Monday, 4 May 2020
Size matters ... does it not?
I think the problem in such circumstances of too much un-occupied time is that you become a little self-conscious. You start to analyse yourself, you start to look at yourself in the mirror. You compare. You consider whether size really matters. Has anyone noticed? Has anyone commented about it? Has anyone complained? If not, why worry about it?
I've been doing just that lately. Looking at the mirror and wondering whether size matters or whether anyone will notice or say something about it.
After all, it is always in full view. Someone is bound to see it and say something sooner or later.
I am sure it is not my imagination, but I have one ear slightly bigger than the other. I never noticed it before.
A few days ago whilst shaving I nicked myself. A very small cut near my ear. It bled a little. Just a drop or two. The sort of cut which is temporarily stopped by putting a piece of clean toilet paper or tissue on it until it stops bleeding. Where's the toilet paper when you need it most?
So I wrapped a towel round my head and went downstairs for some breakfast. Nearly fell down the stairs because the towel round my face reduced my vision.
Then I noticed the anomaly ... ... ... that's a nice word. Anomaly. Makes me sound learned when I say it. Anomaly ... it means something that deviates from what is standard. And deviates it certainly did.
I noticed the anomaly when I closed the fridge door and it nearly caught my ear in it. The door just brushed by my ear and I could hear the wind whistle as it swung shut. Reminded me of hearing the wind rush by when my teacher at school used to throw chalk at me for talking in class. He was a good shot. Never actually hit you but aimed the shot close enough to your head for you to notice.
And notice, I did. I looked in the mirror. Yes, the right ear was bigger than the left one. Distinctly so.
I looked in my wife's knitting and sewing bag and found her tape measure. I went back to the bathroom and looking at the mirror I measured and compared each ear.
I heard my wife say, "Have you been at my sewing bag?"
"Yes," I replied, "I just borrowed your tape measure!" (What a stupid thing to say).
"What ARE you measuring?" she asked.
I did not reply. I got dressed and went to the doctor's.
This time I did catch my ear in the car door as I shut it. That really hurt!
The doctor said, "Do you realise that you have come to see me more often than any other patient?"
I said, "Just as well. Otherwise you'd be out of business!"
He measured me ... I was right ... my right ear is a quarter of a centimetre longer than the left one.
The doctor told me not to worry about it. But I do ...
What do you think? Does size matter?