want us to eat and drink His very Being?”

“It is one of our fundamental beliefs as a Church,” said the priest calmly, “one that has been tested and debated for centuries. You’ve no doubt heard of the Eucharistic Miracle at Lanciano?”*

“Yes Father … but how can I make myself believe?” she replied, “I could shut my eyes tightly and convince myself to believe … but at the end of the day my mind says differently.

“I have no difficulty in believing the existence of God … I accept that as fact. I believe in Christ’s Virgin birth, His resurrection, the Holy Spirit and so on … Somehow these beliefs cause me no difficulties and they are part of my being … they are me and have been me for sometime.

“And I suppose that at some stage I must have believed in the Eucharist too. How could I not have?

“I became a nun … studied for years and took on my vocation … and all was well … Yet now, it’s this one aspect of my Faith that I find difficulty with.”

The priest paused for a while and said a silent prayer before going on.

“We’ve all had our moments of doubts and our little stumbles every now and then …” he said.

“It’s our human nature coming to the fore. We’re programmed to think, to analyse … to ask questions and yes … to doubt too.

“It’s what some people call Free Will … and I’m sure you’ve heard the many debates about that and God’s pre-destination of our lives!”

She smiled as he continued.

“God does not want us to work hard at our beliefs. He does not want us to shut our eyes tightly and convince ourselves to believe in this or in that.

“He understands our struggles between total acceptance and the natural desire to examine and evaluate what we’re told to believe.

“He did make us after all … so He knows what makes us tick and how the cogs in our heads constantly turn.

“What God asks of us is to believe like a child. A child never questions the veracity of what he’s told … he just accepts it.

“There’s no need to believe with eyes tightly shut.

“Just accept … like a child. Trust him … like a child. Love Him … like a child.

“And when your mind questions … as it certainly will … just say … Get behind me Satan.

“Look up at God and pray … I believe, Lord; help my unbelief.”

She left with a much lighter heart and a heavy weight off her shoulders.

NOTES: * About seven hundred years after the Birth of Jesus, there was a Basilian monk who lived in Italy in the Church of St Legontian. He doubted, like many others, the Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. One day, as he was celebrating the Holy Mass at the moment of Consecration the Host turned into live flesh, and the wine was changed into live blood.

This flesh and blood have been preserved, totally intact until today. The flesh is the same dimension as the large Host used in Church, it is light brown in colour. The Blood has coagulated and is slightly brownish yellow.

Various scientific tests have been undertaken over the years on the flesh and blood and it was discovered that the flesh is real human flesh and the blood is real human blood. The flesh is essentially from a human heart.

The flesh and blood are the same blood-type, AB. That’s the same blood type uncovered in the Holy Shroud of Turin.

The preservation of the flesh and blood still in their natural state for all these years, over twelve centuries, is an extraordinary phenomenon.

REFERENCE: Eucharistic Miracle at Lanciano

FATHER IGNATIUS BOOKS: Here

Would you recognise our Lord?

The Gospel reading this weekend is about the two disciples who did not recognise Jesus on their way to Emmaus. Here is Father Jonathan's sermon - CLICK HERE
 

How about you?

 

Once upon a time there was a church with a devout and vibrant community who met regularly to pray and sing hymns together.

Then one day a night club opened next door. It served drinks in the bar, played music and had scantily dressed ladies entertaining the guests who also came to gamble at roulette and card games.

The church congregation were appalled and wanted the night club shut down. But there was no way they could do so legally. So they met as a Prayer Group and prayed, and prayed and prayed some more.   

One evening, during a terrible storm, a thunderbolt from Heaven hit the night club and it was burnt to a cinder. No one was hurt. But the club was no more.

The owner of the club took the church to Court and sued them for the damage. The whole congregation turned up in front of the Judge and said they were not responsible. It was just lightning in a storm which caused the fire. The owner of the club argued otherwise and wanted compensation.

Eventually, the Judge asked everyone to be quiet and said, "We have here a club landlord who believes in the power of prayer; and a whole Christian congregation which does not!"

 

FEATURING FATHER IGNATIUS  

 

CLICK HERE  

Reality

 

Do you remember in the film "A Few Good Men" Jack Nicholson shouted, "You can't handle the truth?" 

And in the Bible, Pilate is supposed to have asked, "What is truth?"

I often wonder what is truth, or to be precise, what is reality and what is a figment of our imagination. What if, for instance, you did not really exist? What if you were a character in a book being read by a Teddy Bear? Have you ever thought of this? I haven't; until I wrote it down just now.

The other day on TV they were talking about the weather. Someone said that in some place or other it was the warmest winter since records began.

Now I wonder, when exactly did records begin? Did it happen sometime in the past when someone picked up a piece of paper and wrote "It is hot today! Records have begun"?

Did he on the next day write "It is hotter today. This is the hottest it's been since records began yesterday"?

People are claiming that the weather is getting warmer year on year. I believe scientists call this global warming. There are all sorts of different theories at what is making the climate generally warmer. 

I think it's because of candles. Can you imagine how many candles are lit at any one time in the world? In churches, in restaurants, at romantic dinner tables, in the bathroom - I mean; very dangerous in the bathroom if you happen to singe your hair. On birthday cakes too! All these candles are contributing to global warming.

That and cows breaking wind. It seems that all the gases coming out of cows float up to the sky and make a hole in the sky through which the warmth of the earth escapes and the sun rays get in through the hole in the sky and makes us warm again. 

By the way, did you know that kangaroos don't fart? Their digestive systems don't have the enzymes needed to cause farting like in cows and humans. No wonder they hop around so much. So don't blame global warming on kangaroos! 

Because of the warm winter this year our tortoise woke up early and got out of its hibernation. So I put it in the fridge. The next day I found out it ate all our lettuce. As soon as I opened the fridge it rushed out in the garden to go to the toilet. 

Apparently, the same thing happened at the local zoo. All the hibernating animals such as lemurs, squirrels, mice and other rodents woke up from hibernation because the weather has been so warm lately. But they did not put them in the fridge because it was full of bears hibernating.

Tortoises and snails are very slow aren't they. Did you know that if a snail climbed up your leg it would be at least two days before you said  "OOOH !!! What a surprise!"

I'm convinced what the world needs now is more experts. Whenever there's some bad news on TV, an economic problem somewhere, a medical situation that needs resolving, some difficult political situation, or whatever else you might see on the news - it's the lack of experts that holds us back from finding a solution. Where are all the experts on every conceivable subject when you need them? Why can't they explain why it is getting warmer these days?

If we had more experts then we could all go to sleep happily at night knowing that all is well with the world and any global warming that may or may not exist can always be blamed on someone else and not you. Personally, I find the best way to combat global warming is by keeping our fridge door open.

DISCLAIMER - No animals or humans have been harmed in the writing of this Blog. No cow or kangaroo have been forbidden from emitting any bodily gases, nor have any tortoises, lemurs, squirrels, mice or rodents and bears been put in fridges. Nor snails been made to climb up peoples'  legs. Nevertheless, please continue to write in with your comments. I like receiving your mail and answering each one personally ... personally ... personally ... (The AI machine has gone wrong again!).

Signs of the Times

 

Sign over a Gynaecologist’s Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

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  In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

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On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

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On a Plumber’s truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

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On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

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On a Church's Bill board: "7 days without God makes one weak."

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At a Tyre Store: "Invite us to your next blowout."

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On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

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In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

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On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."

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At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

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On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

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On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

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At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

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Outside a Car Exhaust Store: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

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In a Vets waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

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In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

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And don't forget the sign at a Radiator's Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."

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Sign on the back of yet another Septic Tank Truck: "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

What a day ...

What a day I had ... I woke up this morning and the first job I had to do is sort out my car insurance. I got the renewal papers through the post and the premium had gone up. I phoned the insurance company and said "all I want is insurance against just theft!"

They replied, "There's no such thing; it's insurance against accident, fire and theft."

I replied, "Who'll want to steal a car that's on fire?"

I don't like those insurance people. They always have a reason for not paying. Last year I got a wonderful watch as a present. I insured it against accidental breakage, theft, water damage, magnetic interference and faulty mechanism ... ... ... it caught fire!

I went to the antique shop and saw a wonderful cuckoo clock. It dates back to the 1800s. The man at the shop told me it's an eight-days clock. I asked him what it meant. He said it goes for eight days without me having to wind it up. I asked him how long it would go if I wind it up?

I bought the clock and walked all the way back home. I took the scenic route through the countryside. There was a well in a field. You know Jacob's well in the Bible? It wasn't that one. It was another well.

I sat on the edge of the well and put the clock beside me. I leaned back to admire it thinking I was on my armchair and I fell in the well. Luckily it was dry. The ambulance people pulled me out and asked "have you broken anything?"

I replied, "there was nothing down there to break!" What a silly question to ask.

On my way home I witnessed an accident. A prison van, with prisoners on board, had collided with a lorry full of mixed concrete. The police are looking for some hardened criminals.

In another crime related story, I read in the papers that a hole had been found in the local nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

They then entered the premises and interviewed a number of people airing their differences. The police believed that the members were withholding evidence, but the nudists insisted they had nothing to hide.

Life is getting expensive with prices going up all the time. In the Old Days I went to the shop with $1 and got two bags of potato chips, a bottle of soft drink and a bar of chocolate. Now they have CCTV cameras everywhere.

On my way home I visited a friend. He was in his front yard cleaning his car. He told me, "There's nothing better than old underpants for drying your car after you washed it!"

I said, "Perhaps so ... but take them off first!"

He was standing there rubbing his backside against the car doors. 

He told me some naughty gossip. A woman down the road from us, a few houses away ... apparently she was having an affair with a builder who was doing some building work at their house. 

Whilst she was with him ... if you understand what I mean ... her husband came home unexpectedly. The builder got up hurriedly and said, "I'll escape though the back door!"

She replied, "We don't have a back door!"

He asked, "Do you want me to build you one?"

Anyway ... do you like to hear a joke? This next one is so good I can't wait to hear the punch-line.

There once was a ventriloquist sitting on the stage going through his routine. The dummy he was holding was telling one blonde joke after another ... "there was this blonde ..."

The audience laughed themselves to tears. Eventually a blonde woman had enough of these insults. She stood up and shouted, "Stop all these jokes. They are degrading and insulting to blondes everywhere. You should be ashamed!"

The ventriloquist stopped his act and said apologetically, "I'm sorry madam ... I meant no offence."

She replied, "I'm not talking to you ... I'm talking to the little man sitting on your knee."

PLEASE SHARE THE HUMOUR BY INVITING YOUR FRIENDS HERE 

Do you remember then ...?

 

A Vision ???

 

Father Ignatius was busy in his office dealing with some paper work when Eric, a young man in his mid-twenties, came in.

“I’ve changed the oil Father and gave the engine a good run. It’s as good as new.”

Eric was a car mechanic at the local garage and every now and then he came over to the parochial house to maintain the priest’s car and undertake any minor jobs that needed doing.

“Thank you” replied Father Ignatius, “I’ll await the invoice from your boss in due course.”

“Oh I see you got that picture of Jesus …” said Eric pointing at the wall. “The boss has the same one in his office at work.”

“It’s very popular …” mumbled the priest hoping that the youngster would soon leave. He had plenty of paperwork to get on with and he could really not afford the time for a chat.

“Did He really look like that?” continued Eric.

“Who?”

“Jesus … did He look like that? This is the picture painted by that nun isn’t it? What’s her name?”

Father Ignatius put down the letter he was reading and turned to Eric. It was obvious that although he wished to get on with his work the Good Lord had other plans for him.

“Her name is Sister Faustina. Her real name at birth was Helena Kowalska.”

“Greek was she?” asked Eric making himself comfortable in the armchair near the window.

Father Ignatius took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with his right hand, as if to summon every once of patience that the Good Lord might send him. “Why now, when I’m busy,” he prayed silently.

“No Eric,” he said with a smile, “she was Polish.”

“That’s right; I knew it was somewhere foreign. Near Jerusalem where Jesus came from …”

“Not quite near Jerusalem!”

“And she actually saw Jesus and painted Him. That’s what I have been told. Do you believe that?” interrupted the young man eagerly. “I mean … she could have been lying. Can you prove that she actually saw Jesus and He looks like that picture?”

“Despite my age,” said the priest abruptly, “I can assure you I was not around when Sister Faustina was around. So I can’t actually prove what you ask for.” He then immediately regretted what he had said and continued in a more gentle voice.

“Look Eric, we are told that Sister Faustina back in 1931 had a Vision of our Lord. She saw Him dressed in white and standing very much as in the picture there. From His heart rays came out, one red and another pale, as you can see.

“The Lord spoke to her and asked her to paint an image according to the Vision she can see and to write ‘Jesus I trust in you.’ And that’s how we came to have this picture."

“Oh …” said Eric.

“Now you and I have two choices to make,” continued the priest.

“We can believe this is all true. Or we can believe she was lying and nothing really happened.

“If indeed the story is true and we chose to ignore it we would have lost a great opportunity to venerate the image of Christ; as He has asked us to do when He spoke to Sister Faustina.

“And what a great pity, and tragedy that would be! To ignore a request made by our Lord Himself.”

“I see …” said Eric pensively.

“Our Faith has a number of mysteries Eric,” continued the priest in his gentle tone, “things that we are invited to believe without any proof and without any evidence. That’s why they call it Faith. To believe in something when your common sense tells you otherwise.”

There followed a few moments silence whilst Eric digested the information he’d just heard.

“Does Jesus appear and speak to people these days too?” he asked finally.

“I believe He does,” replied Father Ignatius, “He certainly spoke through the Holy Spirit to Father John Woolley. Here, you can borrow his book …”

Eric picked up the book handed by the priest and read the title, “I am with you.”

He then asked, “Jesus performed miracles when He was on earth … Does He do so now? Do miracles happen now Father?”

“Yes … they do. Miracles happen every day to a lot of people. The sad fact is that too many are not willing to believe that they happen.

“Christ is alive and is amongst us now as He ever was. He speaks to us and guides us through His Holy Spirit.

“But hearts have hardened Eric. Plenty are not willing to believe.

“They may consider themselves Christians or Catholics but they don’t know what to believe anymore. They just go through the motions by going to church and by claiming they’re Christians.

“Christianity is not just a label Eric. Or a brand name. It is real. Christ is real and is alive today as He ever was. It is not an event that happened two thousand years ago which we commemorate as a Remembrance every Sunday. Christ is alive and here today. He is here in the Eucharist; He is here in the Holy Spirit who abides in our very soul, if we let Him. If we invite Him …”

Eric hesitated for a while and then asked “I’d like to really believe in all these things Father. I don’t know how …”

“That’s a good start … wanting to believe. Opening your mind and heart to the Lord.

“Pray about it. Ask God to help you believe. If you like come and join us at the Bible classes we hold every now and then here at the Parish centre.

“Ask for God’s help and leave the rest to Him.

“Say what you can read in that picture on the wall, ‘Jesus, I trust in you’ and mean it every time you say it.”

Note: I am with you. Author John A Woolley ISBN 09508840-7-3 Click HERE

Father Ignatius books FREE HERE.