Tuesday, 27 October 2020

Mrs Frosdick-Borehead

I met Mrs Frosdick-Borehead two days ago. She is a very old lady who lives nearby. So old she is in Genesis; and I don't mean Genesis the rock group with Phil Collins. I meant the first book in the Bible which she helped edit.

She approached me as I was getting out the trash and she said, "Is that yourself ?"

I hesitated and said, "Yes ... it is me!"

She screwed her eyes a little to focus better and then added, "It is you ... isn't it?"

I smiled and replied gently, "yes ... I've always been me ... at least I was this morning when I checked!"

"Where have you been all these years," she said angrily, "I have not seen you for thirteen years. Ever since I asked you to go to the kitchen and get some olives!"

I did not know what to say for a moment or two. My mind focussed on the olives. I like olives. Black ones, green ones, with stones, without stones, stuffed with that red pimento something. How do they get that red thing in the olive? Is there a man with a hole punch making a small hole and then pushing in the pimento with a toothpick? Or are the olives grown with the pimento in them?

She interrupted my tasty train of thought.

"I bet you still haven't found the olives, have you?" she cried.

I wondered who she must have mistaken me for. Her husband perhaps. I've never met him. I assumed he was dead not in the kitchen looking for olives. Maybe he went in the kitchen and stepped into a magic portal which transported him to another world. Maybe he is in an olive grove somewhere in another world still searching for olives.

"Well, don't stand there like an idiot not saying a thing," she continued, "have you got the olives or not?"

I don't know why I said this next thing. May the Good Lord forgive me. The devil tempted me and I succumbed.

"Yes," I said, "I've got the olives. Let me get them for you."

I then went into the house and got her a jar of olives which we had bought just recently. A new jar. Unopened. Full of lovely olives with pimento inside each of them.

I gave it to her with a smile.

"I prefer the black ones," she said, "but these will do". And she walked away with my olives.

This morning, whilst pruning the roses in my front garden, a neighbour said to me, "I hear you got caught by Frosdick-Borehead the other day. She always asks people for things she wants to save her going to the supermarket. I gave her a packet of tea the other day. We always buy a few extra in case she asks again. You'd better stock up on olives!"

31 comments:

  1. Funny! Yep, never underestimate the elderly. I always used to 'filch' the black olives from mother's crudite dish. Nowadays I prefer the green, served in a dry Tanqueray martini. Have you ever tasted them stuffed with bleu cheese?

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    1. No ... never with blue cheese. I'll check the supermarket next time. I don't think I've seen them with cheese over here. I'll also check Amazon.

      For some reason they can be very morish. One olive is never enough. I use the stoneless ones (black) in a French baguette sandwich with olive oil. Nothing else. Olives and olive oil.

      God bless, Mevely.

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  2. It was good of you to humor an old person. Someday you'll be one of them yourself :-)

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    1. I was not humouring her. I just wondered if she was a sandwich short of a picnic. Turns out she was fooling me.

      God bless, Kathy.

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  3. If it works, why change it. :)
    She is wise!

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    1. I understands she asks other neighbours for things too, sugar, coffee that sort of thing. They all give her what she needs every now and then.

      God bless, Bill.

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  4. You are a kind man, a bit strange, but kind.

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    1. Me? Kind? Don't ruin my reputation, Susan!

      God bless you.

      Delete
  5. Well, now I know how to trick the neighbors into giving me grocery items. I will be old enough in a few years to plead senility. Your kindness surfaced in the telling of this olive story. Blessings. Have a lovely day.

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    1. Next time she comes round I'll have an olive branch ready. A big, long, tall olive branch!!!

      Keep smiling Nells.

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  6. Don't mess with old people!

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    1. Definitely not, JoeH. Old people are smart.

      God bless you always.

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  7. 'So old she is in Genesis'

    Now that's FUNNY!

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  8. Boy, Victor, she has this gig down pat! Yes, better stock up on those olives, and quick. But, make them black this time. :)
    Blessings!

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    1. Oh I do love black olives. Well ... all olives really. Great with Feta cheese.

      Have you got it in the USA? Feta cheese that is ... not olives.

      Here we have another cheese called Halloumi. Tastes like elastic bands. Chewy too.

      God bless, Martha.

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  9. Clever old lady she is!
    I prefer the green ones, with stones.

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    1. I like all of them, with and without stones.

      God bless you, Ladka.

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  10. Dearest Victor,
    Mrs. Frosdick-Borehead was rather clever in manipulating others at random for feeling guilty of a task not completed.
    You did well!
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    Replies
    1. Old people can be very clever, Mariette. Very clever.

      God bless you and your family.

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  11. Nice story, I like that you gave her your olives!!

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    1. Good thing she did not ask for chocolates!!!

      God bless, Happyone.

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  12. Well, she certainly sounds devious, if nothing else!

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  13. LOL! I think you had better stock up on olives.

    All the best Jan

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    Replies
    1. I think she prefers the black ones.

      God bless, Jan.

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