The wisdom of Victor

 

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. — Groucho Marx

That's what he said about my writings, and he missed out on some real wisdom. Like for instance:

Did you know that rainbows are never square in shape or triangular because it would be difficult to slide down them.

In Australia people have their DNA spiral go round in the opposite direction to people in the Northern hemisphere. Also, over there it is spelled AND.

Laughter begins as built up pressure deep in your asparagus and it comes out as a loud noise from a hole in your head. From anywhere else and you're in trouble.

When we laugh we release dolphins deep within our bodies which make us feel good.

If you shout loud in a vacuum no one would hear you. It would make no difference whether the vacuum cleaner is switched on or off, or whether the bag is full of dirt and dust or whether it is empty?

If a tree falls in a forest and there's no one there to see it, it remains upright.

Never go swimming after you've had a meal. My grandfather once went swimming straight after eating and was attacked by a shark. Luckily he survived because the shark was vegetarian. 

When pursued, the centipede detaches one of his legs and throws it at his pursuer. The hunter stops to eat the leg and the centipede runs away to hide. Unfortunately, most of them get killed when they return to retrieve their lost shoes.

The cat can run up to 10 kilometres an hour. Faster if he is hit by a car and is stuck on the front grill. 

The mole usually lives underground and it can smell in stereo. In an elevator it can pin-point accurately where the bad smell comes from and say, "You did it!" 

Breaking wind in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

And finally, according to recent research 13% of babies are conceived in an IKEA bed. This is amazing especially since those shops are normally well lit.