Monday 12 October 2015

... And then we die ...

OK ... let's face it. The two things we can't avoid are paying taxes and death. Although avoiding taxes can perhaps be illegal and get us in deep trouble. Death on the other hand is quite natural and comes to all of us sooner or later.

The problem is how do we dispose of the remains when a creature has died.

Normally, if you happen to have a small pet like a budgie or a hamster or such like, and it dies on you, the thing to do is to bury it in the garden and say a little prayer. It's a simple and perhaps gentle way to introduce young ones to the inevitability that we all die. You tell them that their budgie is now in Heaven where mirrors are bigger and never get dirty and you never have to clean the cage because in Heaven budgies no longer poo. Or their hamster is in Heaven enjoying the biggest wheel he could ever imagine.

If it is the goldfish that dies the simple way is to flush it down the toilet and say that it has now gone to a watery Heaven were water never needs to be changed and the tank is as big as eternity itself. Or lies to that effect.

A word of warning however: never try to flush large items down the toilet. I tried it with a dead cat once and we had the biggest blockage you could imagine. Cost us a lot in plumbers' fees.

Whatever you do; death must be treated with dignity at all times.

I remember once I went to the funeral of a friend of mine who throughout life was a clown at the local circus. When he died, they dressed him up in his clown outfit and painted his face just as he always looked when performing; big smile and all.

Although dignified in appearance, unfortunately his funeral was not so in execution. When they drove him to church the hearse he was in kept honking every few minutes, the engine went "bang" every now and then, the doors fell off, the steering wheel came off in the hands of Coco the clown driving it, and smoke came out the back.

When they laid him in his coffin they could not put the lid on because his big feet protruded upright from the box.
The funeral cort├Ęge consisted of other clowns following him, as well as an elephant, a zebra, a juggler juggling and a half-naked woman carrying a large python amongst other circus type people.

At the cemetery, when they lowered him into the ground, he kept popping up and down like a toy clown in a box.

Most people, of course, decide that when they die they will either be buried or cremated. Some decide to leave their bodies to science or donate their organs; which is a generous and laudable thing to do. Others prefer to be buried at sea. Whatever is decided it is always done in a dignified way.

How about being somewhat adventurous, however, and have a memorable funeral? Like being catapulted at speed from a mountain top and far away into the sea? Or being tied to a strong elastic band and bounced up and down from a platform into a shark infested pool? Inventive and very memorable I should say.

And one more last thing. When you get to meet Our Lord, as surely you will, take with you a book of jokes to put Him in a good mood before He pronounces on your fate.

Finally ... here's a short video I made which treats this whole subject with real dignity.


  1. Hi Victor! You have such a sense of humor about death, it makes me wonder what you would expect for your own funeral. A clown car? A surprise 'rising' from the coffin??

    I totally can see you with your joke book. I think you and the Father are going to have a great time!

    1. Hello Ceil,

      I've asked my family that just before I die they spray my face with quick drying starch and then tickle me till I laugh. That way I'll die with a smile on my face.

      They said : No because apparently quick drying starch can stain shirts and they don't want me to meet Our Lord with a dirty shirt on.

      God bless you Ceil.

  2. The Jack In The Box is a great idea. For me, I want a HUGE tombstone with lights, music and big letters that spell out "Sparky Was Here". They'll probably think I was related to Donald Trump (all flash and no substance). *lol*
    Hope your day is blessed. ~:)

    1. There you go Sparky. A great sense of humour to the last. God bless you my friend.

  3. Oh my gosh! This is hilarious, Victor! And the video? Well, lets just say that I commend you for treating death with such profound respect. Buuuuut...whoever was in that casket was most definitely alive, my friend. (Please tell me it wasn't Aunt Gertrude...)

    1. Oh it's so nice to see you visiting here again, Mary. I hope you and yours are well.

      I'm so glad you enjoyed this post and the video I made for it. Not sure who was in the casket but he certainly enjoyed dancing to the tune.

      God bless you Mary.

    2. You can only bury the hamsters if you can catch them first. Those little critters are so hard to catch! One of ours escaped and drowned in the dog's water bowl. Gosh, I hope my daughter doesn't hear my giggling right now! I swear that I didn't think it was funny at the time!

      God bless you too, Victor.

    3. Actually Mary, I confess that I find that quite funny. A hamster escaping from its cage and drowning in the dog's bowl. Was it a huge bowl? Are you sure the dog did not hold his head down the bowl?

      Mary, you're hilarious. I'm glad you're back Blogging and look forwards to your humourous posts.

      God bless.

    4. Victor, the bowl is quite large because we have two dogs and the hamster was a Robo Dwarf hamster and they are very small. Somehow the hamster (either Tootsie or Cocoa - very hard to tell them apart you know) escaped during the night and we found her in the dog bowl the next morning. Good thing we got up before my daughter did. When she got up we told her that Tootsie/Cocoa (or was it Creme?) died a natural death. She still doesn't know about the "dog bowl drowning incident". But it IS funny in a sick sort of way! So I was giggling like crazy when I told you :) ( may have been De Menthe who passed away in the dog dish - it REALLY is hard to tell Robos apart.) Here she is:

    5. And whether one of the dogs was the guilty party or not I'll never know!

    6. It is a pretty hamster, Mary. I love it in the doll's house. And actually it DID die of natural causes. Holding one's head under water for long enough it is natural to die; unless you're a fish.

      I took the goldfish to the vet recently because it was always having a fit and shaking violently. The vet looked at it in the fish tank (I carried the tank to the vet in a baby pram) and said the fish is OK.

      I said: It is OK now. But when I take him out the tank to go for a walk he has a fit.

      God bless.

    7. You mean it WAS a pretty hamster, Victor. Lol. Your comment cracked me up! I think this is one of the things I missed the most about blogging! Thanks for the laugh!

    8. Keep smiling, Mary. And keep visiting here for more laughs.

      God bless you and yours.

  4. With NO offense intended, I suggest you donate your brain to science, Victor. Pretty sure it has to be a bubble off center to be so funny!
    Blessings & Thanks for the laugh!

    1. I really don't know where I get all these ideas from, Lulu. I've always been like that. Not appreciated in my own time I suppose.

      I was terrible at work when young. I used to stick the ruler to the desk with strong glue; then ask my colleague if I could borrow his ruler. It was a laugh seeing him try to pick it up.

      You know when you have a hole punch in the office they usually have a container where it collects all the little circles of paper the punch makes when it cuts holes through paper. One day, I emptied the hole punch container into my colleagues folded umbrella. I made sure all the bits of circle papers were well hidden.

      That evening, on the way home, it rained. He opened the umbrella in the street and was showered with confetti falling on him everywhere.

      The next day he said nothing, but stared at all of us in the office. I did not dare to laugh because I feared for my life.

      God bless.

  5. What's a budgie? Too funny, Victor. Rick and I were just talking about death on our long drive home from vacation. We had passed a cemetery and the subject came up. It was all downhill from there. Cue the drums. ;-)

    1. Hi Kim,

      A budgie or budgerigar is a small coloured bird, (yellow, green or blue), with a beak like a parrot. I mean, their beak looks like a parrot's beak; not their beak looks like a parrot. It would be odd looking to have a bird with a beak that looks like a parrot.

      Anyway see:

      Usually kept as pets by little old English ladies in their cottages drinking tea and biscuits. I mean drinking tea and eating biscuits, not drinking the biscuits.

      I'm getting quite confused here.

      Death can be quite a sombre subject of conversation, can it not. Whenever the subject comes up I usually put on a red nose to lighten the conversation. For some reason, I was not too popular at our neighbour's funeral last week.

      God bless you Kim and Rick.



God bless you.