For example, did you know I was short-listed, down to the last five, for the star role in the film Lassie? I failed because I could not run fast enough and jump over fences. I wore a furry type coat and ran on all fours, but could not see properly through the tiny holes in the dog's head. I kept hitting trees full on and bleeding through the nose. They eventually gave the role to a real dog which they trained especially for the movie.
Also, years previously I did have a minor role in a re-make of the Victor Hugo book made into a film "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". I was the hump on the back of Quasimodo. I had to jump on the actor's back and hide under his extra large coat. As I did not have a speaking role they did not mention my name in the credits at the end of the film.
And that's not all. I also appeared, fully visible in the great movie about Cyrano de Bergerac. Again, not a speaking role, but this time fully visible, unlike my role as Quasimodo's lump on his back. In this film I was Cyrano's nose. I just hung there throughout the movie and no one even noticed.
Another major role was as the nail in Frankenstein's neck. One movie critic said my acting was a solid performance albeit a little rusty which should never again to be emulated.
So there you have it. At last modesty got the better of me and I have let it be known that at some stage, in the distant past, I too was a celebrity of sorts. I could have been famous and people would ask me for my autograph. Never copied or rivalled by the greatest of the great. Instead, I missed it by a nose, or a hump. I did not nail it at all.
