Wednesday 24 June 2020

Not so close encounter of the priestly kind



I was home alone, working in the front garden. One of the priests I know drove by and stopped to say "hello". He did not get out of the car but chatted for a while from his driving seat.

I did not invite him in. Not with a houseful of pole dancers in the front room!

No ... seriously ... I did not invite him in because he said he was in a hurry about an appointment he had to go to.

He said, "I have not seen you at Confession lately!"
I replied, "Just as well, I thought the purpose of those wooden confessionals is that you don't see us!"

I could see his brain thinking for a while and then he said, "You should go to Confession regularly, either in our church or another one. But you should go regularly!"

"But I don't sin, Father," I said, "my wife sees to that!"

Again, the cogs and wheels in his brain turned slowly and he said nothing. So I had to continue with, "living with her is like being in Purgatory!"

His eyebrows rose suddenly. Obviously, he knew a thing or two about Purgatory. "Is everything all right ... with your marriage?" he asked.

"Oh yes ... yes ..." I said, "all's well, Father ... in fact it was my wife who introduced me to religion ..." I added to re-assure him.

He smiled.

So I continued, "I did not know what hell was until I met her!"

The smile was wiped off his face quicker than you can say anything you care to say at a moment like this. My sense of humour had gone too far this time. I could see he was worried.

I tried to re-assure him but made things even worse by saying, "Oh, it's not her, Father. It's the mother-in-law ... she keeps leaving her broomstick in the lounge whenever she lands unannounced!"

He stepped back in his car and said, "just as well I am in a hurry for my next appointment. Otherwise you would have got a special sermon for one!"

He waved good-bye and left. I did not know whether to feel sorry for him, or for myself.

12 comments:

  1. I would think that a priest hears just about any and everything.

    Father Brown hears a lot of unusual stuff in the confessional.

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    Replies
    1. Is your priest called Father Brown? Or is it the character created by G K Chesterton?

      God bless, Susan.

      Delete
  2. Hilarious, Victor! I love how your mind works, and how you can always make us laugh.
    Blessings!

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    Replies
    1. I test things on myself first, Martha. If it makes me laugh, I write about it. Can you imagine going to the Confessional and saying, "Father, your sermons on Sunday send me to sleep"?

      God bless always, Martha.

      Delete
  3. "I did not know what hell was until I met her!" LOL, :) you had me laughing at that comment. :)

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    Replies
    1. So glad I made you laugh, Bill.

      God bless you and your family.

      Delete
  4. HaHaHa...I feel sorry for him!! That was just to hilarious. Loved it. Been a very busy week, lots of time with family....sorry I missed a couple of your posts. Will try to get back later. Blessings. BTW I did see a list of sins on facebook. tee hee.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's great to see you visiting again, Wanda. Thanx. It's good to spend time with the family. I like families. If it was not for families we'd be arguing with complete strangers.

      God bless you and your family.

      Delete
  5. LOL …..One-upmanship at its finest! That'll teach the right reverend not to arrive without an invite with his "you should's"!

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    Replies
    1. He's a good priest. But even good priests can turn up at the most inopportune times. Or phone when you least can deal with their calls. I hate it when a priest turns up when I'm sinning - don't you?

      Do you act differently, (more Saintly), when your Pastor is around? Like, if you accidentally hit your finger with the hammer; do you say "Golly gosh ... that was a tad uncomfortable" instead of "***###***!!!"

      God bless, Mevely.

      Delete
  6. Those are the type of things a priest hates to hear. You would have been better off talking about the pole dancers. ;)

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    Replies
    1. Good point, Manny. Very good point. Why did I not think of that? I could have asked him if he likes pole dancing.

      God bless.

      Delete

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