Tuesday, 4 August 2020

Thinking with my mind

For some reason I sometimes think. I don't know how it happens. It just does. I just think.

I was thinking the other day. I remember when I worked in London my office was on the third floor. There was a ledge outside my window. For some reason best known to itself a duck from the park opposite built a nest on the ledge. I did not know ducks build nests so high. Maybe this one was stupid.

Anyway, eventually the eggs hatched and there were five little ducklings in the nest. I could see them out the window. At first they hardly moved in the nest, but slowly they grew a little at a time and became more mobile. One day they started getting out of the nest and walk on the ledge. I guess they wanted to fly. But ducklings don't fly, do they?

I did not know what to do. I hid behind the curtain watching them walk on the edge of the ledge. The phone rang. I ignored it. I kept watching wondering whether to open the window and try to catch them.

Suddenly, one of the stupid creatures jumped. I was horrified. Three storeys up and this idiot jumped. It was quickly followed by the four others.

I opened the window and leant right out to look what happened. To my surprise all five landed safely in the car park below and were happily walking together.

Then a car ran them over!
HA ... HA ... HA ... I'm so glad this is not a true story. But it made me laugh anyway. I had to write it quickly before I forgot it.

I often think something and then forget it. Like going upstairs for instance. I go up and forget why I went up in the first place. So I get down again. And I remember, so I get up once more and get distracted by something else; like a window is open which needs shutting, and I forget again why I got up a second time.

Now before I get upstairs I write on a piece of paper why I am going upstairs. Sometimes I forget to take the piece of paper up with me and go down again to look for it; but can't remember where I put it.

One day I will publish all these pieces of paper as a book. It will help people remember reasons to go upstairs.

Go to the toilet, take folded laundry upstairs, bring dirty clothing to be washed, take a shower, go to sleep, go to the toilet again ... and so on.

The problem is we live in a one-storey bungalow. So going upstairs takes me to the attic, or loft. No wonder I can't find the toilet there!
I'm on a roll here. That's the second funny story I just thought. I wonder what I'll think of next.

It was very hot the other day. We had the windows open and it attracted mosquitoes in the house. I could not find a newspaper to beat them senseless so I used the modern version - my wife's Kindle.

When she came in she asked, "What are you **** doing with my Kindle?"

"Swatting mosquitoes," I replied, "I killed three males and two females!"

Somehow, this distracted her from my using her Kindle, she asked, "How do you know their sex?"

"Easy," I said, "the three males were on my beer, the two females were on the phone!"

Oh come on ... that was a good one. I bet all my lady readers are upset with me now.

I visit an old peoples' home every now and then and keep the elderly entertained with a chat and a few jokes. The other day one of the visiting doctors was testing their acuity.

He asked Eddie, "what is five times five?"

Eddie replied "132!"

The doctor smiled and asked Peter, "what is five times five?"

"Thursday," replies Peter.

The doctor writes his notes and asks Martin, "what is five times five?"

Martin replies, "25!"

The doctor is encouraged and asked, "how did you get your answer, Martin?"

"Easy ..." says Martin, "just subtract 132 from Thursday!"
Keep smiling folks. God bless you all.


  1. Pretty sure I remember reading about the momma duck and her babes. (Me, I'd be reaching for the phone to summon a fire ladder.) LOVED the story about the nursing home acuity test!
    My word, WHAT will you think of next?

    1. I really don't know what to think next ... ideas just come and I write them down.

      God bless you Mevely.

  2. All these funny stories are great, Victor, but the last one about the nursing home takes the cake! And yes, I start in one direction about the house, and more often than not, forget what I've come for. I call it a senior moment, and pray I don't start getting those more frequently.

    1. It's good to laugh though, Martha. Life is getting a little too serious these days. Hopefully, more smiles tomorrow.

      God bless always my friend.

  3. Replies
    1. It's good to smile Happyone. Call again for more tomorrow.

      God bless.

  4. Yep, too many times I walk upstairs to get something and have to start talking to myself to figure out what it was.

    This is sad!

    1. Talking to yourself is OK. Answering yourself ... then we have a problem!

      God bless, Linda.

  5. It's so easy these days to get distracted. I misplaced my glasses once and after a few minutes realized I had them on. :)

  6. Your stories remind me of the "Fractured Nursery Rhyme's" Here us one.
    Little Miss Muffett, sat on a tuffett eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider and sat down beside her, and she took of her shoe and smashed it! HaHa.
    I was feeling a little weary this morning, counting out pills, daily chores, and then I come to see what my friend Victor has to share...and it was the medicine I needed. Laughter, it's God design to encourage a weary soul. Now I'm ready to laugh and remember these fun stories and have a delightful day. Thanks Victor.

    1. Great nursery rhyme, Wanda. I'll try my best to dispense smiles on this blog. Please call often and invite others too. More smiles, hopefully, tomorrow.

      God bless always.

  7. It's so important to keep smiling.
    Thanks Victor.

    All the best Jan

  8. I always know the post is going to be a treat when you start thinking!

    1. I can't help it. I think all the time. Cogito, ergo sum.

      God bless.

  9. Your "thinks" are so amusing!

  10. Hi Victor. I hadn't been reading for a bit, oh, you make me laugh. That last one I could actually see happening. But, I must say when I read the word "jumped" in the duck story, it caught my breath! Glad to read they were all ok. Even if it was a figment of your imagination! Keep on making people laugh.

    1. So glad to see you visiting here again, Diane. Thanx. Always trying to dispense laughter and smiles here.

      God bless.



God bless you.