Those who run in front of cars get tired. Those who run behind cars get exhausted.
Those that stand on toilets are high on pot.
A man that keeps his feet firmly grounded… has trouble putting on his pants.
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
A man who sinks into a woman’s arms… will soon find his arms in her sink.
Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
Those who jump off a cliff… jump to a conclusion.
It’s better to be without a book than to believe a book entirely.
Those who eat crackers in bed… will wake up feeling crummy.
A smile will gain you ten more years of life.
Those that get hit by a car… will get that run-down feeling.
A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.
He who pees on an electric fence… will receive shocking news.
A man who cannot tolerate small misfortunes can never accomplish great things.
Those that sneeze without a hanky… take matter into their own hands.
Behave toward everyone as if receiving a guest.
Breaking wind in an elevator… is wrong on so many levels.
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one.
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is today.
The best time to visit The Christian Lounge is now and HERE
And I'm going to scoot over there right now. Blessings, Victor!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Martha, for your support. Your article will be published in The Christian Lounge tomorrow.
DeleteGod bless you.
Smiled some, thanks. I did borrow one. THANKS for all the prayers.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you enjoyed my offerings today, Jack. God bless you and your family always. Still praying.
DeleteOh how good these are!! I made a copy to use on my grandkids from time to time. I sure enjoyed the Christian Lounge...
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind comments, Shug. We look forward to your articles contribution to The Christian Lounge. God bless always.
DeleteI just came from the lounge and read the guardian angel piece. It was nicely written.
ReplyDeleteThank you Bill. Myra (Mevely) will be a regular contributor to The Christian Lounge. Have you considered sending in an article? Just 500 words or so. Write to my office enquiries@holyvisions.co.uk
DeleteGod bless you and yours.
Fun to read your one liners.
ReplyDeleteLaughter is good for us K.
DeleteGod bless.
These remind me of my dad. He knew SO many one-liners and jokes. My favorite was the "sink" one. / Now I'm off to visit the Christian Lounge, thanks to Martha Orlando who gave us the heads-up!
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting us here, Nancy. We look forward to your many visits and comments. And at The Christian Lounge too. Martha will be posting there tomorrow (Thursday).
DeleteGod bless.
Ooooh, these are such fun! I've already pigeon-holed a few favorites to drop in conversation. (hee-hee)
ReplyDeleteI'd like to be there when you use these in conversation; it should be fun to see peoples' faces!
DeleteGod bless you, Mevely.
Victor, un post genial, me robaste varias sonrisas y por eso te voy a robar algunos, me encantaron.
ReplyDeleteQue tengas un feliz año, nunca pierdas ese buen humor que rejuvenece el alma.
Besos Victor
TRANSLATION: Victor, great post! You made me smile a lot, so I'm going to steal a few of yours—I loved them!
DeleteHave a happy new year, and never lose that good humor that rejuvenates the soul. Kisses, Victor.
I'm so glad you enjoyed our humour here, Momentos. Please share with your family and friends. Best wishes to you all for the New Year. May God bless you always.
I like the way you are thinking, and will try not to jump to any conclusions.
ReplyDeleteNo, definitely no conclusions please.
DeleteGod bless, Mimi.
These are great, Victor. Thanks 😊
ReplyDeleteThank you Linda. God bless always.
Delete