Innovative Ideas

 

Every so often I like to scour the Internet in search of new ideas and innovations which I can share with you, my dear readers, to make your life better.

Today, I would like to introduce you to a gadget not often used by modern society, yet it is the greatest invention ever made.

Drum roll ... ... ... 

THE SPOON REST 

No kitchen should be without it. Imagine you are busily cooking and stirring from one pot to another and you want to place your spoon somewhere. You can't put it on the table, it will leave sauce or food all over the place. You can't throw it in the sink and pick up another spoon. It will add to the washing up afterwards. What do you do?

You use the spoon rest. No chef should be without one; or more than one. A spoon rest for every spoon you use in the kitchen whilst cooking.

Do you know that before spoon rests were invented people used to put their spoons behind their ears like a pencil. Hardly hygienic is it? Or they used to put the spoon in their top jacket pocket. Imagine the mess on their best woollen or Burberry suits.

The answer to that everlasting culinary dilemma is to have a spoon rest at hand. Or more than one.   

They come in various colours and materials - porcelain, steel, wood, plastic and even gold-plated silver.

No self-respecting chef or cook should be without one. 

Buy a spoon rest now and may your spoons rest in peace.

Innovative Business Ideas

 

OK folks, put your thinking caps on because I need your help in new business ventures that could make you, and me, a lot of money.

You may remember that 5 years ago I invited you to invest in a successful business venture. Some of you did, and made a pretty penny.

Well, the opportunity has arisen again for you to invest and accumulate. A business consortium has hired me to participate and judge business proposals and plans put to them for adjudication and investments. So far, we have the following proposals.

DRIVING DONKEY DERBY This idea is to set up a school which will teach donkeys to drive. It's not what you think. We don't have donkeys sitting in the driver's seat and using the steering wheel; albeit they would no doubt drive better than some people on the road these days. In this plan the donkey remains upright in a comfortable box/cage suitable for his size and he uses his two front legs to step on two pedals - drive and brake - and the car moves automatically. To steer the vehicle he pushes with his nose on two buttons denoting left and right. Donkeys could be used in agriculture to drive various farm vehicles or in industry to drive lifting equipment like fork lift trucks and cranes.

TOENAIL MUSEUM This proposal is to set up a celebrities toenail museum in London with outlets in other British cities like Birmingham, Manchester, Edinburgh and Cardiff; as well as in other countries. The intention is that celebrities like famous singers, comedians, sports personalities, or politicians would donate their toenails cuttings to the museum and they will be displayed tastefully in glass containers with an inscription about the donors. This will bring fans closer to their idols without having to travel long distances or fight the crowds and security people to get near them. Donors would donate several samples of their produce to be placed in more museums as the chain of outlets grows and increases throughout the UK, Europe and the world.

HAPPY HOME FOR DISTRESSED WEASELS Weasels are small mammals about 6 inches long with slender bodies to enable them to follow their prey into burrows. They feed on small mammals and have from time to time been considered vermin because some species took poultry from farms or rabbits from commercial warrens. They do, on the other hand, eat large numbers of rodents. Basically, they are an important element in the natural food chain but have over the years got a bad press because of the odd chicken or rabbit that ended up in their hot pot with tasty vegetables. Because of this, many of these lovely creatures end up desolate, distressed, disillusioned, disheartened, disappointed, disenchanted and dissatisfied with life. Some are even disgusted at this cheap attempt at seeking sympathy by such a display of alliteration. The Happy Home For Distressed Weasels aims to provide them with a retirement place where they can enjoy their remaining years in contentment and joy watching soap programmes on TV.

INVITATION If any of our readers wish to invest in any of these business ventures, or have a business idea of your own you wish to put forwards please contact me at the "CONTACT US" button at the top right or in the comments box below. Let's show the world that innovation is still alive and kicking and can beat AI any time of the day or night ... or evening ... afternoon ... dawn ... twilight ... dusk ... sunset ... sundown ...

Ideas to improve the world

 

I often spend time thinking of ways to improve our lives as individuals and a society. For the benefit of all, here are some ideas I came up with:

1    Socks should be sold in threes and not as a pair. This would increase your chance of picking up two the same colour when searching your drawer. I wrote to three sock manufacturers, in triplicate, suggesting that this would increase their sales by 50% - all three ignored me. Three times.

2    Consequent and supplementary to the above idea, I think trousers should be made with three legs also. When one leg wears off and is damaged by a hole, you just tuck it into your pants and pull out the third leg and wear that instead. Same for shirts, pullovers and such like.

3    We should wear more wool. All hats should be made of wool. This way it would be easier to pull the wool over peoples' eyes. And easier to tell a wolf in sheep's clothing. Have you ever seen a wolf wearing a woollen hat or scarf? 

4    Tattoos should be made with invisible ink so no one could see them. Or with florescent ink so you could see them in the dark. Can you imagine having whole-body tattoos in florescent ink and standing there naked in the dark? All you'll see is the wonderful designs. Alternate between switching the lights on and off and you'll have a great trick to perform at your next party. That will certainly get your friends talking. You'd be the life and soul of the party. 

5    Aerosols and body sprays should smell of garlic, fried onions or other foods. This would not only be original but would also enhance the appetite when going out on a date. There's nothing more aromatic than going out to a restaurant with a beautiful lady smelling of herring or pickled onions in vinegar.

6   More people should be encouraged to wear hairnets. It was quite the rage years ago. Now ... not many people do wear them. I remember years ago having a girl-friend who disliked hairnets and never wore them. I had an open-top sports car then and as I drove fast her hair used to blow in the wind. I had to stop often and pick it up and return it to her. A hairnet would have solved the problem but she was very stubborn. Eventually we broke up and she became a solo synchronised swimming performer.

7   Another idea of mine that would improve the world is political in nature. These days at elections a lot of money is spent on campaigns and politicians come on TV and radio and discuss their views politely and with mutual respect even if they don't agree. It was not so in my days in politics. In my days things were different.

When I was involved in politics years ago, in an open debate with a live audience in a packed hall, the other politician accused me of lacking vision because I wore socks of different colour.

I explained that I was open-minded. He replied, “There’s no point in being so open-minded that your brains fall out!”

At a radio interview during the election campaign I was asked by a caller what I wanted for Christmas. I said “A pair of slippers”. The following day the newspapers said, “Victor wants a pair of slippers whilst his opponent wants to improve life for the community of this town”.

Needless to say I didn’t win the election. Even my Electoral Agent refused to vote for me.

The thing I hated in politics is calling on houses to deliver leaflets or to introduce myself as a candidate and ask whether they'd vote for me. One has to keep a cool head, look and be interested in the individual you're talking to, and above all, be honest - not tell fibs like some politicians do.

I knocked at a door and a young lady opened it and she was completely naked. I kept a cool head and looked interested in her. She stood there totally nude smiling as she said, "What can I do for you?"

I was honest ... I said, "I forgot!" and ran away.

Anyway, my political idea does away with such potential embarrassments and having to run long campaigns. I think the candidates should come on TV and play rock paper scissors. You can have as many candidates as you wish and eliminate them until the last one wins and is elected. No  need for policies, promises, and wasting everyone's time with debates and TV and radio appearances.

I wrote to the political parties over here with my suggestion and they ignored me. I am not appreciated I think.

So there you have it; seven ideas to improve our lives and our world. What do you think? Tell us of your ideas also.