More Scientific Facts

We all have DNA in us. Apparently it is a spring like thing that goes round and round like a slide and helps us bounce when we are healthy and happy.

In Australia people have their DNA go round in the opposite direction to people in the Northern hemisphere. Also, over there it is spelled AND.

Laughter is part of our DNA or AND. Laughter is a build up of pressure deep within us somewhere near the stomach. Then it goes up the asparagus and comes out as a loud noise from a hole in our head. From anywhere else and you're in deep trouble.

This is a little well un-known fact which you did not know. This is why it is an un-known fact. Here are other un-known facts which you should know so that they may become known facts.

For example; did you know that the majority of men with beards (about 68%) sleep with their beards tucked under the bed covers rather than over the bed covers?

And that beards grow faster and longer than hair on men's heads?

Did you know that you should not sleep with your head under the pillow otherwise the tooth fairy will take all your teeth away?

Human ears grow bigger in proportion to the rest of our bodies as we grow older? I knew an old man once with very large ears sticking out quite a bit. He looked like a car with its doors open. When he was outdoors, at the slightest gust of wind he would pirouette round like a hotel revolving door.

Did you know that if you had a meal in a restaurant that is totally dark you would not be able to tell the difference between steak and a beefburger?

Did you also know that if you're in a vacuum and you shout loud no one would hear you? And it would make no difference whether the vacuum cleaner is switched on or off, or whether the bag is full of dirt and dust or whether it is empty?

Do you realise that if you had a small bird in a cage, and as you happen to weigh the cage, if the bird jumped up from its perch then its weight would not register on the scale? Also, if you were to weigh the cage under water the small bird would drown?

Did you know that crickets chirp less at night as it gets colder? In a warm night they would chirp about twenty times a minute. In a slightly colder night they would probably chirp ten or less times a minute. Whereas in cold temperatures they do not chirp at all because they are frozen out of their tiny minds.

Do you realise that there are viruses everywhere and they spread diseases; for example when we sneeze or even when we shake hands. Scientists recommend that we wash our hands before we shake hands with someone and also after we shake hands with them. This way we do not pass on our viruses or even get viruses from them. It is suggested you carry small disinfectant sprays or paper handkerchiefs for this purpose.

Did you know that most viruses are spread from people who go to the bathroom and do not wash their hands afterwards. You go to the bathroom and wash your hands, then you touch the door handle to get out and ... hey presto ... you have the viruses from the previous person who did not bother to wash his hands.

In fact, there are more viruses on door handles ... any door handles ... than there are on peoples' hands.

It is recommended that people no longer shake hands but shake door handles. Ideally, everyone should carry a door handle in their pocket and when they meet someone new they take out their door handle and gently shake it with the other person's door handle. That way no viruses would get on your or their hands.

This advice is sponsored by a well known local door handle manufacturer.

So there you have it. Tuck your beard under the bed covers, carry a door handle in your vacuum cleaner and mind your own DNA.

Marvellous Facts You'll Need to Know!

Did you know that Absolute Zero is the lowest possible temperature you can ever get to? You just cannot get any lower than Absolute Zero.

It is in fact -273.15° on the Celsius scale and −459.67° on the Fahrenheit scale. It is over 100 kilos on the bathroom scale if you have been over-eating lately.

At Absolute Zero nothing really happens. The buses will not run so it is pointless waiting for them at the bus stop. And don’t even be tempted to lick the bus stop sign whilst you're there because there may be all sort of germs on it.

Absolute Zero is also what most men get from their wives when they've said something that upsets them.

Another interesting fact regarding temperature involves crickets. You know, those little creatures who chirp incessantly throughout the night in summer.

Well, apparently the number of chirps they make per minute varies depending on the weather. The hotter it is the more chirps per minute; as many as forty or so chirps a minute in really hot steamy nights. But as the weather gets a little cooler the number of chirps a minute is less.

At a temperature of Absolute Zero degrees the insect does not chirp at all because he is frozen solid out in the cold.

 
Moving up from Absolute Zero, the highest temperature that has ever been recorded is on a ladder 35 feet tall. It was when an amorous young knight in Olde England attempted to deliver a plate of spaghetti to his paramour who was trapped in a tower because the door was frozen solid and he couldn't turn the key in the lock.

Which reminds me … I once saw a ghost with an eye-patch! He said he was going through the keyhole when someone put the key in.

Hot temperatures can be very hazardous to health, especially in the kitchen whilst cooking. Most accidents in the home happen in the kitchen. Scientists believe this would not be the case if people cooked their meals in the bedroom instead. But unfortunately people rarely follow scientific instructions.

The instructions on the packet of quick cook rice said “Take sachet out of packet and stand in boiling water for 10 minutes”. I did that and burnt my feet.

I also read in my Cooking Instruction Manual that to avoid tears whilst peeling and cutting onions you should do it under water. It works, but you have to come up for air every few seconds.

An elaborate meal is a bird within a bird within a bird. Basically you stuff and cook a small bird in a bigger one, say a baby partridge inside a chicken, and the chicken inside a large goose. Do not use a grouse for this because people with a grouse are not very cheerful.

To prepare a bird within a bird is very easy. Basically you have the chicken swallow the baby partridge and then the goose swallows the chicken. Whenever the goose opens its mouth the chicken’s head comes out and says “Cockledeedledoo !!!” and as it does so the partridge looks out of the chicken’s mouth and smiles. And swallows fly all over your kitchen.

I think I'll have another whisky now ...

More Scientific Facts

Did you know that Absolute Zero is the lowest possible temperature you can ever get to? You just cannot get any lower than Absolute Zero.

It is in fact -273.15° on the Celsius scale and −459.67° on the Fahrenheit scale. It is over 100 kilos on the bathroom scale if you have been over-eating lately.

At Absolute Zero nothing really happens. The buses will not run so it is pointless waiting for them at the bus stop. And don’t even be tempted to lick the bus stop sign whilst you're there because there may be all sort of germs on it.

Absolute Zero is also what most men get from their wives when they've said something that upsets them.

Moving up from Absolute Zero, the highest temperature that has ever been recorded is on a ladder 35 feet tall. It was when an amorous young knight in Olde England attempted to deliver a plate of spaghetti to his paramour who was trapped in a tower because the door was frozen solid and he couldn't turn the key in the lock.

Which reminds me … I once saw a ghost with an eye-patch! He said he was going through the keyhole when someone put the key in.

Hot temperatures can be very hazardous to health, especially in the kitchen whilst cooking. Most accidents in the home happen in the kitchen. Scientists believe this would not be the case if people cooked their meals in the bedroom instead. But unfortunately people rarely follow scientific instructions.

The instructions on the packet of quick cook rice said “Take sachet out of packet and stand in boiling water for 10 minutes”. I did that and burnt my feet.

I also read in my Cooking Instruction Manual that to avoid tears whilst peeling and cutting onions you should do it under water. It works, but you have to come up for air every few seconds.

An elaborate meal is a bird within a bird within a bird. Basically you stuff and cook a small bird in a bigger one, say a baby partridge inside a chicken, and the chicken inside a large goose. Do not use a grouse for this because people with a grouse are not very cheerful.

To prepare a bird within a bird is very easy. Basically you have the chicken swallow the baby partridge and then the goose swallows the chicken. Whenever the goose opens its mouth the chicken’s head comes out and says “Cockledeedledoo !!!” and as it does so the partridge looks out of the chicken’s mouth and smiles. And swallows fly all over your kitchen.

Care for another glass of whisky?