Tattoos

Have you got a tattoo? If so, then tell us what you've got and where on your body.

These days everyone seems to have a tattoo; both men and women. They are all the rage over here. People don't only have them on their arms, hands and fingers, but also on their legs, feet, back, chest and other parts of their body not usually visible in public. Although no doubt visible to the tattooist who must have had to control a steady hand at the time.

There are all sorts of colourful tattoos with various paintings and drawings - real masterpieces some of them costing a fortune no doubt.

And also, I've noticed a trend to have words tattooed on one's body in a foreign language.

A woman I know has some foreign words tattooed clearly on her backside. She told me it was a beautiful love message in some ancient language or other. She saw the sample tattoo at the parlour's window and she liked it, so she entered the shop, took off her underwear, no doubt  giving the tattooist quite an eye-full, and got him to tattoo the inscription amongst other drawings on her bottom.

Now I know what you're thinking.

How did I get to see this tattoo? Well, I was at the premiere performance when the tattoo was shown to a group of relatives, friends, neighbours, passers-by and anyone with an entrance ticket!

By the way, why do people have tattoos in very private places? What is the point of spending a fortune on a tattoo if the general public cannot see it; that's what I say?

Which leads to another question. Do tattooed people go to nudist camps? It must be embarrassing if they do because everyone would be looking at their private business. Or do tattooed people go to tattooed peoples' nudist camps?

But I digress.

I took this woman to a professor I know and showed him her bottom, so to speak. There were no end of volunteers helping him translate the foreign words tattooed there.

Eventually they succeeded. The tattoo said "Washing Machine Instructions."

Obviously the tattooist saw the words on some booklet or other and copied them adding beautiful roses and hearts all around.

I knew a man years ago who had tattoos on the fingers of each hand – just near the knuckles.

On the right hand the tattoos read the letters L – O – V – E.

On the left hand the tattoos were H – A – T.

Apparently he ran out of money to complete the tattoos.

If only … If only we too ran out of money every time we felt Hate towards someone.

Personally, I think we should be more enterprising and creative with tattoos. They should be used for advertising. For example, bald men can have a tattoo printed on their heads of various products and paid weekly by the advertising agency. Here are some examples:

What do you think? Do you know any bald men willing to have their heads (or other visible parts of their bodies) tattooed to earn good money? Women can take part too; although their adverts will have to be somewhere else visible on their bodies.

So tell us, do you have any tattoos? Where are they and what do they depict?

It's only ink ...

 

There's this trend to buy a Christmas present for oneself. It is usually something expensive that probably no one else would buy for you so you buy it for yourself at Christmas, your birthday or whatever.

I don't see anything wrong with that. I often buy myself a few cans of Guinness regardless of what I'm celebrating.

A friend of mine said that for Christmas as a personal present she had a tattoo done in a very private place.

I feigned interest and asked her what it was. A bird perhaps? Or a flower? A heart?

"No ..." she said, "it is an inscription in a foreign language! I don't know what it says but it looks nice."

I thought it was rather odd, or silly, to have an inscription tattooed and you don't know what it means.

"You're good at languages," she said, "perhaps you could translate it for me." And before I could say anything she revealed her shapely body and showed me the inscription.

It took me quite a time to decipher it. I did not know what it said. So I scribbled every bit of the inscription on a piece of paper as accurately as I could. Took me some time in order to be very accurate.

She said she saw the inscription in the tattooist catalogue and liked it. 

I checked with a colleague what the inscription means and it is "Do Not Machine Wash - Dry Clean Only".

Do you think I should tell her? Or should I go back and check the tattoo inscription again in case I got it wrong first time? This time I'll copy it more korrectly ... correctly.

Piercings and Tattoos

 

On yesterday's post, Tom mentioned that he doesn't understand piercings and tattoos. I must admit that I personally do not understand the need for piercings. Maybe someone could explain. However, some tattoos, discreet and not too elaborate, can be OK. These days, however, you see people on TV with their whole chest or arms covered in tattoos. I'm not sure I understand that, although I guess it must be very expensive to do; and painful.

Here in the UK we have a TV program called Naked Attractions where people are chosen for a date based on how they look. Contestants stand totally naked (full frontal) and one person has to choose who to take for a date.

The camera gets close in to personal private areas and often you see tattoos and piercings in the most unexpected parts.

THAT ... I do not understand. Why have a tattoo or piercing there?

What do you think about tattoos and piercings?

Do you have any?

Where?

What's your Tattoo?

Once again, I return to the subject of tattoos.

The last time I mentioned a woman I know who went to the tattoo parlour, dropped her underwear, and had a tattoo in a foreign language printed on her backside. She did not know what it meant. Turns out it said, "Washing Machine Instructions."

Obviously the tattooist saw the words on some booklet or other and copied them adding beautiful roses and hearts all around.

The reason I mention tattoos again is because I saw an unusual one in the supermarket today. It's been hot in the UK recently. So hot that women are wearing very low cut tops and very short skirts, or shorts. But I'm not complaining.

This woman in the supermarket had a large tattoo on her back of the globe. A big multi-coloured circle showing the whole world with all the countries and oceans and seas. I did not run fast enough to find out what she had tattooed on her front. Probably the sun and moon on each breast!

It was a beautiful painting of the globe, I must say. But what I don't understand is; why have such an elaborate work of art on one's back? She can't see it. And if she looks in the mirror it would be back to front and all the countries in the wrong place. So it will not help her in the geography exams.

Years ago tattoos were only fashionable with sailors, or military people. Now everyone seems to have them. And in all sorts of places too. Not just the arms, but on one's legs, back, chest and even private places.

Have you got a tattoo? What is it of? And where is it?

I've been thinking of having a tattoo but do not know what to choose as a drawing. An anchor? A flower? Some nice words? Or a name of a loved one, like "Pepperoni Pizza"?

What do you suggest?

I don't want it to be easily visible to all and sundry. I want it to be discreet and almost unnoticeable.

Perhaps I should have a tattoo on my bottom. It would be a life-size tattoo of a bottom on my bottom. That would then not be noticeable.

What do you think?

What are your views and suggestions about tattoos? And whether you have any?

Tattoos.

This man had tattoos on the fingers of each hand – just near the knuckles.

On the right hand the tattoos read the letters L – O – V – E.

On the left hand the tattoos were H – A – T.

Apparently he ran out of money to complete the tattoos.

If only …

If only we too ran out of money every time we felt Hate towards someone.