Unreasonableness

I find it so disappointing when people are unreasonable. I try my best to be kind and helpful to everyone, yet people often behave in an unreasonable manner. So sad.

Let me explain.

Years ago I worked in the Lost Property Office of a large organisation. You know the type. Most big organisations like railway stations, bus stations, hotels, theatres and the like have these offices. If anyone loses something and it is handed in, it is taken to the Lost Property Office to await someone to reclaim it.

My job was to record every item handed in, the description of the item, the identity of who handed it in, and date and time it was handed in. Also, if reclaimed, who reclaimed the item and their address.

This being Britain, the most common item handed in as being lost was umbrellas. We had hundreds of them. If you opened up all the umbrellas we had they would cover the whole of the UK.

Items were kept for a set period of time and then, if not reclaimed, they were sold and the money given to charity.

People used to come asking if their umbrella, or walking stick, or hat, or wallet had been handed in. After I asked for a description of their lost item, I would show them some items and if it is theirs I would hand it over. No fee. A satisfied customer.

Often people were disappointed that they did not find the item that was lost. I felt sorry for them. So I looked at the items that were past their retention date, and would offer them such as a substitute for their lost item.

I was trying to be helpful. And this is where their unreasonableness got me upset.

A man came once asking if we had found his lost false teeth.

I looked everywhere but no false teeth had been handed in. So I suggested he takes a packet of straws instead.

He got very angry with me and threatened to report me to my manager. I was only trying to be helpful, as I said.

Someone else had lost his hat.

I showed him several hats that were handed in but none were his. So in sheer desperation I offered him a trombone.

He turned it down on account that it was too big to fit his head. Unreasonable, don't you think?

People were losing all sorts of things. Someone had lost a bra,

someone else lost some underwear,

somebody else had lost a bucket of worms.

I mean ... how can people lose such things? And also have the courage to come looking for them. The worst item that someone had come to ask for, having lost it on our premises, was a live tortoise.

I looked everywhere and checked all our record books but I could not find a tortoise as being handed in. Neither dead nor alive. No tortoise whatsoever. So I offered him a grand-mother instead.

She had been handed in three months previously and no one had claimed her. Management was too reluctant to sell her as unwanted property and encouraged me to get rid of her somehow. She looked a bit like the tortoise in the man's photo. She was alive. She walked very slowly. Always chewing on a bit of lettuce which we gave her to sustain her. So I thought she would make a good substitute for the tortoise.

I held my breath. To my surprise the man accepted her as a substitute for the lost tortoise and a few months later they were married.

Now why can't all people be as reasonable as him?

Lost Property

ASSISTANT: Can I help you Sir?

ME: Yes please. I wonder if anyone has handed in a glove at Lost Property. We were in this store about an hour ago and my son has lost a glove.

ASSISTANT: A glove, you say? No … no gloves handed in. But you can have a pencil instead.

ME: A pencil?

ASS: That’s right. You can choose any colour. Does your son like a blue one? Red perhaps?

ME: No thanks. We came in for a lost glove.

ASS: But, we have plenty of pencils. No one ever hands in a glove to Lost Property it is always pencils, or pens, or rulers or envelopes.

ME: No wonder people hand in pencils and pens. This is a stationery store after all!

ASS: Yes it is a stationery store … but we’re moving tomorrow. Just next door. It’s just to confuse the customers. We’ve been here as a stationery store for two years now. So we decided to move next door. It’s like they do in supermarkets. They move things around every so often to confuse the customers. You go in looking for soap in the usual place and instead they have put tins of beans there. The soap is where something else used to be. It’s to get customers to walk around the store and buy something else; like dog food, even though you do not have a dog. It’s called Retail Planning Layout. So we’re doing the same and moving next door.

ME: I understand. I only came in to check if someone had handed in a glove.

ASS: And one more thing. Did you know that no matter how much you push the envelope it still remains stationery? Unlike us. We're moving tomorrow.

(Voice from behind me): Dad, I have found it. It was in my pocket all the time.

ASS: Ah … I see your son has a glove. We do not encourage pickpockets or shoplifting in this store.

ME: But … it’s his own glove. He had it all the time.  

ASS: So you say. He most probably picked it up without paying.

ME: But it’s the same as his other glove. Look!

ASS: So you admit he has stolen two gloves? I must insist you see the manager or I’ll press this panic button down here. I don’t know what it’ll do; but I’ve always wanted to find out.

ME: I assure you, my son has not stolen any gloves. You can see they are worn out. Besides, this is a stationery store. You don’t even sell gloves.

ASS: I told you we are moving tomorrow so we're not that stationery are we? Besides, he could have stolen the gloves from another shop. How do you explain they were in his pocket?

ME: If he stole them from another shop; which he didn’t, it would hardly be any business of yours. Would it?

ASS: You’ve got a point there. And so has this pencil. Would you like a pencil? It’s got a point too. A pencil without a point would be pointless. But all our pencils have points; in many colours too. Blue, red, green, yellow, mauve … now that’s an interesting colour … mauve … rhymes with move, which we are doing tomorrow.

MORAL OF THIS STORY:

Life is complicated. More so than it was a generation or two ago.

Everyone thinks he has a point of view, no matter how badly thought-out, or perhaps not thought-out at all, is that point of view; or perhaps just borrowed from someone else so as to make it totally pointless.

Consequently, many people push their point of view forward at every opportunity regardless whether it is a good point of view or totally pointless.

And a pointless point of view is not worth the brain cells it is written on.