Sunday 1 February 2015

Odours and Bad Smells

Dear Friends and Readers Old and New,

I need your help with a little Marketing Research Project which I am engaged with.

Since the dawn of time, and before that even, humanity has been plagued with odours and bad smells. Be they body odours, eating and cooking garlic, frying fish, keeping pets such as dogs in the house, or indeed certain odours resulting from eating too many baked beans. You get the idea.

We've always had bad smells in our vicinity and we've tried to mask them in one way or another. Either by spraying ourselves with perfume and after-shave and other lotions, or spraying our homes with various chemicals, pots-pourri and other plug-ins type of devices to hide the smells which we do not want others to breathe in.

I may have mentioned in the past that I have a good friend who is a bit of a genius at inventing things. If I haven't done so; then let me mention it now.

Well, this friend of mine ... (I'm sure you understand what it means when someone starts a conversation with "a friend of mine").

As I was saying before I interrupted myself. This friend of mine has invented a new way of dealing with odours and bad smells and has asked me to test out opinions amongst my readers and other friends of mine in my wide and varied circle of friends.

Instead of spraying chemicals everywhere to hide bad smells my friend has invented a false moustache inpregnated with good smells like lavender, rose petals, eau de cologne, and so on.

The wearer of the moustache will no longer be afflicted with bad smells emanating from either himself or others in his surroundings. Every breath taken in will be freshened by the sweet smell of lilies of the valley, or fields of lavender or whatever choice the wearer of the moustache prefers.

My friend has also developed a range of culinary smells for those who prefer something different like freshly baked bread, vanilla, cinnamon, citrus fruits, or even roast beef.

What I need to know from my readers is whether you would be interested in buying such a product and which nice smells would you suggest we inpregnate the moustaches with.

The inventor of the product assures me that the moustaches look very realistic and authentic and come in various shades of colour to match the wearer's colour of hair. The moustaches are made of an artificial non-flammable fibre so there's no danger that they would light up suddenly if the wearer smokes a cigarette or cigar. They also come in various styles and length to provide the user with a wide choice of styles.

I would like to learn in particular ... ehm ... my friend the inventor would also like to know in particular whether ladies would be amenable to wearing such a device under their nose to protect them from any bad odours which may offend their olfactory senses.

It is believed that with time, and the backing of famous female celebrities in a planned advertising campaign, this new invention would prove a fashionable and desirable accessory for men and women alike.

So ladies, would you wear a stylish moustache to protect you from offending smells? Your views would be greatly appreciated in the comments box below.


  1. Hi Victor! Your 'friend' might be on to something here, as fake mustache's seem to be all the rage. I would love the one that smells like baking, or citrus smells are nice too.
    I personally would not wear one out of the house. I'm sure I would have helpful neighbors mentioning electrolysis machines and endorsing their favorite razors.
    My husband already sports a mustache. Have you, oh, I mean your 'friend' thought about the possibilities for men like him?

    1. We're developing quite a range of culinary aromas moustaches like baking and citrus, as well as pizzas and bacon, Ceil. We tried garlic bread but it did not prove popular at masking the smell of garlic.

      Ror men with moustaches and beards we have little bottles of concentrated scents and they can dab their moustaches with a few drops every morning.

      I ... we ... have thought of everything with this invention.

      There's nothing wrong with women wearing moustaches out of the house. Once we have the sponsorship of famous female celebrities and stars from Hollywood and elsewhere, these moustaches will become a much sought after fashion accessory. We already have the support of a woman friend of mine who sings at the pub down the road.

      God bless.

    2. I don't know. I already have a mustache. Can I get a discount by just getting the fragrance to sprinkle on my whiskers? ;)

    3. Yes Manny. The frangrance only option is available depending on what scent you choose.

      Alternatively, you may wish to buy a moustache to cover your existing moustache - like I have done.

      God bless.

  2. Beans, beans, beans, the beautiful fruit, the more you eat the more you toot...

    Tell me, did your friend invent something to cover up the noise factor of smells with each mustache sold? :)

    God Bless

    1. No ... no inventions for noise factor. Just a moustache with scent.

      God bless.

  3. As I sit here contemplating your 'friend' and his new invention, my olfactory system is being SORELY tested by a rather foul odor being emitted by my dog who is BADLY in need of a bath. The painful fact that the smell is SO bad has me thinking I might have to put a 'rush' on my order. Either that, or resort to playing cowgirl and run around with a bandana (sprinkled liberally with perfume of course) over a certain protrusion on my face. The latter might not work so well at the bank though in case I forget to remove it when withdrawing some cash:)

    1. Hey ... we have a new customer. Thank you Aimee. Please visit us again for new and outstanding inventions; and plenty of smiles.

      God bless you.



God bless you.