I am convinced that global warming is caused by candles. Forget all this nonsense they tell you about a hole in the ozone layer, too much pollution, burning fossil fuels and all that. The real cause of global warming is candles.
Just imagine for a moment how many candles are lit throughout the world these days. Let's start with birthday candles on your cake. And every year there's one more. How many birthday cakes are adorned with candles every day burning away and creating heat?
Then there's candles in restaurants to create a romantic atmosphere. Or candles at home at the dinner table. Or candles in church and in open air concerts when the main singer bellows a favourite song. Or candles in the bathroom too. I tell you. Who needs candles in the bathroom, and why? There's a danger of singeing one's hair for a start! And it isn't just one candle ... but many placed around the bath. What's all that about? I'd be really afraid of burning my flotilla of sailing ships!
But I tell what are the worst offenders. Scented candles.
It is now an industry in its own right with people paying a fortune for these items. Over here you can buy one scented candles for over £100 ($137). And they come in various colours and odours. Lavender, camomile, cinnamon, Christmassy smells, rose, strawberries, orange blossoms and so on.
I mean ... what is the point? Why sit in a bath of warm soapy water already smelling of pine, or whatever other relaxing smell the soap bubbles contain, and then surround yourself with scented candles? Do all the candles in the bathroom have the same scent I wonder? Or do you have a mix of candles sending your olfactory senses into traumatic shock?
I tell you what scented candles I would like. Pizza smelling candles. That way, I would have a great appetite as soon as I leave the bath.
Or bacon scented candles. As well as making me hungry they would remind me what Miss Piggy would smell like if she caught fire. Aaaah ... roast pork. Or even roast chicken or beef scented candles.
Come on you candle manufacturers. Get a grip and wake up. That's what the world needs now. Not love sweet love, but garlic scented candles. Or fried onions ones.
There are just so many smells that can be capitalised on if only people had the right imagination. Coffee scented candles. KFC scented ones. Wet dog smell scented candles. The possibilities are endless.
Forget global warming. Light a candle and brighten the world.
You do not have to blow someone else's candle for your light to shine.
What is your favourite scent?
