Maturity is an excuse

Every morning is a different morning yet they are all the same. There's me and then there is the whole world intent and united to making my life more miserable than it already is.

I don't know about you ... in fact I hardly know you and we've never met ... but as for me, sometimes I wake up grumpy. At other times I get out of bed silently and let her sleep. No point starting the day with more reminders of how inadequate I am. 

If I am that way inclined and I feel kind-hearted I go downstairs and bring her a nice cup of tea in my pyjamas. Is she grateful? No ... she says she prefers it in a cup.

Another morning irritant, at least once a week, are the trash or refuse collectors people. They come very early in the morning with their large heavy and noisy vehicles and make enough clatter and clamour to raise the dead. 

In our city we each have three trash containers on wheels. They are different colours. The black one is for all kind of trash except gifts from my mother-in-law because I'd never hear the end of it. 

The green container is for garden refuse like grass cuttings, hedge clippings and twigs and small branches and the like. Don't you dare put potato or carrot peelings or even cabbage and lettuce leaves in there. I know they are compostable like grass and leaves but they should go in the black bin. 

And then we have an orange bin for re-cycled material. You need a University Degree in stupidity to know what is and what is not recyclable. Metal cans and tins, yes; metal foil you use to wrap meat when roasting or sandwiches, no. Plastic bags used to purchase pasta, rice, cereals, and other dry foods - read the label on each packet because some is recyclable and some not. The list goes on and on as to what is and what is not allowed in the recycled bin. 

I usually don't bother and throw the list in the green bin - it is a "leaflet" after all! 

As I was saying before I got distracted, the trash people have this heavy lifting gear at the back of their lorry and they make a racket as they lift each container and tip it upside down to empty it. Then they leave the empty container wherever they feel like it, not return it to its proper owner. I usually have to take a bus ride to go and retrieve mine which is left miles away.

The containers are emptied in rotation every week: one week trash, another week garden refuse and then recyclable. Neighbours usually copy each other and bring out the container similar to their neighbours. I get my own back by bringing out very early in the afternoon the wrong coloured container. All the neighbours copy me and bring out the same colour container. Late at night I bring my container back in and bring out the right coloured container.

The following morning only my container is emptied. And all the neighbours phone the authorities to say their trash has not been collected.

It's me versus the world, as I said earlier.

And another thing that irritates me no end. There are signs everywhere in our street saying pick up your dog's poo when he poos in the street. It seems that dog owners are just as illiterate as their pets.

The other day I stepped in some dog poo. I stood by the tree trying to clean my shoe when a big man passed by and stepped in the same poo. I said, "I've just done that!" He punched me in the face.

People are getting so violent these days. So much pent up anger. And so much stupidity around too; it's so wide spread it seems to be catching.

There was a story on TV about some flood somewhere or other; it was raining so hard with high wind. They told us not to go out unless absolutely necessary; like throwing away your mother-in-law's unwanted presents.

And there on TV was a stupid reporter getting soaked in the rain next to the river telling you how dangerous it is out there. Why do they do that? Why send someone out to prove the obvious? They say "and now here's our reporter from London" then for the sake of balanced reporting they show you a reporter from Aberdeen in Scotland, Cardiff in Wales and another one in Northern Ireland. Four reporters and their film crew soaking wet in case you don't know what rain looks like.

And to ram the point home they then interview a household that has been flooded and they ask the home owner "how do you feel about this flood?"

What an idiotic question from a moron in training. What do you expect as a response? "Oh ... I have always wanted a downstairs bathroom and swimming pool; now we got one for free including the floating excrement from the overflowing sewers!"

It's the way the newsreaders and TV interviewers patronise you as if you're an idiot that irritates me. They mention someone important in the news, like; "The Pope has lost his cat!" and then they show you a picture of the Pope as if you don't know who he is, and for good measure a cat as well. They mention a well known politician or leader of a country and show you his photo.

And it's not just on TV; in real life too you're patronised. I remember distinctly when we were pregnant; not me of course ... my wife. We went to these "pre-natal classes" where we were shown pictures of babies being born and treated like ignorant fatheads. We were told how the husband should be with his wife at the delivery room and offer comfort and support and encouragement and ... hold on ... let me check my notes ... I had them here a moment ago. 

At the end we were asked if we had any questions. I asked, "Is it OK to take a few cans of Guinness in the delivery room?" The person giving the lecturer, a senior midwife from the hospital, told me sternly that alcohol is not allowed anywhere on the premises and it is forbidden under some hospital rule or another. It's in my notes somewhere ...

As I said before; it seems I am the only sane one in this world. Everything is going wrong nowadays and people are behaving as if they've lost any common sense that has never been common in the first place and is now more extinct than ever. 

No wonder I wake up grumpy sometimes. It makes a change to hear it from her too!

Oh ... before I forget ... have you noticed how prices are going up everywhere? Everything costs more these days. Although I'll admit I have used this to good effect. 

I have now taken to wearing very old, dirty and torn clothes when I go out. It stops beggars asking me for money. The other day a woman was going to give her half-eaten sandwich to her dog, but she offered it to me instead. 

Isn't that kind? There's hope for this world after all!