Humour Time

 You come from dust, you will return to dust. That's why I don't dust. It could be someone I know.

"One day, you will be able to tell your grandkids, I survived the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020."

"You're not fat, you're just... easier to see."

"Not in jail, not in a mental hospital, not in a grave - I say I'm having a very good day."

"I started out with nothing... I still have most of it."

"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket."

"The problem with stealing quotes off the Internet is you never know if they are genuine."

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

He was so narrow-minded; he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.

Few women admit their age. Few men act it.

We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.

A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.

There's no point in being so open-minded that your brains fall out. 

I wouldn’t say he’s very old, but when he was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.

A thief broke into my house last night looking for money. So I got up and searched with him.  

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

As one door closes another opens outwards and hits you in the face.