Much Ado About Pants

 

I was at a posh hotel preparing to give an important speech to a group of managers about our budget plans and future forecasts. I was the last speaker at the Conference as everyone was ready to leave.

I was in my hotel room getting dressed in my best suit ready to face my audience. As I put my leg in the trousers my foot somehow caught the inner turn-up of the trousers and tore into the stitching. The trousers were not torn but obviously with the turn-ups loose one trouser leg was now much longer than the other.

How can I fix it in such a short time? 

 

Needle and thread … that’s what I need. What’s the use? I wouldn’t know what to do if I had any anyway.

What else can I use? Pins … must find some pins … there aren’t any anywhere.

How about paper clips? I have some in my briefcase … no … they don’t hold the turn-ups very well. 

What if I use the sticky-tape to tape the turn-up back in place? It doesn’t hold very well. It falls down again. 

Aha … my stapler!!! I can staple the turn up back in place.

I raise my foot on the chair and click … click … click … click … a few staples later and the turn-ups are back in place. 

I go to the basin to wash my hands.

As I open the faucet the water rushes into the basin, swivels round at speed, and splashes all over the front of my trousers with embarrassing results.

I can hardly stand in front of all these people giving the impression that I have been caught short? 

I try desperately to dry the trousers with a towel but the large stain on my front is still clearly visible.

Even if I button up my jacket the wet stain is still there for all to notice.

Aha … I remember seeing a hair-dryer in one of the drawers.

Plug it in … stand in front of the mirror and blow hot air on the stain. Hopefully it will dry quickly and in time for me to go and give my speech.

Wow … this hair-dryer is hot!!!

And noisy too!!!

So noisy that I did not hear the hotel maid knocking at the door and entering the room.

She is standing there behind me watching as I get forever hotter. One can only imagine what she’s thinking.

“Eh … my trousers …” I mumble, “they’re wet … I’m trying to dry them … I got them wet with water … from the basin …” 

 

“I understand Sir,” she replies with a smile, “have you tried the trouser-press? If you fold the trousers in here the heat will soon dry the … water.”

I did not like the pause before she said “water”. She’s got the situation all wrong.

She pulls out the trouser-press from its compartment and switches it on. “It is ready now Sir!” she says with a smile.

“Eh … I think it is better if you now leave,” I mumble again, “I’ll take it from here!”

“Of course Sir!” she smiles broadly as she leaves the room.

I try to take the trousers off in a hurry … drat … why is this stupid trouser leg stuck? 

 

I nearly tripped standing on one leg and fell back on the bed … drat and double drat … the leg turn-up is stapled to my sock … 

 

How did I staple the trousers to the sock whilst I’m still wearing it? Would you believe it? 

Too late to untangle it! I took off the trousers and sock and put them in the trouser press.

Whilst standing there another maid comes in without knocking to clean the room.

 

"Sorry Sir, I thought you had already checked out of the hotel!" she says as she leaves. 

I open the press and put the trousers back on in a hurry … GEEEEEEE … that is HOT!!!!!

I hop from foot to foot wandering whether I have done myself a mischief.

Later that afternoon whilst I was checking out at the hotel reception with my boss the chambermaid passes by and asks me “Did your trousers dry OK Sir?”

My boss looks at me with raised eyebrows and says nothing.

 

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