The other day I mistook the container for shower gel and rubbed it all over me when in the shower.
Immediately, within seconds, my beard grew to double its size. But worse ... hair grew out of control all over my body.
I had hair on the palms of my hands. All over my hands and arms in fact. Everywhere was growing hair. My underarms hair grew so fast you could have plaited them and tied them with a ribbon. I had beards growing out of my knees. My arms had long strands of hairs running down just like a curtain or wings.
The more I cut the hair the longer it grew. The almost
instantaneous growth was amazing. Just as well I did not rub the cream
elsewhere on my body and have unwanted beards in places I would rather not.
When I put my shirt on the sleeves became all puffed-up with
the hair inside them. I looked like a stuffed Teddy bear. I could not bend my
arms at the elbows and I walked around with arms outstretched knocking
everything in sight.
My wife is upset that I accidentally knocked and broke the
vase her mother gave her for Christmas. Secretly I thought it was hideous and
complemented well the trash can in which it was finally consigned.
My cat became suspicious of the overgrown hairy me and
started hissing and arching his back as if to pounce. To calm him down I patted
his neck gently.
I must have had a trace of cream on my hand because now although
he is ginger he has a long black beard growing from the back of his head. Whenever
I come near him he runs away in distrust.
I hid the cream and told my family not to touch it. It is
bad enough having my mother-in-law with a moustache and
beard without having my family looking like her.
My friend is analysing the formulae to find out what’s gone
wrong. He says he may have used too much penguin droppings.
