No Longer A Magician

 

Years ago I fancied myself as a magician. I used to perform several tricks to amuse family and friends and me ... mostly me. I could make a whole room full of people at a party vanish by starting just one trick.

I was good at levitation too. Click on the word to read about my performance.

I also did card tricks. Click on the words and enjoy.

A favourite trick of mine was called the great escape. We used to bring in a wardrobe, or cupboard on stage. I used to call it an armoire ... it was more sophisticated to call it an armoire. It was old made of hard wood, mahogany or oak ... and very heavy. Two young female attendants used to wheel it in a bikini ... The attendants were in bikinis ... not the cupboard. Are you paying attention?

The attendants brought the armoire in and opened it to show it was solid wood all the way round and it was empty. 

I used to stand into a large sack made of canvas, similar material to jeans. It must have contained grain or similar beforehand; it smelled as if it contained manure. 

Anyway, I used to stand in the sack, the attendants would pull it up over my head and tie it with strong ropes. I then hopped into the cupboard ... sorry ... armoire, and they would lock the door shut. They would then put chains all round the cupboard and get members of the audience to check it was properly locked and chained and escape free. This gave me time to escape whilst in the cupboard.

There was a short period of silence ... only seconds ... the attendants would open the cupboard and it was empty. Everyone would applaud.

Anyway ... I tried to perform this trick once more at mom-in-law's birthday party last week. The party was at her home and she invited family and friends. I made quite a few cakes vanish whilst no one was looking. A few drinks too ...

So I got ready ... the cupboard was brought in and I performed the trick helped by my two uncles. They were not wearing bikinis of course ... only swimming shorts!

I entered the cupboard. I could hear my uncles do their chat patter to waste time ... only I could not get out of the damn cupboard.

I had forgotten that on stage I had a trap door through which I slid and escaped from the cupboard. Of course ... no trap door in my mother-in-law's house.

I think it's her fault the trick failed. I'll never perform this trick again. In fact I think I'm still in that cupboard right now!!!!!!!