At the Hospital

I went to hospital for a check-up to see if my sense of humour was still intact. Whilst there I overheard many medical staff discussing things using words that made no sense to ordinary people like you and me. Medics seem to have a language all their own. To help you, I have compiled a small list of words and their meanings:

Antibody                   =       Against everyone

Artery                       =       The study of fine paintings

Barium                      =       What you do when CPR fails

Benign                      =       What you are after you are eight

Bowels                     =       Letters like A, E, I, O, U

Caesarean Section    =       A district in Rome

Cardiology               =       Advanced study of poker playing

Cat-scan                  =       Searching for lost Kitty

Cauterize                =       Made eye contact with her

Colic                       =       A sheepdog

Coma                      =       A punctuation mark

Cortizone               =       The local court house

Dilate                     =       To live longer

Fester                     =       Quicker

Genes                    =       Blue denims

I C U                    =       Peek a boo

Impotent               =       Distinguished or well known

Medical staff        =       A doctor’s cane

Morbid                 =       A higher offer

Outpatient            =       A person that has fainted

Post-Operative     =       A letter carrier

Recovery room    =       Place to upholster furniture

Red blood count  =       Dracula

Saline                  =       A boat trip on holiday

Tablet                 =       A small table

Tibia                  =       Country in North Africa

Urine                =       Opposite of you’re out

Varicose           =       Way to close

Vein                 =       Conceited