Easy job for someone so clever like me. I bought a couple of bags of cement and sand and started mixing. The thing is, I did not know the exact proportions of cement, sand and water. I guessed and the first load I mixed looked too dark and heavy to lift with the shovel. I added more sand. It became more yellowish. I added water. Perhaps too much. Now I had a yellowish soup. More cement. Then a bit more sand. It got drier and drier as I mixed. More water. Too much again.
I was getting tired and fed up with the whole project. Perhaps it would be easier to move house.
I went indoors and searched the phone directory. There was this firm which would deliver pre-mixed quick setting concrete to your door. No mixing and working hard yourself. I asked them to come round.
At this point I was called by my boss and I had to go to work to sort a problem. I gave my wife precise, easy to follow, cannot go wrong, instructions. When the cement people come round, they should put it in this one meter by one meter, three inches deep hole.
Apparently they turned up with one of those big trucks with a huge revolving drum on the back with ready-made quick setting concrete. She pointed to the place and asked them to leave the cement there. They asked, "Are you sure?" She said, "Yes" and went indoors.
Apparently the minimum delivery is one metric tonne. Whatever that is.
When I got home I found a mini concrete mountain in the place where the tree was. It was quick setting cement which means that the mountain was already set and as hard as a rock ready for Moses to climb on and despair.
There's no way it can be moved or broken down into small pieces without a big sledge-hammer or pneumatic drill. It is as high as two people standing on each other. A big, huge, massive, immense mountain on my front lawn.
You should see how much the cement people are charging me for this. I think with all that quick-setting concrete they are hardened criminals.
...too many of us are all mixed up and set in our ways!
ReplyDeleteThat is so true, Tom. Great observation.
DeleteGod bless always.
HaHa! Brilliant! Though l did have to
ReplyDeleteGoogle..meter..l do feet and inches,
so l had to convert said measurements!
So..One meter is...3:28084 feet..
Boris has already stated..as were OUT of
Europe now..(Hoooray)..we should go back
to feet and inches, pounds and ounces and
so on...! :).
Your fault really Victor..Dare l say it..
Why give the wife a precise, easy to follow,
cannot go wrong, instructions...without a
drawing..Tut! Tut! Tut! Naughty! :(. HeHe!
Late on parade to~day Victor..Have you a note
from yer Mum..? HeHe! Bless! :O).
💛 🌱 🌸 🌱 💜 🌱 🌸 🌱 💜 🌱 🌸 🌱 💜
The reason I am late posting today is because I am trying to figure out how to get rid of the cement mountain on my doorstep.
DeleteGod bless, Willie.
Mix bleach with water and then add
ReplyDeletedishwashing detergent to the mix and
put it into a spray bottle...
Mind you..you'll need a lot of it..!
Therefore, as hardening of cement includes
a change in its physical state and it's
chemical properties, it cannot be reversed back...
https://www.budgetdumpster.com/blog/how-to-break-up-concrete/
Dearest Victor,
ReplyDeleteMy Lord, you got two strikes against you in this, your mathematics and doing all this with left hands is rather tough!
But it made a nice story...
Hugs,
Mariette
Yes, my mathematics may have been a bit wrong. I did not know how much one metric tonne of cement was. Or did they say ten metric tonnes? Either way, it was a lot of concrete.
DeleteGod bless, Mariette.
😜
DeleteSounds like a total nightmare. Just step away slowly and move onward from the mess. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm the only one in our street with a mountain in the front garden.
DeleteGod bless, Bill.
Oh my goodness! Between your and Jack's challenges, would it not be easier to roll out artificial turf?
ReplyDeleteFollow me for more landscaping tips. LOL!
On reflection, artificial turf would have been a better alternative. I just wanted to prove that I was clever at handiwork. Like when I laid a new carpet in our bedroom. I measured it as six inches wide and three miles long. Must have been something wrong with the electronic tape measure.
DeleteGod bless, Mevely.
What a mess! If a tree died in my backyard, I would plant another tree 🌳 ... I will not buy pre-mixed quick setting concrete 😀
ReplyDeleteYes, I should have planted another tree there. I thought plant pots would look nice on a concrete platform.
DeleteGod bless, Giorgio.
Actually, in a backyard plants pots would look better than a tree.
DeleteAll the best!
I agree.
DeleteGod bless, Giorgio.
"I don't believe it!" It sounds like a thing that would happen to Victor Meldrew. What a mess.
ReplyDeleteOriginally, I wanted to put a statue of a tree there made of concrete or stone; but no one makes statues of trees. So I decided to concrete the area instead. Now the Local Authorities want to use the cement mountain to teach people mountaineering skills.
DeleteGod bless, Liz.
Good idea, rent it out for rock climbing experiences.
DeleteRead the directions. I tell that to my husband whenever we have a project.
ReplyDeleteI think the tree would have been a better bet.
What directions? At the end of the road it says "Do Not Turn Left". On my milk cartons it says "Keep In Fridge". What has that to do with me mixing cement? There are no directions on the cement or sand bags.
DeleteGod bless, Susan.
Bags of pre-mix concrete have instructions. You should have bought one of them.
DeleteI did not know such a thing existed.
DeleteGod bless, River.
You should first thank your wife. I am sure the spot was at least 3" deep. Now paint it green and thank your wife again for the new shrubs...
ReplyDeleteWell, it is a thought....
Sherry & jack will stay on this side until the storm is gone.
Right now my main objective is removing the mountain on my lawn. Then, as you say, I could paint it green or put some turf on the spot where the tree was.
DeleteTake care and keep safe from the storm. God bless, Jack and Sherry.
Maybe you should have just filled the hole in with dirt.
ReplyDeleteWe have dealt with concrete quite a few times!! Mixing it ourselves and getting it delivered.
I think you're right, Happyone. Leave the hole with its original dirt.
DeleteGod bless.
Oh dear Victor! Did you know that you can buy quick-set premix concrete by the bagful? Just add water, (the amount is on the bag) and pour into the hole of whatever mould you might be using, then let it dry.
ReplyDeleteWhat? I did not know that. Already mixed combination of sand and cement. What a brilliant idea. Thanx River.
DeleteGod bless.
Well, I'll bet this little incident will stay cemented in your mind for quite some time, Victor. :)
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
When I have the concrete mountain removed I'll sing to it "you were always on my mind ... you were always on my mind!"
DeleteGod bless, Martha.
Oh, my! It pays to ask questions before purchasing concrete. Who knew you would end up with a tall blob of cement in your front yard. Yep, I agree hardened criminals. God less.
ReplyDeleteThe concrete people charged me for a whole lorry load of cement because they said that was the minimum amount they would deliver; and anyway, my wife accepted the delivery.
DeleteGod bless, Nells.
It sounds like one hard problem to solve.
ReplyDeleteI'm between a rock and a hard place.
DeleteGod bless, Mimi.