Tuesday, 12 May 2020

Recorded for posteriority

You know, I read the other day that if you drive non-stop for 23 hours and 55 minutes you’ll be 5 minutes from Tulsa!

Anyway … as I was about to tell you before I interrupted myself, what an eventful day today has been.

I started the morning by visiting my doctor.

The poor man was not well and I thought it’s kind to visit the sick.

As soon as I entered the doctor’s surgery he asked me to lie down on the couch. I asked him why and he said: “I want to vacuum clean just where you’re standing!”

Then he looked at me and asked “Do you get severe headaches in the morning, followed by stomach pains and trembling of the knees?”

I replied “No … why?”

“Because I’ve been getting these symptoms for a week and I wondered if you knew what they were!" he said.

“Anyhow … what are you here for?” he continued.

I showed him my arm and said “I’ve hurt myself in three places.”

He replied, “Stop visiting these places!”

“And another thing doctor,” I went on, “when I drink tea I get this very sharp pain in my eye.”

“Take the spoon out of the cup before drinking!” he said.

I hesitated for a bit and then told him what I was really there for.

"You see, doctor," I started, "sometimes I feel I am a dog."

"How long has this been going on?" he asked.

"Ever since I was a puppy!" I replied.

"OK ..." he said, "get on the couch."

"I'm not allowed on the couch," I replied. He sighed a little and threw his pen in the corner of the room. "Go and fetch it yourself," I said, "I'm not your dog!"

As I got off the couch the doctor asked me, “Tell me, do you have a horse?”

“No I don’t!”

“Pity,” he said, “I have some horse pills I got from a vet … you wouldn’t like to try them do you? You’ll soon be off at a gallop!"

I refused his pills, so he asked me "Do you have problems passing water?"

I replied, "Only when I cross a river ... I get a little dizzy".

"Anything else?" he continued.

"Yes ... I have water on the knee!" I said.

"That's because you're not aiming straight," he said, "tell me ... what are the symptoms?"

"They are yellow cartoon characters on TV ... there's Homer, Bart, Marge and Lisa ..."

He looked me straight in the eye and asked, "How's your libido?"

I hesitated and then replied, "I've had enough of them Italian cars, I now have a BMW!"

At this point a depressed moth flew in through the window. "Help me help me," it said, "I'm so unhappy!"

"Sorry I can't help you," said the medic, "I am a doctor. Not a psychiatrist, or psychologist, or hypnotist or any similar medic that can help you with depression".

"Yes, I know," said the depressed moth.

"Why did you come in and see me then?" asked the medic.

"Because the light was on ..." replied the moth.

(Oh well ... it made me laugh anyway.)

Anyway ... When I returned home I found the postman in my front garden.

“Is this letter yours,” he asked, “the surname’s obliterated.”

“My surname is Moubarak” I replied.

He gave me the letter. It was from a lawyer. I had been left two valuable items in Aunt Matilda’s last will and testament.

I took the items to an antiques dealer and he confirmed them as a genuine Stradivarius and a Rembrandt.

Unfortunately, Rembrandt was bad at making violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter!

As I was heading back home, just by the beach, a seagull flew above me and emptied its load on my head. I asked a passer-by if he had a paper handkerchief. He said "It's too late mate. The seagull must be miles away by now!"

And that's how my day was today. What was yours like?


  1. After reading about your day, i think i will stay indoors!

  2. Victor, I think this is the funniest post you have ever put up and it is my kind of humour. Did you write all of this? I have never liked what people call 'humour' these days, with foul language in, but this kind that you have written is very clever.

    1. Thank you Brenda for your kind words. I'm so glad you enjoyed my kind of humour. Please call again and invite friends. Also, check out the tab at the top entitled "Giggles and Fun".

      God bless.

  3. I think a Rembrandt violin would still be quite valuable...still funny.

    I think you should probably stop seeing the doctor, at least THAT doctor.

    I also think you would drown before reaching Tulsa (I was born if Tulsa have not been back for 73 years. It was boring as I remember, and my pants needed changing a lot.)

    1. I've never been to Tulsa, JoeH. Tell us more what it's like. It must be good if Gene Pitney sang about it.

      God bless always.

    2. I left at 9 months old, the people were all very nice, most of them left with me.

    3. Wow ... long time ago.

      God bless, JoeH.

  4. Now, that's one nutty day if ever there was one!
    Blessings, Victor!

    1. Isn't it good to laugh every now and then, Martha? Life can be so miserable sometimes; so laughter is good.

      God bless you.

  5. Ah, it feels good to laugh. Laugh and Pray!

    1. Indeed Mevely. I believe God likes the sound of laughter. I bet there's laughter in Heaven when someone slips on a banana skin.

      Thanx for the advert for my book "Laugh N Pray". NEW READERS - Check out the right margin ----->

      God bless, Mevely.

  6. LOL, spending a day with you Victor is always an adventure. :)

    1. Yes it is, Bill. Life is so funny at times.

      God bless you always.

  7. Hahahaha! And that's not far off on driving time to Tulsa from where I live in Oregon:)

  8. I always thought that was an odd song, Chris. The chap stops at a motel, has a cup of coffee and then has an affair with a stranger instead of going home to his loved one.

    I'll keep well away from Tulsa, I tell you.

    Keep smiling. God bless.

  9. Some oldies but goodies here. Thanks for the laughs,

  10. I'm still trying to figure out why the bare butt at the top!! Yes, you are funny...sometimes gross...but then that's humor...so keep it coming!! HaHa Sorry haven't had time to visit for a while...hopefully back on a routine of blog visiting.

    1. Sorry Wanda if you feel sometimes my humour is gross. It is recorded for posteriority.

      Please keep calling back. God bless.

    2. Gross doesn't mean I don't get a laugh or enjoy it..Oh, I'm rather dense ...posteriority...hahaha

    3. It's good to laugh, Wanda. It's good for us because it releases dolphins within us to tickle us inside.

      God bless you always.

  11. Your day was more interesting than mine. : )
    Thanks for the laughs.

    1. Some days are more so than others, Happyone. I wish I had the energy to go walking as you do.

      God bless you.

  12. I'm sure I read somewhere that when a seagull flies overhead and duly empties its load on your head it's meant to be lucky!
    I'm not sure how exactly, but apparently this superstition originated in Russia.

    Happy midweek wishes to you Victor.

    All the best Jan

    1. A seagull? A bird I can understand; but a seagull is a bit too much. Literally!!!

      Best wishes, Jan. God bless.



God bless you.