Sur le Pont d'Avignon

 

Sur le Pont d'Avignon
L'on y danse, l'on y danse

Meaning: On the Avignon bridge people dance.

There I was on the bridge dancing, as it were, when I got too near to the balustrade and fell over into the river.

Now I hasten to add that it may or may not have been the actual bridge of which this song refers. Suffice it to say that I was dancing on a bridge and fell into the river.

Normally, as I fell, my whole life would have flashed in front of me. But this did not happen on this occasion because the fall from the bridge into the water below lasted three or four seconds at the most. Too short a time for one's life to flash in front of one's eyes. 

My first thoughts as I plunged into the cold and dark water below were my mortal fear of being attacked by a shark. Once again, I hasten to add, that at that particular time, I did not know whether the river in Avignon does contain sharks or not. When I panic, I panic big time and I had no means of checking.

I started shouting, "HELP ... HELP ... HEEEELP !!!"

Almost immediately, ten minutes later, three locals appeared on the bridge. One of them said to the two others, "Wot eez zees ELP E eez ze speaking about?"

I did not know whether it was a French or German accent. Or it could have been any other accent. When you're drowning all accents sound the same.

I searched my pocket for the English to French dictionary but it was all wet and of no use. At that point one of the three locals pulled out of his pocket a French to English dictionary and said, "Allo Monsieur ... c'est interdit ... not allowed ... four bitten for you to do zee swimming in ze ri ... ver!"

"I am not doing ze swimming," I said imitating his accent, "I am being afraid of ze shark!"

Have you noticed that when you speak to foreigners you tend to imitate their accent almost without intention. It's as if we subconsciously feel that by imitating their accent they will understand us better.

So I told him in English French that I was terrified of sharks.

"Wot eez eet ze shark?" replied the local after a few minutes having consulted his dictionary.

"Eet eez a biiig fish!" I shouted back in a French accent whilst trying to remain afloat.

"Oh non Monsieur," he replied, "eet eez also ze four bitten to do zee fishing wizout zee licence ... you 'ave zee licence, Monsieur?"

I did not reply because at that point I went under the water for a few seconds. All three of them jumped in and fished me out. I don't know whether they had a licence for this or not.

"You are sa ... ved!" said one of them, "sa ... ved from zee ri ... ver in Avignon!"

I thanked them by saying "merci" several times and one of them offered me his coat to keep me warm.

"Bienvenu to Avignon," said one of them welcoming me to his town.

The other then said, "Good you not do zee fall in zee ri ... ver in Paris. Zis would bee insane!"