Dear Diary ...

 

Dear Diary,

It's been a while since I wrote here to tell you what's been happening lately. So let's get started.

It's summer already. I like summer. A perfect summer's day for me is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing and the lawnmower is broken. 

Our neighbour Sheila didn't come home one night. When Bruce her husband asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house.

Bruce was a bit suspicious so he rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.

 

The following week Bruce himself didn't come home one night. Sheila asks him where he'd been. So Bruce said he got a bit drunk at a mate's place and thought it was safer not to drive but crash out there.

 

Sheila did not believe him and rang his ten best mates. Eight of them said he spent the night there and two claimed he's still there.

 

I heard a good joke about the optician who fell into the lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself.

 

Oh ... another story about our other neighbours. Brenda and Terry were going out for the evening. The last thing they do before leaving is put their cat out.

The taxi arrived to pick them up, and as they walked out of the house, the cat scoots back into the house.

Terry returned inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'

Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrived and climbed back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!'

Our friend Perkins was in church again on Sunday. He'd been missing for a while. The priest said to him, "I didn't see you in church last Sunday, Perkins. I hear you were out playing football instead."

Perkins replied, "That's not true, Father.  And I've got the fish to prove it."

Anyway, nothing more for now. Bye Diary.