Weird World

 

It's really a very weird world out there. So many things happening that you don't know what to believe any more.

I parked my car in a public car park the other day. I wasn't going anywhere. Just sitting in the car waiting for someone who'd gone shopping. I switched on the radio to pass the time.

A man in a bicycle came by and stood outside by the driver's side. He started talking to me. I could not hear him so I opened the car window ever so slightly. No more than half-an-inch. He said he'd sold his car and bought a bicycle. But he prefers having a car. Would I want to sell him my BMW?

For once, I was at a loss for words. I did not have my Thesaurus with me. Did he really expect me to sell my car? I just said "No" and shut the window. He walked away.

Another weird thing. I read somewhere that if you're walking alone at night, in order to deter any would-be attacker, you should pretend to call your dog in a loud voice. Choose a macho sounding name for a dog, so that the assailant might think twice before attacking you.

I was going home on foot at night one day so I started calling-out "Crusher! Crusher!" every few moments. I thought that was macho enough and gave the impression of a fierce dog which would crush you with his powerful jaws.

A minute or so later I was approached by this huge man. So big that he had muscles on top of his muscles. He blocked my way and said, "Yeah? You been calling me? Whaddya want?"

Trust me to attract a mugger by calling out his name! I mumbled, "I am calling my dog!" He laughed and said, "you've been reading that stupid magazine, haven't you?" and he walked away laughing.

Talking of names; it's such a skill to think of a good name for your dog, cat, or a shop or restaurant or such like. A Dutch friend called Luuk has opened a shop in town where he sells all kinds and colours and shades of lipsticks. He called the shop "Two Lips From Amsterdam".

Did you know that in pre-historic times, in the stone age, people used to play stones? Yes, they beat different kinds and shapes of stones with sticks to make different sounds. They invented Rock Music. Their favourite genre was the Rolling Stones. They used stalactites of various sizes to get different notes.

It is believed that Stonehenge the prehistoric monument on Salisbury Plain in England was a big piano! Musicians used to run round the big stones arranged in a circle and hit them with hammers to make music.

Concerts were often held there for the workers of the nearby plastic mines. One day a large stone fell on one of the workers and all they had left of him was A Flat Minor. They had a Major Triad and decided no longer to hold concerts there because they did not like the tenor of the crowds shouts of anger. The musical conductor at the time, Barry Tone, resigned his job and never conducted again.

Do you know that when a doctor hits you with a little hammer on the knee, and you involuntarily move your leg, he can learn a lot of information from that? It is known as a knee-jerk reaction; and the doctor can tell whether the patient is alive or dead.

A local doctor over here has invented a new musical instrument. He has twelve people sitting side-by-side on high chairs and he has attached bells to their toes. He then hits their knees with two little hammers to play a tune as they knee-jerk. He is good at playing "Jingle Bells" which he hopes to perfect by Christmas.