Thursday 8 July 2021

My phone conversation with the priest



Hello ... is this St Vincent Church?

I would like to speak to Father Donald please ...

... Not Father Mark ... he is a little frightening at times ... I find him intimida ...

... Oh it's you Father Mark !!! Hello ...

... Ehm ... I'm sorry about what I said just then ...

... Will I need to confess it as a sin? No ... oh good ...

Well ... what I wondered is ... you know your housekeeper ...

Yes ... Mrs Nightingale ... yes ... well ... do you think she has my sausages?

My sausages ... You see, I am at home cooking breakfast ... fried eggs and bacon with baked beans and no sausages ...

Yes ... I have no sausages ... and I wondered if Mrs Nightingale had them and cooked them for you and Father Donald for breakfast ...

I was at the butcher this morning ... you see ... Ivor Bull and Harry Lamb ... do you know them?

... They are in the High Street next to the pub The Drunken Bishop ...

Yes ... I'm about to get to the point ... don't intimidate me please ... it makes me worried when you shout ... Ok ... yes ... I have calmed down ...

... Well ... the butcher ... he makes lovely pork sausages ... chipolatas ...

... That's the name of the sausages ... Have you ever tried them?

Yes ... I'm getting there ... Well ... I got half a pound of chipolatas and then on my way home I came in the Church.

I sat at the back ... and it was about the end of the Mass ... is it a sin to come at the end of the Mass rather than the beginning?

No? Well ... I stayed there and said a prayer whilst the two or three people there went home ... then I left too ...

When I got home I did not have my chipolatas ... I may have left them on the pew ... the last one at the back on the left ...

Well ... I thought perhaps Mrs Nightingale may have found them when she was cleaning the church and fed them to you and Father Donald?

Why are you angry with me, Father? I was only asking ...

Ok ... after I have had my breakfast ... without the chipolatas ... I'll come over to church and ask Mrs Nightingale if she found them ...

Will you be there? No? You'll be out? For how long? I thought I'd say "hello" whilst I'm there ... You'll be out for a month?

Ok ... I'll say "hello" now then ... and "goodbye!"

I hope you are not angry with me, Father ... Father ... He's hung up!


  1. ...I always enjoy the Reader's Digest version of the story!

  2. Dearest Victor,
    Haha, that is a good story and I'm sure hoping that your sausages have surfaced in time before spoiling!

    1. Nope ... never found them. I bet Father Mark ate them. I hope he confesses that next time he goes to confession.

      God bless, Mariette.

  3. Methinks Fr. Mark is in need of (what you call) a charisma transplant!
    Unfortunately, clergy like that do exist; makes me doubly thankful for our Pastor Janet.

    1. Yes Mevely, we did have a priest who had an abrupt, few words, attitude. I think it's because he was shy. His sermons, however, had a lot of words and lasted ages. He read them, word for word, from printed paper. He read including the commas and full stops.

      I liked Pastor Janet's sermon you put on your blog.

      God bless.

  4. I just bet your confessions are being recorded and held for an expose' later. LOL
    I enjoyed the phone call, thanks for letting us listen in.
    PS: My sister did something like that once, talking the 'THE WRONG' person...
    Sherry & jack just eavesdropping...

    1. When the priest in church said, "lift up your hearts!" I should have lifted my sausages!

      So happy you liked listening in, Jack and Sherry. God bless you both.

  5. I love sausages and would have been very sad if I left them somewhere and couldn't find them. My day would have been ruined. :)

    1. That's exactly how I felt, Bill. The sausages were either in church or still at the butchers. Either way, I lost them. I put an advert in the paper but no one answered.

      God bless.

  6. Someone had a good breakfast! :)

  7. Perhaps someone else found the sausages, i am just surprised they weren't turned in at the parish house. After all, you'd think people wouldn't just keep something not theirs that they found in church.

    1. Maybe they were still at the butchers? Or perhaps I lost them on route home? I really don't know where they vanished to.

      God bless, Mimi.

  8. That's a heck of a breakfast! Way too much food in my opinion. And one should always carry a bag to put multiple purchases in so none are lost. Tsk Tsk.



God bless you.