Wednesday 8 September 2021

Zoo Time

 

Welcome to Zoo Time your favourite TV Program where we visit our friends the animals living freely in large enclosures just as they would enjoy in their native lands. 

I am Noah Flood and I am usually accompanied by my friend and co-presenter Anna Conda. Unfortunately Anna is not with us this week having suffered unspeakable pains when she sat on a termites nest in last week's episode. 

Also, I have to let you know that my assistant Ivor Scratch is also absent this week. Ivor has always wanted to be a lion whisperer. He read many books about it; and I have to report that it is a wish he almost achieved minutes before being rushed to hospital with multiple injuries sustained in pursuit of his ambition.

So let's start by visiting the ostrich enclosure.

The ostrich is the largest flight-less bird with large eyes on either side of its head, as you can see if we get a little closer. 

AAAAAOOOOOWWW!!!

The damn bird has pecked my ear-piece out of my ear ... Have you got it John? No ... what ... the bird swallowed it. Can you speak on your mike please John ... I can hear you from the bird's stomach ... look ... we can't keep filming here. I hear an echo of my own voice whenever I speak on the mike ... I hear myself from the bird's innards!

We have now moved to the rhino's enclosure ...

Did you know that the rhino's horn is not made of bone like you would expect. It is actually made of  keratinous mineralized compartments ... like tightly held together hairs. Rhinos are thick skinned and mainly herbivorous. Their favourite pass-time in the wild is charging at Jeeps and similar cars and head-butting them hard.

And now we visit our friend the bear. There are many kinds of bears ... the brown bear, the polar bear, the grizzly bear, the koala bear and many others ... not forgetting the panda. The panda is the most peculiar of bears. He used to be a carnivore; that is he ate meat. Then over time he became a herbivore eating mainly bamboo which he consumes most of the time. For some reason, it seems this diet has put him off sex to such an extent that he is now an endangered species. Let that be a lesson to any of you vegetarians out there!

We cannot show you the panda on today's program because both creatures are in that dark room over there watching adult-rated films with a view to encouraging them to become more amourous. Fat chance of that ... whenever I watch such films my wife starts vacuum cleaning the house!

What can I tell you about the llama? He is a domesticated South American animal which ... **** ... the stupid ******* animal has spat in my eye! It's disgusting ... hand me a towel John ... damn stupid animal ... if I had my way we'd be having him as a barbecue by now!

Sometimes known as the ship of the desert the camel can go for long periods without water. Did you know that there are in fact three species of camels? The camel with one hump is known as a Dromadery, whereas the one with two humps, like the one we have here, is known as a Bactrian camel. There is, however, a rare camel with three humps. Do you know what it's called?

Humphrey !!!

Aaah ... now we have here one of my favourite creatures. The chicken. Did you know that there are more chickens in the world than there are humans? Yes ... far more that 7 billion chickens in the world. At least two or three chickens for each one of us. There are of course many species of chickens. My favourite one is the Kentucky Fried Chicken which this one here will soon be ... I hope!

Next, I wanted to take you inside the dolphins enclosure. Unfortunately this is not possible today because there was a breakout yesterday when the dolphins managed to escape led by a whale called Willy.

As a cheaper alternative, you can buy tins of sardines from the gift shop on the way out!

23 comments:

  1. I love all the big cats, but being a Leo, the lion is my favourite. Koalas are not bears and I'm not sure about Pandas. I'm wondering how the chicken population stays so high when people keep eating the KFC type and eggs too.

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    1. I guess chickens breed quickly. It takes about 21 days for an egg to hatch and produce a new chick - that is if the egg has not been boiled beforehand!

      God bless, River.

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  2. ...the entire world is becoming a zoo.

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  3. Oh, I love that bear! All bears, actually. Look, I'm about to channel Rex Harrison's "Talk to the Animals."

    PS - Pardon if I've asked before, have you ever read Emory's Gift? A splendid read with a sweet spiritual finale.

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    1. Yes ... I believe years ago I may have read it. I'll look it up again, hopefully I still have the book.

      Do you remember the TV Series: The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams? I loved that show.

      I took that photo of the bear at an open-air zoo. What separated us was just a wall - his enclosure was lower to stop him climbing up. I called him and as he turned I took the photo.

      God bless, Mevely.

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  4. Dearest Victor,
    We got the black bear here, they are the smallest of the three; black, brown and grizzly.
    Animals are far better off when being in the wild, they look happier too.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    1. Some of the zoos over here have such large enclosures that the animals are really "in the wild". In a zoo I know, the enclosures are so big you have to drive through and not get out of the car. Vehicles drive slowly in single file overseen by the park rangers in case of difficulties.

      God bless, Mariette.

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    2. That sounds like a wise substitute for all!

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  5. Thanks for the education, I am not sure I needed this much though. However thanks for the hint taken from the Panda about vegetarianism and sex.
    Enjoyed the visit.
    Sherry & jack
    PS: About this Vacuum thing....... LOL Love from this side.

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    1. I don't know why pandas changed diet from being carnivorous to just eating bamboo mainly. Not sure whether this has affected their mating habits though.

      Glad to see you visiting me again, Jack and Sherry. Thanx and God bless.

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  6. I enjoyed this unique tour of the zoo, Victor. Only you could make it so funny and interesting. And I'm glad I'm not a vegetarian - lol!
    Blessings!

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    1. Yes I'm glad I'm not a vegetarian too. I like KFC as well as roast beef, and lamb, and pork and ...

      God bless you, Martha.

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  7. Thanks for the post and I did enjoy the photographs you've used.

    Happy midweek wishes.

    All the best Jan

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  8. Nice seeing the animals in the zoo through your eyes. :)

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  9. Humphrey? You should be ashamed...still...funny.

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    1. It made me laugh anyway. I guess my humour is sometimes silly.

      God bless you and yours, JoeH.

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  10. Oh, my! I must visit the zoo you visit. You did a wonderfully creative way to portray the animals. Thank you for a fun read. God bless you, Victor.

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    1. I'm so pleased you enjoyed our visit to the zoo, Nells. It was a fun day!

      God bless you.

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