My mid-life crisis

 

I've been thinking; when exactly does one have a mid-life crisis and how does it manifest itself? I am asking for a friend.

I looked it up and the AI says:   

A midlife crisis is a period of deep self-doubt and emotional upheaval that typically occurs between the ages of 40 and 65. Triggered by the realization of ageing and mortality, individuals reassess their life choices, leading to desires for drastic changes or a return to youth. 

The thing is; can someone have two mid-life crisis? Only, I can't afford one; I mean that's what my friend says. Having two mid-life crisis is like having two mothers-in-law. You don't want them at the same time.

Life is confusing these days and it is going so fast. No sooner it's Monday than it's the weekend again. And we're always waiting for something to happen: an appointment, a letter, a journey. Even on the news; they always say that something will happen in a while. Whether it is a political situation, economic forecast, weather outlook or whatever. It is always in a while time.

I went to see my therapist lately. The poor guy is having a mid-life financial crisis. No one is seeking his advice on anything. I asked him how did his mid-life financial crisis manifest itself. He said the bank manager closed his account.

He then advised me, on behalf of my friend of course, to take up yoghurt to find inner peace.

Apparently you sit on the floor cross-legged and try to discover your inner-self. I just could not find mine.

The lady instructor went into the plough position and showed the class how to relax

You have to stay in that position pointing your backside upwards. She did not flinch on cheek as she invited all of us to do the same.

I discovered you have to be a contortionist to get into that position. And I am totally the wrong body shape being a wee bit rotund. My legs and arms became totally entangled and I was more disjointed than ever before. I'll tell you something. Having to get into all those difficult positions and stay there for a while ... the only thing I learnt from that yoghurt session was how to hold on from breaking wind for a long period of time.

My wife suggested I take the dog for a walk more often. But the dog was too tired to join me and he did not have a mid-life crisis. I took the cat instead. He has nine lives and at least one of them must be in the middle.

I put the long retractable dog lead/leash on him and we went out. I did not want Tommy to run into the street. Instead, he climbed up a tree and stayed there. I stood by the tree holding the lead pointing upwards. People thought I was taking the tree for a walk.

Some passer-by commented that I was having a mid-life crisis. Or my friend did/does.