Taking Nutty out

 

We have a pet squirrel called Nutty. We didn't buy him from a pet shop or a rescue centre; he is just a wild animal and he made himself our pet. He arrived in the back garden one day to eat the nuts from the bird table and has been visiting ever since. We called him Nutty.

He is so tame that he comes close for us to gently stroke his head and feed him from our hand. He also follows me everywhere in the garden. Over time, I trained him to follow me as I go out to the newsagent to get my morning papers. I walk down the lane and he follows a few feet behind all the way to the shops and back.

The other day he climbed up a tree and sat there for a while. I was concerned in case he gets lost and can't find his way back home, so I stood by the tree waiting. 

Moments later, Madame Malaprop came down the lane and recognised me. She is an elderly neighbour of French origin living a few houses away. She probably thought the worst of me seeing me there beside a tree !!!

She looked me up and down saying nothing at first. I smiled politely and said, "I am exercising my squirrel!"

She must have misunderstood me because she cried, "Oh ... mon Dieu!!!" and started coughing violently all of a sudden.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

"I am shocking ..." she cried amongst coughs and splutters, "shocking!"

"There's no need to be shocked," I defended myself, "I was doing nothing improper by the tree!"

At which point she collapsed on the ground.

I picked up my cell-phone and phoned for an ambulance. "I' am at Chrysanthemums Gardens," I said, "an old lady has just collapsed in the street and is choking!"

"How do you spell that?" the operator asked.

How do I know how to spell it? I'm too far away from the road sign to go there and read it. The old woman will probably die by then. 

There was only one thing to do. I grabbed her by the neck and dragged her all the way to the end of the road and then I said, "I am at Oak Street. That's O ... A ... K ... !!!" 

*****  

The dragging must have done the trick. Madame Malaprop got up; slapped me hard in the face, and walked away without saying a word.

At which time the ambulance arrived. I had a hard time explaining to the first responders that that woman over there was chocking just a few moments earlier. And that I had lost my squirrel.

Will we ever see Nutty again?