Wednesday 19 August 2020

Facts you may know ... or not

There are so many facts, or so called facts, we read about or are told about in life. They stick in our minds and perhaps we believe them. But are they true? 

In the next few minutes you will learn some facts which I have researched thoroughly in a scientific book I am writing - so they are all true.

For example, you must never go swimming after you've had a meal. My grandfather once went swimming straight after eating a burger and fries and was attacked by a shark. Luckily he survived because the shark was vegetarian. 

Talking of swimming, or keeping fit to be more precise; a friend of mine has just started work as an Internet Fitness Coach. I asked him how this works. He said he teaches people to lift the keyboard up and down ten times, balance the mouse on their nose, and do press-ups on the monitor.

Anyway ... let's move on ...

Did you know that after mating the octopus does not smoke eight cigarettes? This is because it cannot light them under water.

When pursued, the centipede detaches one of his legs which he throws at his pursuer. The hunter stops to eat the leg and the centipede runs away to hide. Unfortunately, most of them get killed anyway when they return to retrieve their lost shoes.

In Scotland scientists have successfully bred chickens and turkeys with four legs so that people can have more legs at Christmas and Thanksgiving. Unfortunately the birds ran away so fast that no one could catch them. 

The cat can run up to 40 kilometres an hour. Faster if he is in a racing car.

A statistician in Cambridge UK has worked out that there are 98 different ways to tie a tie. Unfortunately at the 99th attempt he choked himself to death.

There's a museum of failed products. It exhibits products that have been invented and marketed but never caught on as commercially viable. One such product is toilet paper with no perforations. Originally, the idea was to buy a long roll of paper and a small packet of perforations which you put in the paper yourself.

Another failed product is a super glue that sticks everything to everything. It failed because people could not take the cap off the tube.

Psychologists have discovered that most burglars are lazy and will not break-in into their neighbours' houses. They burgle their own homes instead.

Zoologists have discovered that hyenas tend to laugh at their own jokes. That is why very few of them are stand-up comedians. 

Also, slugs are claustrophobic snails who are afraid to live in their shells.

Skunks have great memories. Whenever the wind changes suddenly a skunk would stop and say, "Ah ... it all comes back to me now!"

House flies have compound eyes made up of thousands of individual visual receptors, called ommatidia. When a fly lands on a mirror it says, "That's another way of looking at it!"

The octopus is a delicious delicacy enjoyed in many countries. Unfortunately the dish is very expensive because the octopus runs so fast with his eight legs that no human can catch him quickly enough. On the rare occasion an octopus is caught and taken to the kitchen he wrestles with the cook and throws all the knives and kitchen utensils all over the place. When he is sometimes over-powered and put into a large pot of water, the octopus uses his free tentacles to turn off  the cooker.

In Wales UK a farmer fed one of his cows cocoa beans in the hope that he would get chocolate milkshake. When he got down to milk her she kicked him in the head because she prefered strawberries.

Marriage Guidance Counsellors report that generally husbands do not remember their mistakes. There is no point in both couple remembering the same thing. Also, husbands are best at keeping secrets because they never listen anyway. And archaeologists make the best marriage partners; the older you get the more interested they are in you.

I am very good at keeping secrets. Years ago friends of mine got married in secret in a far away town. They only invited very few well trusted friends like me. On the morning of the wedding I called a taxi at my hotel. The taxi driver asked me where I wanted to go and I did not tell him. He asked several times and I kept the secret safe with me. 

In Victorian times a popular pastime was pressing dried flowers between the pages of books. The hobby has had a great comeback since I started publishing books. I visited a friend recently and he had one of my books on a shelf in his garage. It was covered with dust. I opened it and it was full of dead moths and silver fish.

I commented about this, and he said he was keeping it as a Christmas present for someone he doesn't like.

25 comments:

  1. ...my mother ALWAYS told me the one about swimming after eating, is it an old wives tale?

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    Replies
    1. Yes and no, Tom. Old wives are/were often wise. It is OK to swim after eating in places where there are no sharks or other dangerous creatures like crocodiles; as long as you don't swim too far from the shore in case of cramps. Some people take their own sharks with them when swimming. This can be dangerous especially if the shark has not eaten.

      God bless.

      Delete
  2. Dearest Victor,
    Dictionaires can contain funny stories and a lot of them are not true! Decades ago, Pieter loved checking out such, often expensive dictionaires, and read about mushrooms. That was a subject he could judge and if that was not very sound, he knew about the rest of said dictionaire.
    The octopus story stands out and I love that it managed to turn off the cooker! Would be hilarious... But most octopus or squid never end up being a large size when being 'cooked'...
    Speaking seven languages and having lived and worked in numerous countries, also going to Church was another eye opener. Often we heard a quite different version of a bible story in a certain language. So even in translation, things change...!
    It is good to read stories like this.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    Replies
    1. Indeed Mariette. There are so many stories on so many subjects in so many countries. Each different and following different local traditions and beliefs. For example, I read somewhere that if you weigh a bird in a cage, and just at the point you put the cage on the scale, the bird flies a little, his weight will not register on the scale. However, if you conduct the same experiment under water, the bird would drown and die.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. Too funny about the octopus turning off the stove top! Yep, my mother also forbade me from swimming after a meal. She probably learned that from her own mother!

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    Replies
    1. Your parents probably lived somewhere near sharks or crocodiles, Mevely. My parents also told me never to walk the streets after eating. But I never saw any sharks in London. Not in the streets anyway. I met plenty of sharks in business when I grew up though.

      God bless you, Mevely. By the way ... I also used to race pigeons; but they always won the race.

      Delete
  4. Yes, yes, I'm laughing, Victor. :) Good ones today!
    Blessings!

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  5. I can relate to the super glue fiasco. After using it once, the top doesn't come off to open again. I used a tool to get it opened and the whole top broke off causing the glue to flow all over the place. It's no good then, so I threw it away. One tube is only good for one problem. The solution to that is save up all your super glue projects and use the whole tube once.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point about the glue, Bill. I was told the reason why the cap sticks is because the glue inside the tube has reacted with the oxygen in the air thus making the cap stick to the tube which both are made of plastic - i.e. sticks plastic to plastic.

      God bless.

      Delete
  6. I was always told the one about not swimming after eating, but never listened.

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    Replies
    1. It seems to have been a very popular belief at some time.

      God bless, Happyone.

      Delete
  7. Do you find yourself just laughing out loud sometimes when your brain spits out these thoughts?

    Funny stuff.

    My wife had an idea for that museum of bad ideas. A tool to take the edge off dogs claws. She called it a petafile.

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    Replies
    1. It's so great to see you here again JoeH. Thanx for visiting my friend.

      Yes, sometimes ideas come from nowhere and I'll admit I have to smile ... and wonder where that thought came from. I often have to censor some of them before writing here because I don't want to upset my readers. I really don't know why my train of thoughts wanders in the direction of humour. Perhaps it is to suppress sadness.

      God bless you always, JoeH; and thanx.

      P.S. I think some vets do cut/trim dogs claws.

      Delete
    2. The claw trimming is needed, the name of the product is the bad idea.

      Delete
  8. Been a crazy week, so haven't been able to visit. I did get quite a dose of humor from you today, and had to chuckle and think how does your brain think of so many funny stories.
    I wish I had an octopus to turn off my burner. I get busy and forget I have something cooking. Drives my dearest crazy.

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    1. I was really worried about your absence, Wanda, and did not know whether to message you or not. So I prayed for you instead.

      Glad you enjoyed my humour. It's good to laugh.

      God bless you and yours.

      Delete
  9. Well, thanks to you, now we know!

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  10. I was always told not to go swimming after eating and to wait an hour for my food to go down/digest!

    All the best Jan

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    Replies
    1. Apparently, it makes no difference and you are not at any risk if you go swimming after a meal ... unless there are sharks in the water.

      God bless, Jan.

      Delete

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