What do you do?

 

Q - Hello, this is a lovely party isn't it? I am Quentin Fartwell, nice to meet you?

I - Pleased to meet you, I'm Ivor Flatulence; you're not Quentin Fartwell the pharmacist are you?

Q - The very same. The pharmacist on the High Street, the shop just next to Doug M Deep the mortician.

I - Yes I know it well. Just opposite Ken McWind the bagpipes repairer. 

Q - The very same ... that's right. And what do you do Ivor?

I - Well ... today I followed our tortoise all the way to the end of the garden, and when it got there I turned it round.

Q - Interesting! I meant what do you do every day.

I - Oh it's the same every day. It takes Gonzales our tortoise all day to reach the end of the garden. When it gets there by the evening I turn it round. It takes it all night to get back home so in the morning I turn it again. It must have walked miles since we got it.

Q - Quite ... Quite ... I meant what do you do as a job?

I - Oh it's quite a job I tell you. Gonzales is slowing down because of his age. And I have to get to him just as he reaches the fence at the end of the garden or the back door of our house when he's coming back. Because when he gets there his head hits the fence or the back door and he continues walking on the spot. I was late one day and he just continued walking whilst standing still and his legs had dug his own grave on the spot.

Q - I understand ...

I - Not like when we had Speedy our pet snail. Now whilst he took longer to reach the fence at the end of the garden, when he got there he crawled underneath it and escaped. We looked everywhere for him. We put notices on all lamp posts asking if people had seen him. We placed adverts in the newspapers. Offered a reward for his return ... But nothing. We reckon he ended up in a French restaurant. He always had a penchant for garlic sauce.

Q - I see ... did you ever have a job as a profession?

I - As a young apprentice I worked at the zoo. I used to pick up the penguins when they fell over. They usually fall asleep and fall over.

Q - And after that?  

I - After that I was a door-to-door salesman selling doors. Not many openings in that profession. As one door shut another slammed. And some opened outwards and hit me in the face.

Q - Sorry to hear it. 

I - After that in my thirties my grandfather was very ill in hospital suffering from extreme indolence. It runs in the family, I believe; or rather it walks slowly in the family. Anyway, I went to visit him and brought him a bunch of grapes. He just sat there staring at the wall and said nothing. To keep him company I ate one grape at a time until I finished them. He just looked at me and he said 'selfish'. So I became a fishmonger.

Q - A fishmonger?

I - Yes ... the shop was a failure on account of the fact that we had a cat instead of a guard dog. We could not afford a dog!  

NOTE: Why is it we place so much importance on what someone does for a living? And in doing so, we categorise some people, or some professions, as more important than others. 

For example, if you were a successful lawyer or scientist or businessman, would you date/marry a waiter or waitress, or a garbage collector, or someone whose job is considered so much "beneath" you?

What would your family and friends say?   

Discuss!