The weather forecast woman on TV said it's been the hottest day "since records began".
This set me thinking ... when did records begin?
Apparently a long long time ago a man wrote down on a piece of paper, "Phew ... it's hot today. Records have begun."
The next day, he wrote on another piece of paper "Wowie and double phew ... it's been even hotter today. It's been the hottest day since records began yesterday."
This went on for some time with the man writing every day how hot, cool or cold it was.
Then, years later, another man called Thermo, invented the thermometer. It was a small tube filled with coloured spirit and with markings on the side. He could therefore measure how hot or cool it was by reading how far the liquid expanded in the tube.
He reasoned that if he put the thermometer in his mouth for a few minutes he could tell how warm or hot it was outside, or inside a house for that matter. Unfortunately, after a few days of such measurements he realised the temperature he was measuring was somewhat similar every day; regardless of whether it was sunny and hot, or cloudy and cool outside.
His wife scoffed at his invention and suggested he might as well stick his thermometer somewhere else. He tried that for a few days but the readings were still similar to the ones he took before; regardless of the weather outside. He therefore reasoned, quite rightly as it happens, that there was some connecting channel between his mouth and the other place.
He threw the thermometer aside and gave up on the whole idea.
His wife, however, whilst doing the cleaning everyday, noticed that the coloured spirit in the tube moved to different locations depending on how hot, cool or cold it was.
And that's how weather measurements began. As often happens, it was a man's idea improved by a woman. Which also explains why the weather forecast on TV is always more interesting when it's a lady presenter rather than a man.
Today the lady presenter, who's quite hot by the way, said that it's been so hot in the UK that the rails on the railways have buckled and it is dangerous for the trains to run on them. She asked an expert why this happens in the UK and not other countries like Australia for instance where it is more hot.
Apparently, in Australia people have barbecues on the beach where it is cooler and not near railway lines where the heat from the barbecue adds to the already hot weather and can buckle the rails. So it is partly our problem in the UK where people have barbecues in their gardens in towns and cities and add to the overall heat which buckles railway lines.
The lady presenter then asked the expert whether it is advisable to divest in this heat and lie on the beach almost naked or whether people should cover up instead to protect themselves from the sun.
He replied that this depends on the individual. Some ladies are very pretty and look really nice in a skimpy bikini or less. After all, the old masterpiece artists always painted beautiful nudes and not overfed overweight fat men that look like a tub of lard wobbling as they move. Who wants to look at that? He asked.
I switched off the TV and drove to the beach.
