What a week

 

It's been quite a week. My wife has joined the church choir. She spends a lot of time practicing at home. When she starts singing I quickly run and sit outside where my neighbours can see me. I don't want them to think I'm hitting her.

To distract her, I took her to the restaurant last night. The manager said, "Do you mind waiting for a bit?" I relied, "No!"So he asked to take the drinks to table 9 and ask them what they'd like to eat.

Whilst I was serving, a man rushed in from the street and asked me, "Quick ... how tall is a penguin?" I replied, "About three feet!" He said, "Oh dear me ... I have run over a nun!"  

I had a few drinks too many with our meal. So on the way home my wife drove the car. She crashed it and told the policeman who arrived on the scene that the man she collided with was speaking on his cell-phone and was drinking a can of beer at the time. The policeman said that the man can do what he likes in his living room.

After all the paperwork and formalities the policeman suggested I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart!

By the way, did I ever tell you that we named our two children War and Peace ... it's a long story!

I was really embarrassed the other day. My wife nearly caught me playing with my son's train set. So I quickly threw the bed sheet all over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.

Do you know the quickest way to turn a sofa into a bed? Forget your wife's birthday. I did so last week and she said she'll make sure I never forget it again.