The F***ing Ghost

As part of my job I had to visit a remote castle on an island far North in Scotland. The castle was part of ancient defence fortifications just by the sea.

By early afternoon, we received a phone call to say that the ferry taking us to the mainland would not run that evening because of bad weather at sea and because they were expecting a storm that evening.

There was no option but to spend the night in the castle. It had been used in the past to house soldiers and there were a number of rooms ready prepared for such eventualities.

After we had supper that evening we were led to our rooms for the night. Mine was somewhere up the tower and from the window you could see the sea for miles and miles.

The sky was dark with heavy clouds and already strong winds were blowing about the castle and rain started tapping at my window.

There was no TV or radio, so I decided to read over some financial reports I had brought with me and go over the notes I had made of the meeting we had earlier in the day.

As I was concentrating, despite the noise of the wind and rain outside, I heard clearly inside the room a ripping sound. As if someone had ripped the bed sheets, or some curtain.

I was startled and jumped out of my chair. I had not imagined it. There was definitely a loud ripping sound inside my room.

The electric light flickered once or twice but remained lit. Obviously a bad connection somewhere; made worse by the wind whistling through badly fitting windows, or cracks in the walls. Whatever it was, it was not enough for me to rush out of the room; albeit I was more than a little scared.

I sat at my desk and looked around the room for I don't know what.

Then it happened again "Prrrrrrt ... Prrrrrrrt." Twice the ripping sound reverberated throughout the room.

They were followed by the most obnoxious smell you could imagine. Even worse than what you are imagining right now.

It was so bad that I wanted to vomit. I put my hand on my mouth and nose. Both to stop me vomiting and breathing. Then slowly I took small breaths through my mouth.

A few minutes later, the smell had gone. Dissipated by the continuous draught blowing throughout the room.

Nothing else happened that night. No more ripping sounds or bad smells.

The next morning at breakfast I tentatively asked my hosts if there had ever been any reports of sounds or smells in the castle.

"Oh ... the Farting Ghost must have visited your room," they laughed, "we've had reports of him every now and then. Nothing to worry about really!"