Tuesday 26 May 2020

I don't understand the movies any more!



I've been watching a lot of TV lately. Mostly various movies and reality shows. Better than watching the dust settle on the screen I suppose. Why doesn't someone clean around here? Is there a button on the remote control that clears away the dust from the TV screen?
I've learnt a lot from watching TV.

For example, in a fight the enemies will always wait patiently to attack the hero one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until the hero has knocked out their predecessors. The hero must never show pain whilst fighting but he must always wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

In bedroom scenes it is important to have a special L-shaped sheet that reach the armpit level of the woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her. If staying in a haunted house, women should always investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. Even if it is freezing outside and the wind is howling through the open windows.

In Apocalypse type movies, or Doomsday films, when all is destroyed and only a few people remain alive; I have noticed that the first shortage of items will be razor blades. Because immediately the men have stubble or beards growing on their faces.

Women, however, always seem to have a hidden supply of razor blades or electric shavers, because they do not have armpit hair or hair growing on their legs. They somehow remain beautiful throughout. Even if their clothes get dirty and torn; they're still good to wear to cover their modesty.

The peoples' ordeal in such dire situations as the end of civilisation may go on for days; but their clothes remain fit to wear. Men might lose their shirts, but definitely not their trousers. For they are made of different hard-wearing material which remains intact right through Doomsday and beyond!

I've also noticed a new reality type program on TV called "Naked and Afraid". The idea is to put two individuals, (1 man 1 woman), who never met before, naked in some kind of wild environment. It could be a forest, a jungle or whatever. And they have to survive, naked, for 21 days. I said naked, not baked; although in that heat some parts would be well baked all right!!!

To be honest, I am not sure I understand the purpose of this program. We are shown two naked people in the jungle. The title of the program would no doubt attract people who want to see their nakedness. Yet their private parts are hidden from the viewers at home.

Although the contestants are naked at the time of filming, the interesting bits are always covered in pixelations. You know, those blurred areas on the TV screen that cover the person's naughty parts.

I looked closely to see where those blurred areas were hanging from. Perhaps there's a thin invisible string that hangs the blurred square on the body like a photo hanging on the wall.

Whenever the people moved, that annoying blurred square moved with them covering the whole purpose of the program.

Let's imagine for instance that they meet a wild animal, like a lion; is their nakedness a relevant factor in the danger the situation presents? Surely if you meet a lion, or a bear, the danger is the same whether you're naked or not. If they were attacked, would the film crew continue filming until they die and then say, "Oooops ... perhaps we should have helped them instead"?

I am told that the blurred squares, or pixelations, are put electronically on the film afterwards by the computer.

The people are really naked throughout when filming them!

Really?

Now I remember years ago I made some training films for an organisation I worked for. I didn't actually operate the camera, but I hired a film crew. I was the producer I guess. The person who pays for the whole thing.

The film crew consisted of the camera man and his team, the sound engineer and his team, the lights engineer, the director shouting "cut" every now and then, the director's assistant and so on. You get the idea. About a dozen people or so including actors. And they all often interrupted the filming because the light is not OK, or the sound is not clear enough, or the actors forget their lines and so on. I recall a half-hour film used to take all day to shoot with umpteen stops and restarts and edits.

I presume that a similar number of crew are also in the jungle with these two naked people. They are not on their own, otherwise there would be no one to make the film. 

There's also a whole orchestra there with them to play the incidental music when required. How many people do they need to carry and move the grand piano to different parts of the jungle, I wonder? There's at least another 50 people or so in an orchestra. All out in the jungle with their various organs - musical ones.

And are all these film crew totally naked as well? Or are they clothed?

It would be unfair if they are all dressed and the only naked people are the two contestants airing their differences for all to see.

What if a mosquito bites their backside? Do they have a special ointment to put on in between filming?

And is it fair that we, the audiences watching them on TV at home, are fully clothed whilst those two in the jungle are not?

In honour of those two in the jungle, and as a sign of respect, I too shall join in and watch them naked.

Now then ... where's my pixelation gone?

23 comments:

  1. I think you appear to look at television programs that I would not even be interested in watching Victor. I have much better things to focus on.

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  2. Too funny! I've never had the displeasure of watching that show; but what'd ya know? I'm thinking watching the Kardashians compete on Celebrity Family Feud doesn't seem so inane. Better I find my eyeglasses and pick up a book.

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    1. I've only watched the program once or twice as I was flicking through the channels, Mevely.

      To be honest, I don't understand the purpose of the program. They take two strangers, male and female, and put them naked in a forest for 21 days. If this is meant to be a feast for voyeurs then it has failed because of the pixelation on their private parts. It isn't either a science, or a survival program; because both could be done fully clothed. So what is the point?

      It seems the only voyeurs here are the filming crew with them.

      And how about the contestants? Different ones each show it seems. These people no doubt have families, friends and colleagues at work. Are they happy to be seen on TV with their dangling bits catching the breeze?

      I don't understand the modern world, Mevely. Do you?

      God bless you.

      Delete
  3. it is truly hard to type while tears are running down my face. this is priceless and although I have many times had these thoughts, i never thought to make a comedy for others to read. My husbadn LOVEs naked and afraid. He hates when I walk through the room because I always stop to watch them kill the rattlesnake to eat because they are starving and have not eaten for 3 days and I ALWAYS say as I pass beteen him and the not so naked naked, why don't they ask the crew for food, or they can't sink in that quicksand, the crew will get them out. I loved this post, every word and I needed a laugh.... and laugh I DID. Myra sent me the link..

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  4. I have also asked hubby why anyone would watch the show and why he does. he doesn't answer.. he says while I am talking, watch how they build this fire, and as I walk away I say, just ask the camera man to borrow a lighter... but I must say, I watch The Good Witch every week, say what? HALLMARK channel makes my hubby gag.. perhaps you could watch Hallmark and do another post for us

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    1. Hi Sandra,

      It is so nice to see you visiting here. Thanx. Please call again soon and often; and invite your friends. There's plenty of humour on this Blog. Just click "Giggles and Fun" at the top of this page - the tab is marked. I also have FREE humour books for you at www.holyvisions.co.uk

      Thanx also to Myra to have sent you the link to my Blog. Much appreciated Mevely.

      As for "Naked and Afraid". On our UK TV it is always pixelated. Is it so in the States?

      I often wondered what would the film crew do if someone is bitten by a snake, or has an allergic reaction to some plant or insect bite. What a dilemma? Do you continue filming or do you take photos with your cell-phone? Personally, I'd continue filming because digital video on those cameras is far superior to cell-phones photos. You can tell in the post-mortem video whether their private parts were affected by the snake bite.

      Sadly, we don't have HALMARK on UK TV.

      God bless, Sandra.

      Delete
    2. yes, all the private parts are pixelated, for all we know what is under the smeary pixels, could be a flesh colored suit for all we know. why would anyone in their right mind spend time in a junlge without clothes or for that matter with clothes. I assume there are many who watch it or they would give it the ax. Maybe i will atempt to write a post on Hallmark... I think the whole show N and A is a hoax and no one gets bit or hurt, they are faking it. all reality shows are most faked

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    3. I tend to agree with what you say, Sandra. There are so many dangerous insects and plants in a wild environment that just brushing against a leaf could trigger an anaphylactic shock. This is very dangerous indeed.

      What surprises me is the fact that they find "volunteers" willing to go in the forest naked. Unless they are very well paid.

      God bless.

      Delete
  5. I'm afraid that movies or televison shows just don't interest me. I rather read a good book. :)

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    1. Read one of mine, Bill. I've read them and I think they're good.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  6. You certainly have a delightfully pixilated way of looking at things, Victor! I can't believe anyone would want to participate in a program like "Naked and Afraid." Doesn't make sense to me whatsoever.
    Blessings!

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    1. I agree, Martha. These people must have family and friends, are they happy to be seen like this on TV?

      God bless.

      Delete
  7. Got a kick out of your commentary on the TV and movies. For many years now, my dearest and I have become very picky about what we watch and put in our minds. Since they cannot make a good drama, action or romance with out taking the Lords Name in vain, nudity, all or partial, and just vulgar language. So you can call us prudes, but we stopped TV and now have a firestick, that lets us watch dramas, adventures, lots of documentaries, etc. And we have fallen in love with Horse Stories. Who need the garbage of regular TV. Not us. Just saying.

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    1. You are not prudes, Wanda. TV these days seems to cater for the lowest common denominator. There's plenty of swearing, nudity and mocking Christianity.
      Sad, isn't it?

      God bless.

      Delete
  8. We haven't even had TV at home for quite a while. We now just watch DVD's that we have bought or from the library.
    We have favorite series that we watch over and over. We watch one or sometime two episodes a night.

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    1. Yes, we have some favourite Marx Brothers DVDs.

      God bless, Happyone.

      Delete
  9. Mercy, first i have to be concerned about reindeer (will Santa still have any?) and now i will be concerned about silly people running naked in the jungle.

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    1. That is a TRUE program, Mimi. Check it out on Google.

      God bless always.

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  10. Naked & Afraid... I thought you were teasing, but then realized this show actually exists. So happy to have missed this show. Have you seen The Chosen series? It's so good:)

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    1. Yes Chris, N&A actually exists. I did not know about The Chosen. We don't have that on UK TV. But I searched and found it on You Tube. Thanx for letting me know about this. Much appreciated.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  11. Too funny. I've not watched TV for decades but I always wonder how it is that nobody in the South ever gets a mosquito bite in the movies when I am mercilessly attacked by hordes of them.

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    1. Great to see you visiting me again Vijaya. Thanx. You're right; why on TV shows in the jungle or in the wild no one gets bitten by insects?

      God bless you.

      Delete

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