The dangers of hypnosis in a sophisticated self-assured modern society

Ah ... I knew the title to this article would spark your interest. But let me explain that this is a serious issue which affects many people in this modern society of ours. You may think that hypnotism and hypnosis are to do with the mind; and you'd be right. But I thought it's all to do with the hips really. Especially if you go to the wrong doctor. As I did.

I went to this man whom I thought dealt with hips because I'd had a minor accident which made it difficult to walk properly. I had accidentally taken the cat for a walk instead of the dog and I fell off a tree. I landed on my backside and may have hurt my hip. So off to the hypnotist I went.

He sent me to the hospital for some X rays. The photo showed me full of bones which I confess I do not recall ever eating.

I went back to the hypnotist, who apparently was in fact a psychiatrist, rather than a hypnotist as such. He used hypnosis as part of his treatment for certain conditions. Anyway, he said he'd discussed the X- rays with the hospital and there was nothing wrong with me except some bruising which will heal in time. He added that if I was a bit more "weighty" my bigger backside would have cushioned me from any pain.

I discussed with him how I am very careful with what I eat, and how I fear putting on weight. He asked me to lie on his couch. I asked him why, fearing this was serious. He replied: "Our cleaner did not turn up today, and I'd like to vacuum clean where you're standing whilst you're talking!"

When he finished cleaning the room he suggested he hypnotises me to discover my fear of eating. I laid back on the couch and pretty soon I was fast asleep.

I don't know what he told me, but he must have been very persuasive, because when he woke me up I had eaten half his couch.

He wanted to charge me for the damaged couch; but I complained that it was his fault. He may have persuaded me to find an appetite; but did he need a leather couch knowing I was a vegetarian? I said I'd sue him for feeding me a wrong diet.

We agreed that if I paid for half the damage to the couch he'd give me another psychiatric session for free.

I told him I have this terrible fear of heights. Even putting my socks on makes me dizzy with vertigo. He suggested I wash my socks more often.

Anyway, he got me to lay down on now half a couch and hypnotised me again. When I woke up I was on top of the wardrobe.

He told me to get down. But I wouldn't because I now enjoyed seeing things from higher up.

He shook the wardrobe and brought me down to earth. I paid him and left.

Let this be a warning to all of you - a hypnotist has nothing to do with hips; unless yours is afraid of heights!