Showing posts with label judge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label judge. Show all posts

Tuesday, 14 October 2025

Silence in Court

 


Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten?

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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

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Q: Where did the accident take place?

A: Approximately milepost 499.

Q: And where is milepost 499?

A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

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Q: Sir, what is your IQ?

A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

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Q: Constable, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?

A: Yes.

Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: What did she say?

A: What disco am I at?

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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

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Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

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Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your counsellor?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?

A: Ok.

Q: What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

NOTEThese are from a book called "Disorder in the Court."

Wednesday, 13 April 2022

Thou Shall Not Judge

 

Jesus said: "Do not judge, and you will not be judged". Luke 6:37

But is this really possible? We all judge one another and we are judged. By judging other people we form an opinion of who is good and who is bad. Who we can befriend, and who we should avoid. We all meet many people throughout life, in the street, in shops, at work, in church, in the pub or wherever. Whenever we meet people we sub-consciously judge them and form an opinion as to whether we like them or not.

That's how the world turns. That's what dating is all about. That's life. Meeting, forming an opinion, getting closer or further away from an individual, being friendly or not.

There are many criterias to judging people. (Criteria is already the plural of criterion - get your grammar right!).

As I was saying before I interrupted myself. There are many criteria to judging people. Some judge by the way you speak grammatically and don't split the infinitive like, "To boldly go where no one has gone before!"

Others judge people by their accents. By their looks or by their clothes. Some judge others by their backgrounds, education, race, colour, professions, religion, whether they smoke or drink or not, by their marital status, and many other criteria which feed our sense of discrimination and prejudices.

I think one way we should judge people is by their criminal record. When I was young and dating pretty ladies I always asked them straight-away, "Have you got a criminal record?" Everyone of them avoided me from then on. One even slapped my face. I don't know why.

Eventually, I dated a lady in prison. It didn't last long. She was a prison warden and did not like my character. She was obviously judgemental about something or other.

These days I have grown up and matured. I am now much wiser and only judge people by their distance. The further away they are from me the more I like them.

Take the mother-in-law for instance! She lives 150 miles away. I like her very much from that distance. I would like her even more if she moved further away. I would definitely love her even more than that if she moved to another country or continent altogether. It's like loving the sun from afar. No one wants the warmth of the sun only inches away from them!

So you see ... judging others is good. We all judge and we are all judged.

I wonder how God would judge me?

What do you think?

Friday, 17 August 2018

Thou Shall Not Judge

Jesus said: "Do not judge, and you will not be judged". Luke 6:37

But is this really possible? We all judge one another and we are judged. By judging other people we form an opinion of who is good and who is bad. Who we can befriend, and who we should avoid. We all meet many people throughout life, in the street, in shops, at work, in church, in the pub or wherever. Whenever we meet people we sub-consciously judge them and form an opinion as to whether we like them or not.

That's how the world turns. That's what dating is all about. That's life. Meeting, forming an opinion, getting closer or further away from an individual, being friendly or not.

There are many criterias to judging people. (Criteria is already the plural of criterion - get your grammar right!).

As I was saying before I interrupted myself. There are many criteria to judging people. Some judge by the way you speak grammatically and don't split the infinitive like, "To boldly go where no one has gone before!"

Others judge people by their accents. By their looks or by their clothes. Some judge others by their backgrounds, education, race, colour, professions, religion, whether they smoke or drink or not, by their marital status, and many other criteria which feed our sense of discrimination and prejudices.

I think one way we should judge people is by their criminal record. When I was young and dating pretty ladies I always asked them straight-away, "Have you got a criminal record?" Everyone of them avoided me from then on. One even slapped my face. I don't know why.

Eventually, I dated a lady in prison. It didn't last long. She was a prison warden and did not like my character. She was obviously judgemental about something or other.

These days I have grown up and matured. I am now much wiser and only judge people by their distance. The further away they are from me the more I like them.

Take the mother-in-law for instance! (Please take her in your homes and away from me).

As I was saying, my mother-in-law lives 150 miles away. I like her very much from that distance. I would like her even more if she moved home further away. I would definitely love her even more if she moved to another country or continent. It's like loving the sun from afar. No one wants the warmth of the sun only inches away from them!

So you see ... judging others is good. We all judge and we are all judged.

I wonder how God would judge me?

What do you think?